sick sick in the brain..

let mi recall..

dear came my place on thursday..he accompanied mi.. since after his sch.. i had a bumpy day on thursday.. needa start coding.. feelin the anxiety.. coz i've got no codes to start wif.. was wif celine irene jw they all.. went off early.. dear was patient.. wif mi.. i realise.. coz usually.. dear would tell mi to faster move.. faster do my things... and if wan to go le.. dun dilly dally.. coz i told dear i wan go home le.. den still went over talk wif irene.. anyway waited for jw.. we went off together..

fridae..11/3

system demo.. i showed cher wat i got.. and tried to explain wat i think i understand.. wif the help of fana.. so glad dr tan din scold mi again.. went home to fetch my uniform.. den rushed down to work.. in one hr.. glad i wasnt late.. im even ten minutes early.. tired..

left home late.. forgot to bring my phone.. went home to get it.. went down the second time.. den realize I forgot to put on my ring back after applying hair cream.. went home yet again.. haiz.. silly day to start off..

sat..12/3

worked mornin shift.. time pass fast.. feels so excited to meeet dear after work.. (again i wish i had a time machine.. ) waited awhile.. soon dear turn up at city hall.. he sat quietly behind mi.. without mi knowin!! silly guy.. i caught him by the reflection.. OMG.. i was shocked loh.. it cant be dear but looked like dear.. haa.. loved tt moment.. gosh im tearing.. oh God.. so so nice.. the feelin.. dear tucked mi in.. dear tucked mi in warm and nice.. and he said i love u baby..gdnite.. i've been waiting.. for a nite.. for a moment like this.. when he would put mi in bed.. oh gawd!!!

i took advantage.. i pushed my limits.. i asked to hold dear's hand to slp.. surprisingly dear gave mi his hands.. i held close to my face and slpt instantly.. rite away.. wonder if i drool on his hand.. hee.. but i should hav enjoyed the moment longer.. shouldnt hav slp rite away.. stewpid pig..

sundae..13/3

open my eyes.. light comes in.. feel bad.. really bad.. dunno why.. pms?? rot in bed.. soon dear wake up.. wished mi good morning.. hugged.. came onto my bed.. we hug till i drop down.. turn over.. dear msg.. mi ask dear so early msg whu.. dear din ans.. mi go bath.. bath le.. mi wan go work le.. but dear woke up... watch tv.. wanted dear to slp longer..

oh well.. jus as well.. i want us to come and go together.. so i waited for dear.. called sushi tei.. will be late.. dear got a bad hair day.. dunno i very blur still.. dunno why.. i make dear feel more moody onli.. dunno how to fetch dear's comb.. still need him to call mi.. dunno how to make breakfast for dear.. still need him call mi.. dunno how to ON the bloody fan.. when i obviously know dear perspire easily especially after he bath.. or wash up.. he dress up le.. keep walkin in and out of my room sure gonna sweat le ma.. i still ku ku brain.. haiz.. fug lah..

at newton.. i ask dear again.. 'whu u msg??' coz i jus suddenly remembered.. how come dear once wake up onli msg liaoz.. think he also dun even msg mi once he wake up everyday or any day de lor.. i really jus casually ask nia..i mean.. i jus wan to know whu dear msg onli.. dear dun hav to say such hurtin words de.. its in my head for the rest of the day.. i mean i curious.. coz i care.. not coz i jealous or doubtful or suspicious.. dear jus make mi feel im askin too TOO much tt it irritates him and make him feel i dun trust him..

dear u wan mi dun care anymore issit?? dear if is u.. u wun care bout mi msging whu issit?? u wun wan to know whu i messagin issit?? u wun even budge an inch at all?? u dun care??

do u understand?? its not the matter of WHU u msg.. i dun mind.. or care le.. like i said.. i dun feel le.. no more jealous sensation or any shit.. i jus.. oh god.. i shouldnt hav ask.. why make it a big matter adeline stupid fuck.. as ur gerfren.. im lousy.. downright lousy.. tts all.. i know nothing.. i dun wanna know..

last nite dear hug mi before actually tuckin mi in nicely.. i feel so close to dear.. so loved.. but why mus i make things turn sour and wake up from a beautiful dream?? really feel like i woke up from a beautiful dream this morning..

dear say he know i actually feel tt he dun really like mi.. he dislike mi more den he like mi.. dear knows.. but why still... dear say muz believe.. mus trust in him.. i do darlin.. if not why am i still wif u?? u dun like ppl to lie de.. im jus afraid i might drop something very important.. i dun wanna drop tt important thing..

next to lie.. dear dun like ppl to doubt.. he felt i doubt him.. and his angry now.. rite now.. till now.. after the msg he din reply le.. really..
i love u dear.. i need u.. tts all i know.. i love u.. do u?? its all tt matters.. i dun wann think bout others..

drop and broke a glass today.. oh btw.. victor asked mi to stay back to help coz ah fen on last min mc.. jus as well.. work keep mi from thinkin.. till 9.30 actually.. but i stayed on.. so victor change my schedule to 12.30 to 10.30.. full shift.. onli one hr break.. gd also.. most importantly.. im not late.. =) im jus tryin hard to keep my promise to dear.. i wanna make the best record for dear this semester whether in sch or work.. tt i shall not be late.. and dear shll buy mi a present.. mayb dear forgot le.. dear…

can u hear mi?? i really wanna dive deep deep.. deep into ur thoughts.. pls dun keep mi so far away from ur inner thoughts... i love u.. pls tell mi wat u feel..

nite baby..