in sch on tues evening..

time now is 7.39pm.. im in sch.. with my two best frens.. and their bf.. i miss my dear..

have biz com speech and ITIPJ presentation tml.. cross my fingers and really hope everything goes fine tml.. had quite a few things on my mind..

dear stayed over my place on sunday.. came to my place after midnite.. we talked a little.. awhile.. baby i feel the disappointment in you.. jus when u feel like u're in control of everything.. u realise u're not.. and things dun go ur way.. and the worse thing was people try to cover up for wat they did and put on an act jus to make sure u dun know a single thing.. to make matters worse.. im part of ur disappointment.. i did not share wif u bout wat i know.. *dear do u now know how i sumtimes feel trying to guess wat exactly are u thinkin.. it kills.. it hurt u so much to later realise that people change le.. u cant help let it flow out.. i wiped of ur first tear drop dear but i din manage to wipe of the last.. wanna bend over to give u a hug.. but i wan u to carry on talkin.. coz its rare for u to speak up that way.. i dun wanna spoil it..

i hope serene see's the way in front of her.. and try to help herself out.. she can take all advices but final decision is still hers.. i empathise wif u ger.. i understand how u feel.. but dun feel let down.. all things takes two hands to clap.. u hav urself to part a part in too.. understand ger?? i dun wan to see u in this state le.. no human no ghost.. like wat lei.. accept it.. watever it comes.. okies ger.. im here.. i dun understand.. why is it u can help all people who goes to you for help.. but not the one in the reflection of your mirror.. brighten up ger.. u have more to anticipate..

komang.. you're flying back to bali tml.. i hope to still hear from u.. u have been a good fren.. nice shoulder to lean on.. enjoy changing together in the locker room.. haha.. sounds like lesbo.. haha.. im gonna miss u ger.. i went to work on sunday... and open my locker.. and see that the locker is so empty.. coz u've packed away all ur things.. i miss u ger.. take good care back home alrite ger.. keep in touch.. u're gonna let mi stay in ur house when i go over visit ah.. u say one.. haha.. i'll remember.. i will even bring my dear there too.. haha.. den u shall entertain us.. haha.. wahahha..
haiz.. met her at yck jus now.. to pass her something.. somethin i made for her.. and she got mi something too.. a ring.. long before, she had got mi a watch le.. den i heard she even bought mi a pants.. with my name on it.. haiz.. im the most expensive fren she have over here.. haha.. no need to spend so much loh.. im shocked at wat she told mi.. bout joyce.. she must have been real rude to komang doing that rite in the restaurant wif customers ard.. haiz.. her last day in singapore le.. still make things so hard.. dunno wat to say.. regret not going down.. but sorry ger.. cant get away.. wif so much projects... miss ya.. always..

cunxi.. im sorry..

alright.. haiz.. better get back to work.. dear might be coming to fetch mi later.. hee.. worries.. haiz.. so much to say but so little to express.. take care peeps..

..

its been some time.. now in sch tryin to attempt the analysis for CRM.. done my part on int biz as well.. hope its relevant.. coz im tired.. to look for more le..

hmm.. im recalling wat happen these few days..
firstly dear got his license le.. he passed his TP on 17 of march.. finally.. im relieved.. happie for dear.. but im also worried on the same level for dears safety.. went to accompany dear to go make his license on the next day..

did nothing much over the weekends.. went to work.. dear came my place on monday i think if i did not remember wrongly..

dear bought his bike le.. yesterdae.. 23/3.. mum sponsored him de... hmm.. got to see it last night when dear sent mi home.. ya.. i had a presentation in sch.. and had stayed back to do some work.. dear came to look for mi to fetch mi home later.. hmm.. wore a business skirt actually.. ya but i still went on the bike.. and soon felt the wind against us le..

glad to heve dear ride mi home.. am i the first? hmm..

later went to look for yasi.. to talk things out... that poor silly ger.. called mi on monday.. shared her thots finally.. let things out.. and hope she did felt better rite now.. met up on tues as well.. brought her to sch.. met serene together.. we chatted.. all this while.. im thinkin bout dear.. thinkin bout thing which are meant to be forgotten de.. im jus thinkin again.. hiaz.. anyway.. went through the breakup with her while she stayed over my place on tuesday.. thus i din hav much time to prepare for my presentation on tt day.. felt the pain she sort of go through.. teared too.. thinkin if it was mi.. hugged her tight hoping to help make her feel better..

ger.. if u happen to read this.. jus wanna say things happen for a reason.. rite now.. u have to clearly accept the cruel fact tt its over le between u and him.. and have to pass ur own concience because its only the beginning for you.. its gonna be pretty hard on u havin to see him every now and then in sch.. am honoured to hav u sayin that u feel comfortable only sayin it to me.. but dun forget u still hav ur family members and frens ard kk.. they were there to help lift u up when u are down.. the most imp people in life other den ur love one.. on top of tt u still hav mi.. hee.. dun ever give up on ur own kkz.. and stop feelin inferior.. u are a nice pretty ger.. its the beauty inside tt is the final attraction in life.. take care.. can always come find mi de kkz..

hmm... to serene.. jus glad tt we met tt day.. at the snookerium at amk.. though not much of a mood for a game.. glad we met and updated each other.. hope u are more relaxed now that u only have one stopover to handle.. yea.. though we both feel tt time always fly when we're together.. its a pleasure always to realise we are there for each other no matter wat.. best frens are the siblings that God had forgotten to give us.. i love u sis.. take care..

dear.. think u might be out wif ur frens now.. sure do hope u take care anywhere and on the road as well.. thanx for taking time to acc mi at times even though u r tired out these few days.. of the many things u said to mi.. i jus dun like it dear when u say u try hard already to be my boy.. its been in my head.. haha.. jus thinkin dear.. i dun wan u to try so hard at times jus to please mi.. i'd rather u be urself.. if not im jus makin u the person i wan and not wanting u for whu u are.. be urself.. feel urself when wif mi.. im here whenever u wan to talk share or even scold mi okies.. haha.. luv ya..

hmm.. dear sent mi to sch today.. had lunch wif him at ssdc.. im feelin the jitters again.. think im fallin sick.. din wan to tell dear.. like i purposely disturb dear when wif his frens.. hmm.. hope time flies now.. so tt i will tide over this two weeks.. haiz..

thinkin things through..

..

wednesdae.. 16/3

dear went for road revision.. met dear at ssdc.. later came my place.. i hav international business project research.. and test the next day.. 5 chaps.. not started yet.. so dear decided to come my place..

dear so tired.. lethargic.. moody.. not enough sleep.. stil came over my place.. accompany mi.. dear took a short nap in my room.. jus to accompany mi.. wake up only still made noodles for mi.. feel so princess.. hee.. dear went home late..
i feel so guilty.. but feel loved anyway..

thursdae.. 17/3

dear had his TP test today.. yes!! and dear passed!! finally.. i'm so glad and relieved.. and worried at the same time.. relieved dear finally got his licence le.. so happie for him.. but dear riskin the dangers that might face in future.. haiz.. no matter how careful a person is.. u'll never know wat might happen.. it took a total of about 7mths.. dear took so long.. to finally get to today..

and my test for today..IB.. goner.. goner.. im done for it.. it was a difficult paper man.. scared fail.. haiz..can still forget brin calculator..
*happie birthday fana ger..

fridae..18/3

had a headache.. since mornin.. had a hard time waking up for mornin tutorial.. manage to get myself outta bed aniwae.. after tut.. had five hours break b4 next lesson at 3pm.. had breakfast wif irene celine.. haha.. had fun orderin in chinese.. haha.. i realise i laff alot today.. and each time i laff hard.. my head throb.. pain sia.. but i had to laff.. so damn farni.. did research and online marketin quiz.. and help dear with abit research for his flash.. hope he got wat he wanted.. anyway.. since no much time to go home.. i slacked in sch till next lesson loh..meet dear durin his break.. accompanied him go make his licence.. hee.. finally finally.. had wanton noodles there.. yummy!! (*reminds mi of joy..keke..)

laff alot wif dear.. i seem to feel happie today despite my terrible headache.. i dun seem to feel the pinch in my heart.. nor the worries.. on anythin.. i dunno.. maybe the headache had force brains to stop thinkin for awhile.. haha.. anyway.. had a good time wif dear.. though its barely an hour.. i jus simply enjoy dear company..

later went back to lab.. called shu yi and zhenyi they all.. ask whu free to help mi out take over mi.. shu yi called back say help mi ask joan.. lucky joan free to help mi out.. i owe her one.. hee.. but also all thanx to shuyi.. so i called joyce to inform.. before i fang xin to take a nap in sch.. haha.. couldnt take it liaoz.. head pain ah.. jw and i we both wanted to go town.. somewhere sit down talktalk.. but other time perhaps..

i din ask dear this time round.. if i can cancel today's work.. dinwan disturb dear.. only tell him when he cal mi while i was leaving lab.. jus nice the timing rite.. as always.. dear cals at the rite time.. hee.. haiz.. dear say mi ah.. today 8 bucks per hr got money earn dun wan work.. haiz.. i hear liao should have ask dear first.. den maybe will go work.. but den again.. cannot la.. haiz..really feel like wana fall sick.. sorry ah dear.. hee..

hee dear say mi headache tts why accmpany mi home de.. hee.. dear so sweet.. somethin not dear will do everytime.. feel love.. thanx dear.. reach home.. bath.. blow dry hair.. den fall aslp on the couch holdin dear's lap..

later dear carried mi into my room.. accompanied mi to slp.. told dear to go home le.. before i go slp.. coz i dun wan to wake up only to realise dear not ard le.. but dear jus wan mi to slp.. i closed my eyes.. but i din fall asleep.. i jus let my eyes and body rest.. i couldnt sleep.. din tell dear.. but i din realise it when dear left the room.. look beside mi dear not there le.. tot dear go le.. i went out to the living room to see dear still ard.. so glad to see dear ard.. the feelin.. so hard to explain.. i mean u wan to see someone.. and the someone is there.. and it can really make u feel good.. jus leaned on dear.. den he hugged mi.. i feel soooo good.. dun feel the headache le.. *i wan a time machine rite now!! .. hugged dear before i go back to slp.. dear still dun wan go.. i feel bad leavin dear alone.. but dear wan stay on..

dear later came in at 10.30pm.. sat on my bed.. den i looked at him.. den i realise i've never seen tt face expression for a very long time le.. i jus wanna pause that moment.. dear's face.. so soft and smilin.. he jus looked at mi and smiled.. he actions had already described a thousand words le.. here is where i realise i had not been sleepin all this while.. coz dear come in tt time.. i din remember myself wakin up like the way im supposed to.. dear actually came in to say goodbye.. his goin home le.. din wan dear to go as yet.. but cant b so selfish.. dear need to rest too.. tml got a whole day off work.. coz he goin for lion dance.. dear take care of ur health ah.. slp enuff.. if not headache.. very jialart de.. my baby kissed mi on the forehead before he close my door.. was wishin it would open again.. coz i wan a hug.. but it din..

dear gonna spend a day with his troupe mates.. and his good fren.. dear among all your good frens.. i hope to be ur best fren.. one tt u can share anything everything.. not jus ur love one.. not on account of bein jealous or anythin.. i jus hope dear dun forget mi..

thanx dear..
and before i forget.. i love u darlin.. goodnight..

=)

dear at my place.. sleepin on my bed.. says he wans to accompany mi physically.. din wan to go home.. i feel bad.. see dear so tired.. jus had a fall again.. dear fell while havin his curcuit revision jus now.. called mi while takin a rest.. hurt his foot.. big toe there.. his shoulder blade too.. hmm.. his shoe one big hole.. haiz.. dear ah..

haven bath and feelin so tired le.. im jus afraid dear will get moody.. jus wan him to hav enuff rest.. tml his big day.. worry.. but i have confidence in my dear.. dear u aso mus have confidence in urself okies.. jiayou.. watever tt comes.. take it kkz.. my baby din go sch since monday.. tuesday too.. tummy bu shu fu..

shall blog till here.. dun wanna waste dear effort.. go study le.. but like cant concentrate.. haiz..

i feel like shit..

okies.. i jus got to know that there was marketin research lec this mornin.. and i din go.. wadever..

anyway.. feel like shit now.. rememberin how bad i did in my software engineerin test today.. couldnt complete the question wif the most marks.. my sequence diagram.. haiz.. later on stayed back wif the rest of the class.. did voting for the topics for persuasive speech for biz com.. first choice taken.. second choice i got out.. even my third choice i din stand a chance.. suay.. dunno wat to say..

shared french toast wif class.. haha.. vash say.. 'whu do one?! adeline ah.. eee.. can eat one anot.. haha.. ' but later he ate lah.. hee.. dear no share.. haiz..

this wk.. wk13..
tt is today.. software test.. *btw dear had his road revision..
international biz test.. *dear gonna take TP test.. crossin my fingers..

wk14..
gotta attend international biz seminar..
CRM role play ICA3..
Marketing research presentation..

wk15..
CRM ICA4
Biz com presentation.. ICA4 i think..
IB ICA4 presentation.*big presentation..
ITIPJ presentation..*haven start coding yet.. haiz..
XML assignment..

hmm.. thanx to eviline.. she help mi write out de.. haiz..
feel quite lost .. no codings done for ITIPJ yet..
no mood..
been late recently.. even for work.. loads of lessons this week.. practically everyday..
no tutorials done..
dint pay attention to any lectures or imp tutorials and wats more lab..
really aint no good feelings here.. like things are gettin outta hands..

only one good thing was i met dear today.. tot of like seeing dear even though for jus awhile.. but dear din come sch today either.. he made good use of his two days mc.. hhaa.. din wan ask if i could go over to his place.. know my type.. dun wanna get rejected again.. enuff.. tot dear still angry or wadever..

but but dear call mi today.. guess he jus woke up.. hee.. i was in da midst of msgin jon.. ask him help mi do survey.. but end up cannot.. coz cher there watchin.. so end up i went over wif jw and fana.. later den call dear.. later dear ask mi if i tired not.. if not den go over dear place meet him.. mi so so glad.. i was bout to cal dear rite away too.. bought double cheese burger plain.. choosy boi.. haha.. den took bus there.. pei dear watch beautiful boxer.. mess ard awhile.. dear change up.. den pei dear down to ssdc.. for his road revision.. reach le.. dear cross the road.. wave bye bye le.. later saw dear askin mi back.. haha so i quickly crossed the road to dear.. den found out dear wan mi to company him awhile more.. think he knows his abit too early for his practical le.. so cal mi back hee..

dear dun jus laff off ur danger like a joke okies.. please be careful on the road.. its not funny.. dun fool ard.. dun wanna lose u in any way..

kkz.. beta go read up on the technological facter for research le.. den needa do notes for my IB test.. i wanna slp.. haiz.. ma head's spinning.. oh gawd.. dear's quarreling wif sis.. hope his fine.. hope his fine..

and dear.. i love you kkz..

sick sick in the brain..

let mi recall..

dear came my place on thursday..he accompanied mi.. since after his sch.. i had a bumpy day on thursday.. needa start coding.. feelin the anxiety.. coz i've got no codes to start wif.. was wif celine irene jw they all.. went off early.. dear was patient.. wif mi.. i realise.. coz usually.. dear would tell mi to faster move.. faster do my things... and if wan to go le.. dun dilly dally.. coz i told dear i wan go home le.. den still went over talk wif irene.. anyway waited for jw.. we went off together..

fridae..11/3

system demo.. i showed cher wat i got.. and tried to explain wat i think i understand.. wif the help of fana.. so glad dr tan din scold mi again.. went home to fetch my uniform.. den rushed down to work.. in one hr.. glad i wasnt late.. im even ten minutes early.. tired..

left home late.. forgot to bring my phone.. went home to get it.. went down the second time.. den realize I forgot to put on my ring back after applying hair cream.. went home yet again.. haiz.. silly day to start off..

sat..12/3

worked mornin shift.. time pass fast.. feels so excited to meeet dear after work.. (again i wish i had a time machine.. ) waited awhile.. soon dear turn up at city hall.. he sat quietly behind mi.. without mi knowin!! silly guy.. i caught him by the reflection.. OMG.. i was shocked loh.. it cant be dear but looked like dear.. haa.. loved tt moment.. gosh im tearing.. oh God.. so so nice.. the feelin.. dear tucked mi in.. dear tucked mi in warm and nice.. and he said i love u baby..gdnite.. i've been waiting.. for a nite.. for a moment like this.. when he would put mi in bed.. oh gawd!!!

i took advantage.. i pushed my limits.. i asked to hold dear's hand to slp.. surprisingly dear gave mi his hands.. i held close to my face and slpt instantly.. rite away.. wonder if i drool on his hand.. hee.. but i should hav enjoyed the moment longer.. shouldnt hav slp rite away.. stewpid pig..

sundae..13/3

open my eyes.. light comes in.. feel bad.. really bad.. dunno why.. pms?? rot in bed.. soon dear wake up.. wished mi good morning.. hugged.. came onto my bed.. we hug till i drop down.. turn over.. dear msg.. mi ask dear so early msg whu.. dear din ans.. mi go bath.. bath le.. mi wan go work le.. but dear woke up... watch tv.. wanted dear to slp longer..

oh well.. jus as well.. i want us to come and go together.. so i waited for dear.. called sushi tei.. will be late.. dear got a bad hair day.. dunno i very blur still.. dunno why.. i make dear feel more moody onli.. dunno how to fetch dear's comb.. still need him to call mi.. dunno how to make breakfast for dear.. still need him call mi.. dunno how to ON the bloody fan.. when i obviously know dear perspire easily especially after he bath.. or wash up.. he dress up le.. keep walkin in and out of my room sure gonna sweat le ma.. i still ku ku brain.. haiz.. fug lah..

at newton.. i ask dear again.. 'whu u msg??' coz i jus suddenly remembered.. how come dear once wake up onli msg liaoz.. think he also dun even msg mi once he wake up everyday or any day de lor.. i really jus casually ask nia..i mean.. i jus wan to know whu dear msg onli.. dear dun hav to say such hurtin words de.. its in my head for the rest of the day.. i mean i curious.. coz i care.. not coz i jealous or doubtful or suspicious.. dear jus make mi feel im askin too TOO much tt it irritates him and make him feel i dun trust him..

dear u wan mi dun care anymore issit?? dear if is u.. u wun care bout mi msging whu issit?? u wun wan to know whu i messagin issit?? u wun even budge an inch at all?? u dun care??

do u understand?? its not the matter of WHU u msg.. i dun mind.. or care le.. like i said.. i dun feel le.. no more jealous sensation or any shit.. i jus.. oh god.. i shouldnt hav ask.. why make it a big matter adeline stupid fuck.. as ur gerfren.. im lousy.. downright lousy.. tts all.. i know nothing.. i dun wanna know..

last nite dear hug mi before actually tuckin mi in nicely.. i feel so close to dear.. so loved.. but why mus i make things turn sour and wake up from a beautiful dream?? really feel like i woke up from a beautiful dream this morning..

dear say he know i actually feel tt he dun really like mi.. he dislike mi more den he like mi.. dear knows.. but why still... dear say muz believe.. mus trust in him.. i do darlin.. if not why am i still wif u?? u dun like ppl to lie de.. im jus afraid i might drop something very important.. i dun wanna drop tt important thing..

next to lie.. dear dun like ppl to doubt.. he felt i doubt him.. and his angry now.. rite now.. till now.. after the msg he din reply le.. really..
i love u dear.. i need u.. tts all i know.. i love u.. do u?? its all tt matters.. i dun wann think bout others..

drop and broke a glass today.. oh btw.. victor asked mi to stay back to help coz ah fen on last min mc.. jus as well.. work keep mi from thinkin.. till 9.30 actually.. but i stayed on.. so victor change my schedule to 12.30 to 10.30.. full shift.. onli one hr break.. gd also.. most importantly.. im not late.. =) im jus tryin hard to keep my promise to dear.. i wanna make the best record for dear this semester whether in sch or work.. tt i shall not be late.. and dear shll buy mi a present.. mayb dear forgot le.. dear…

can u hear mi?? i really wanna dive deep deep.. deep into ur thoughts.. pls dun keep mi so far away from ur inner thoughts... i love u.. pls tell mi wat u feel..

nite baby..

did he read??

thursdae..10/3

dear jus left my place.. my heart feels so heavy..

dear wans mi go to bed le.. im jus gonna blog bout dear..

wished i had a time machine again.. but this time is to stop the time.. not turn back the time.. i wish i had stop time when dear hug mi.. feel dear rarely initiate a hug.. i feel loved.. ya only for tt moment.. we were on my couch..and anymore longer i would tear i guess.. think its coz of today.. sch sux today..

dear says sumtimes he feel love for mi.. sumtimes feel hate for mi.. i feel its 60% hate and 30% love ba..**dear jus call.. i lied.. said i switchin off the com.. and the other 10% is reserved ba.. dear ask if do i wan him to treat mi better or should he hate mi more.. haha.. in a spite of the moment.. i said hen wo duo yi dian ba.. but of coz wan dear teng wo more la..

but i very miss dear.. feel dear very sweet today.. he came over to accompany mi.. rite after his sch.. said he might go db0 but later kept mi company.. heart ache sia.. when i see him dozin off lookin so weary and tired.. he kept mi company.. thank you dear.. really appreciate it.. dear could have went home to rest.. had been busy since monday.. and its the onli day he could rest.. tml might be at west coast.. or out wif boss.. watever.. but dear kept mi company.. tot i wun even be seeing dear today.. but not for celine surveys i think i really wun get a chance to see dear.. i lub u dear .. u acconpanied mi.. im really very happie.. though abit fucked up wif sch work.. im glad ur there wif mi.. thankz dear..

kkz.. since dear home safely le.. i shall period here.. hope tml will b a better day..

goodnight dear..
ai ni.. yong yuan..

wednesdae//blur..

wednesdae..9/3

woke up at 7.05 today.. was early and on time.. hope today will be a good day.. feel.. dunno.. hope all's fine..

stayed back at sch yesterday.. to try attempt the past practicals.. together wif irene and joy.. and daniel.. we asked him to stay back and help.. celine went off earlier.. rem on sun dear say wan watch movies wif mi yesterday.. lucky dear went out wif his fren.. mi was busy in sch.. preparing for test.. well i hope to say hard work does pay off.. hope i can pass ba.. and all my classmates too..

jus wanna blog bout daniel.. hee.. yesterday we took a short break at mac.. after we completed prac8.. they decided to grab a bite at mac.. so i went along.. later they went to buy food.. dan came back first.. and guess wat.. he bought mi a burger too!! haha.. silly guy.. i aso din say i wan to eat.. haha.. den i ask him to hav it to himself.. den he say.. i so skinny le.. ask mi muz eat more.. hhaha... sweet of him aint it?? irene and joy also shock.. haha.. later joy ate the burger.. wahaha.. she say cant resist the temptation.. haha.. so farni.. while takin a break there.. was missing dear.. feel so jialart man.. im always missing dear.. wonder how bout him.. piss dear off yesterdae too.. said i gave him attitude.. watever la.. dear ask wats wrong.. i said i not too sure either.. jus piss off wif dear being rude to be at times.. wished dear can be more affectionate.. dear dun seem to show it that he holds a torch for mi at all le.. like he dun like mi and.. as though im always irritating him.. dunno.. dunno.. dunno.. jus wished dear can be more affectionate at times..

but haiz.. im also human ma.. summore a gerl lei.. which ger dun wan to be pampered by her dear de?? sumtimes i wish he would love mi more than i do feel for him..

here is where i realise im getting off hand le.. im beginning to expect more from others le.. this is not the way.. i always tell others.. to love is to learn to accept.. i should hav known dear has been this way all of his life.. i should hav accepted him the way he is rite from the start.. and not start demanding things to change.. am i getting sick and tired of things already?? i dun wan to show dear my true self.. i mean my OLD true self.. the dun care dun care attitude type.. am i returning to my oldself?? haha.. this brings mi to wat teacher said in this mornin tutorial.. chronic fatigue syndrome.. wahahhaa...might be having it.. haha.. was jus laffing bout it wif aini..

hmm.. fana dun worry bout the prac test okies.. teacher will be lenient de.. besides ur past work was still okie.. not like mi.. i need to buck up.. was thinkin of stopin sch le.. but dear encouraged mi.. by scolding mi hahah.. said if i ever dare to fail any modules or drop out.. see if he still wan mi not loh.. wa.. threaten mi lei.. hahha... but i think i did quite okie for the prac.. accept tt i din do the link.. coz i dunno how to do.. headache too liaoz.. but but but i did manage to get the picture of my viruses on.. wahaha.. even johan din manage to do so.. maybe his is error ba..

dear.. miss mi?? i do.. im feelin abit sick le.. think my flu gotten worse.. like wanna die.. wahahha.. haiz.. tired.. shall go take a nap.. now is 7.40pm.. haven do research on the PEST and micheal porter's model on international business.. haiz.. see if i can get up again ba..

**by the way.. is it by coincidence?? or did i really tell dear mi ya chi tong.. ?!?! watever.. i shall tell dear anyway.. if it hurt one more time.. think i wan make dear read my blog.. but dear thinks its a waste of time.. later kena scoldin onli.... nvm den.. dear take care at training.. btw i miss dance.. i wanna dance.. i wanna dance for dear to see.. dear nv got the chance to see mi perform yet and im out le..

hey sis... i miss u lei.. watcha busy wif?? read ur blog u like so busy wor.. dun like the other time ah.. hungry go get something eat okies.. at least feel ur stomach.. dun let it go empty for long.. sorry i din get the time to reply ur email as yet.. i wan to pen down my thoughts first.. share wif u again.. mis u.. take good care..

i love u my darl..
feeling the shivers le.. dun care liaoz.. i wan to slp le..

my..oh my..

been a few days le..

wednesdae..2/3

yiling ger came to look for mi.. chat though for awhile.. but we shared alot.. felt for her.. i teared on her story.. roughly understand how she felt.. den i started to compare wif myself.. thinkin things thru.. hope she will come through wif her decision.. went to work..

thursdae..3/3

forgot.. went to dear place.. did work.. help him wif his webby i think.. did my research on china..

sch was bad.. cancelled my work.. did my work all over again.. coz i hav many similarities wif aini ger.. changed.. like i hav to change al those.. but i dun receive any instructions to do anything.. like i keep on wondering wat to do.. like so blur.. but everyone is busy with their own work.. i wonder.. haiz..

fridae..4/3

had a rough day today.. rushed out my work.. submitted our work jus in the nick of time.. though slightly passed 5pm.. but cher still accept.. stayed back while waiting for dear.. helped irene's group.. see them so stressed up.. rite after our submission.. i saw fana and aini left.. think they in a bad mood too.. shall leave them to cool off.. had called johan to hav a look at my page.. if im on the rite track.. he said five mins.. but i waited.. and waited.. and waited.. later he came to mi and ask mi to go get a file for our project submission.. ... so i went.. haiz.. sumtimes i jus wonder.. woke up late for project meeting wif dr tan.. msg received onli at 6 plus in the mornin.. how am i suppose to know? zzz.. im sleeping !! din go for mornin tut.. so end up late.. i reach le still can see ppl laffing and all.. dunno lah.. really wonder.. wth..
dear came my place.. after sch we went to amk.. went to sent his pants for alteration.. abit too tight.. make him look abit too sexy for his butt.. haa.. went to loosen it.. dear say jingwen daddy look young.. hmm.. think dear will look younger as he grows into an adult.. hmm.. went to j8.. we both pushed a trolley ard ntuc.. dear asked.. need to buy rice not.. make mi feel as though its like we are shoppin for our family.. our home.. ya.. adeline thinks too much.. wats new.. met danny kor cunxi and yasi.. had dinner wif them.. den went home.. dear watched two movies.. den went off le.. i went to bed.. dear told mi to sleep le.. next day workin mornin shift..

saturdae..5/3

saw jw at my workin place.. she brought david along too.. quite a few times le.. guess i wun hav the chance to do so.. dear dun like jap rest.. jus dun like it.. though i rem there was once dear brought mi to ajisen or wateva ramen jap restaurant at ps.. tired.. i scalded and cut myself.. but okie la.. not serious.. haa..

sundae..6/3

dear din go home previous nite.. dear went to his fren place to stay over.. next mornin dear call mi.. first person i hear the moment i wake up.. really like it.. dear decided not to go work.. since i not workin.. i accompanied dear the whole day..

dear said he felt his time wasted.. haiz.. why leh??

dear came over my place.. coz i think he know i dun like to rush.. so he came over first.. den he also need a place to ring his boss.. i pei dear go see doc.. get his hand wrapped.. all the while.. i felt like confessing to dear.. im havin a bad headache.. coz my ya chi tong.. pain till i headache.. had a hard time eating the meepok.. but lucky dear din see through mi.. scared la.. but meepok nice.. really.. but sch one nicer.. haa.. later walkwalk at hougang mall.. went home.. heard dear daddy cook green bean soup lei.. i like loh.. but dun feel like eatin either.. pain ya chi pain.. later dear still ask mi if i wan to eat cornflakes.. i wan .. so i slowly eat loh.. still eat crackers.. later in the evening.. din realise i keep burpin.. as in like buurrpp!! tt loudly.. first time dear still can say i look kinda cute.. later second time dear like irritated le.. ask mi stop le.. onwards i keep forgetting.. tt im in dear's pressence.. still burp like nobody's biz.. like only after i burp den i realise i shouldnt hav loh.. den i slap my mouth shut.. but too late.. dear kena pissed out le.. but i feel very funny.. coz i feel shiok when it comes out but i see dear fierce face everytime rite after i bump.. like very irony.. dunno lah.. dear angry liaoz i still giggling.. jialart sia.. silly adelyn still spill green bean soup on the computer table summore.. lucky dear din angry mi.. still say im forgiven.. sumtimes i really feel dear's love.. but at other times i feel dear dun like mi alot.. detest mi alot.. dear today keep saying he feel he wasted his time away le.. i know wat he mean la.. since he din go work and there goes his 50 bucks.. he should hav take the time to rest well at home since he so tired.. but he keep sayin machum i feel i shouldnt hav met dear in the first place.. heart pain sia.. really.. but come to think of it.. not really wat.. he put on his new screen protector.. dear really can take good care of things.. so unlike mi.. haiz.. he also brought home his new monitor.. he also got his wrist bandaged.. least he din really REALLY wasted his time rite?? haiz.. dear i may hav deadlines to meet.. and can still be meeting u.. but i dun feel im wasting my time loh.. coz dear.. im wif u.. dear.. maybe i can drop u a hint or two.. girls do love heart to heart talk often u know?? hope i din really waste ur time on sunday.. i feel like askin u.. to sit down and think.. carefully think.. if do u love mi.. and how much do u love mi.. i dun mean if do u love mi 'still' but i jus wan to ask if do u love mi..

mondae.. 7/3

had a dream..*

went to sch at 8am today.. as usual rushed.. but haiz.. go sch.. cher cancel.. her kid fall sick.. hope she's fine.. but haiz.. i rushed down.. jus not to be late.. but.. anyway.. had fun in CRM.. had another call session today.. this time we called out to real customer service centre.. budi's group was the joke of the day.. he called hotel 81.. and made himself a nuisance customer.. haha.. had the whole class laffing.. had breakfast at mac.. went down to atrium.. pass ger hashbrown.. saw dear.. he smiled.. i smiled.. dun feel anything le.. really.. i swear.. did not.. i DID NOT feel any tingle of jealous sensation le.. xi guan le i guess.. till dear walk over to mi.. 'ger.. wat u doin here.. ger.. jealous ah.. gerrr.. dun jealous la..' mi no idea at all.. haha.. but i played wif dear.. like give him those look like i dunno him.. haha.. but i cant bear it myself.. later talk to him le.. haha.. play few seconds onli.. but jus dun understand.. i can msg dear and get no reply.. but i see dear carrying other gers bag.. walking them in and out of sch.. to smoke?? wateva.. i feel... no.. i dun feel le.. hmm..

reached bishan.. ate at sakae sushi.. wanted bro to try the yukimi daifuku.. the mochi icecream.. i feel its rather special lah.. not really very 'wah' effect la.. but nice la.. but haiz.. stewpid.. no more liaoz.. got home.. bring kino down for a walk.. sat at the stone table there.. thinkin bout last time when i would meet dear there..wind blow.. i teared.. dunno wat i thinkin also.. siao~ bring baby kino home.. bath baby kino.. played ard.. haha.. den went out to meet da!! yesh!! but i feel da aged alot le.. heart pain.. she dunno how to take care of herself.. mi and bro see le so worried.. she always so blur.. ya.. took one or two pic wif da.. wan tell dear de.. jus now on msn and on phone.. i all forgot..

after tt went to take dear's pants.. jus in time b4 uncle went off loh.. lucky mi.. hmm.. went home.. bath.. wait for dear call.. all this while im thinkin bout us.. mi and dear.. the dream we had.. the same day.. bout the same dream.. jus feel it stronger le.. dear aso say he scared.. if will we break up.. but break den patch loh.. tts wat dear say.. haha.. dear still say if IF lah.. we happen to break.. and if he wans to patch.. i mus patch back wif him okies.. wahahha where got ppl like tt de.. haha.. actually i feel if dear ever wan to hav a break now.. the most ideal way i can reason out is tt dear still haven had enough fun yet.. still wan go explore summore.. den later come back.. but.. dear.. ever tot of mi.. how i feel and all.. asked dear to learn to share things wif mi.. i know his very different from b4 le.. but its no use.. can he ever understand my position?? it used to be mi behaving like him.. never like to share.. but wat happen now.. haiz.. i dun wan to be seen in the light.. and dear in the dark.. i dun wan dear to know anythin and everythin bout mi and yet i dunno so much bout dear.. its unfair.. dear say he understand.. tts why he's been tryin to change le.. he's been tryin hard to change.. dear.. i can give u all the time u wan..but if u still find it difficult to even share wif ur love one.. how can it be possible even ten or twenty yrs down??i dun wan u to try so hard.. but jus to please mi.. i wan u to feel comfortable at the same time too.. haiz.. how tosay how to say.. dear God.. i leave all unto ur hands.. take good care of my dear..

*dear i've been very so afraid since a long time ago.. when we werent talkin well.. havin communication problems.. a few weeks back already.. since the beginning of this yr.. when u told mi u dun wan mi le.. u got new gf le.. my heart really ached.. i really feel it ached.. jus like in the movies when they say their heart feel so wrenched up.. i feel pain.. i cried countless nights to sleep.. jus coz im afraid... and i cant tell u.. coz once i see u i feel everything is so perfect again.. do u still remember that nite.. when u borrowed JJ's bilke to look for mi.. u took mi for a spin in the night.. i teared on ur back.. but i controlled.. back at home.. i jus wan to hug u so tight.. coz i know if wats not urs, will never be urs.. i tot i will never get to see u or hug u again.. and jus in case.. jus in case.. anythin happen.. i jus wan to hug u first..

coz i can nv forget tt time.. when u got urself a new gf.. it was after two solid weeks of cold war den did u contact mi again.. and when u called mi up.. u said u got something to tell mi b4 i decide on anythin.. den u tell mi u gt another gf le.. and even ask if do i still wan u back.. so tts why i jus wan to hug u first..tts all i know.. all the way till now.. told myself things are fine already..im so so glad loh.. really.. tt jus suddenly things became quite better.. but dear.. i feel u tryin very hard like tt.. if tts the case.. i rather u dun so difficult.. jus b ur natural self.. dun change..

im tired.. nose stuck blocked le.. eyes cannot open le.. gonna get puffy eyes again..

dear.. can u hear mi....
take care.. dunlike to see so many plaster on ur fingers..
dear.. listen up..
i will still love u.. always.. no matter wat happens k..

wednesdae//blur.. sad..part2

wednesdae..2/3

second post for todae.. remembered i actually wan to come home continue post my last nite blog de.. but so late le.. dear wans mi to slp after i bath.. and i still got stuff to prepare.. so forgot to continue my post..

dear firstly i wanna apologise.. i jus suddenly bad mood.. jus the tot of having to go home jus irritates mi.. and the tot of having interview and not yet done my research on it.. and not yet prepare my clothes.. and blah blah blah.. i wan to go but i also dun wanna go.. tts why the sudden temper.. also i miss u dear.. i cried on the way home in taxi.. jus suddenly remembered............. i dunno till when ......................... can i hold on.....

leave it...

ya.. shall continue my previous post.. wake up to meet dear first thing in the morning.. made him french toast.. plain one.. dear rode mi to sch.. feel the morning wind hit my face.. hugging dear.. i feel so good.. can still recall.. but now i think no more anymore rides le.. till for a very long long time ba.. went to shop at fareast wif aini getting our shoes and her skirt, top and handbag.. parted at bugis.. enjoyable time wif ger.. realise i keep eaating.. churros.. papaya.. haha.. dun use to eat TAT.. haha.. waermelon.. hero cake pastry.. blah blah.. den i went back to yck.. wait up for dear.. gonna fetch mi home wif jj's bike.. wait.. not fetch mi home.. is to dear home.. i watched dear on the road.. once he leave sch.. all the way.. all this while whenever his on the road.. back in our little brains.. i believe we both abit anxious.. coz we're risking anything tt could happen..

we hit the road soon.. and was riding till dear turned in left following the bus 70 route.. den while turning right again.. tts where i left dear off my mind and started to wonder bout other things.. the very next thing i know we both were on the road wif the bike resting on him.. we fell.. not exactly skidded.. coz not much.. after split second.. 'ouchie dear..' tts wat i say.. picked ourselves up and the bike.. the brake handle broke off.. not exactly scared but sad.. wat dear thinking?? the incoming msg or call issit?? coz dear phone vibrated previously.. and i saw the deep scratch marks on the phone.. all my fault.. MY fault.. i should've heed dear advice to keep it in my pocket or something.. scratched so deep.. so badly ruined.. i feel so bad.. dear hav been takin good care of all his phone.. why cant i jus b the same?? hate myself.. shit!! shit adeline..

dear ask if im okie.. said i was okie.. i kept making noise bout the phone.. i din ask dear if he was okie.. but i know he got scratches.. but i din know it bled.. on his knee and elbow.. rest of the journey.. dear goes..'ger u okie.. u sure u okie.. where pain muz say k..' feel dear hands cold cold.. dear said he was sorry.. asked if i was scared.. kept apologising.. dear.. jus wanna tell u i still trust u okies..really i do.. not scared.. know u can de.. ai zai.. haha.. maybe something's on ur mind ba.. really see dear totally lost it loh.. reached his carpark.. we started to look for any scratches.. i pointed to the exhaust.. dear momentarily went to touch it.. with his bare fingers!! tt freak mi out.. he even took split second to take away his hands.. reflex action slowed down?!?! dearie.. bu yao you shi okie..

later dear ask mi wait for him at void deck.. mi scared.. so msg sis.. all thanx to her.. mi felt beter le loh.. JJ went to accompany dear to kan tie da.. so i wait lo.. i teared abit abit.. dunno why.. jus keep thinkin wat happen if dear got anything wrong.. and if .. watever la.. anyway.. dear came back soon loh.. lied to his ma.. naughty boi.. went home late loh.. helped dear wif his website.. but its jus follow the steps 123 abc doremi.. shall find time to help dear edit ba.. till den.. miss ya dear..

wish i had a time machine.. this not the first time i wish for a time machine.. wan to turn back the time.. to those when i can prevent bad things from happenin.. oh btw.. had been feelin 'weird' since i left bugis.. din think much.. could it b tt i din say again this time.. tts why something happen?? jus like the other time when i din voice out.. den.. aso forgot le la..

btw yiling ger jus called mi.. weeeeeeeeeee.... heee.. missed her.. hee.. she coming to my place.. hee.. yea yea!! wahahha..

wednesdae//blur.. sad..

wednesdae..2/3

darn.. bloody hell.. sooo du lan.. waste my time onli.. cant believe myself.. so stewpid.. jus got home.. and finished a plate of rice.. hungry and angry and tired... haiz...

coooooool down..

woke up @7.15am.. msg aini.. if should i skip tutorial for marketing.. damn tired..den i remembered dear.. he told mi once before.. since i wake up le.. no point sleep back for jus another stingy 1hr.. so might as well.. dear fav phrase to mi.. 'might as well'... dun think he ever noticed it himself.. so mi decided to go bath le.. miss dear.. dilly dally.. put on powder and pack my stuff.. decide to go sch den make up.. met fana ger.. she look good and i mean goooood... her skirt shorten.. jus a little off color with her heels.. wrong heels..but she still look good.. we met up wif aini at the shoppin arcade.. was greeted by ammar with a stern lookin face.. remind mi of dear onli.. stern but still as dashing as ever.. anyway..ammar later smiled at mi too.. he jokingly played stern-looking face.. hee.. next time it shall b my turn..den went to lesson at 8.33.. micheal cheong din bring his attendance book therefore everyone is gonna b marked present.. stewpid adeline kenna busted again.. haiz.. could hav take my own bloody time.. anyway.. miss dear.. anyway..

wasnt even listening to tutorial.. such a goner.. when am i gonna start concentratin on work.. went to toilet.. the three of us in one big cubicle.. make up.. den go mac.. read up on the preparation.. din do research on my company.. die liao loh.. know im suppose to do so.. but i din.. lazy.. aini was the first on the list.. i trust her to do well.. next jesslin.. den fana.. shitty hell.. skip sean's turn.. next my turn.. think i did okies.. but i contradict myself.. when asked wats my weakness.. i said.. i hav a hot temper.. but im workin on it.. DEN.. the thing is .. teacher say.. adeline.. keeping in mind tt this job requires one wif interest in customer relations.. therefore a good tempered and patient candidate would den b appropriate.. so why do u think u are suitable?? or rather why should we chose u.. damn i busted myself.. haiz... so i think hard.. tried to cover my embarrassment.. den i blurted out.. saying.. oh..i would like to put myself in this line of profession so that i can take it as a challenge for myself.. and also to feel the sense of achievement.. for my personal development.. so all in all i see to it as a challenge for mi.. hmm.. clever thinkin rite?? hope i did well bullshitting my way thru.. anyway i stumble when he asked where do i see myself five yrs from now in the company..see lah.. din prepare questions de hou guo.. fuck lah.. still hav to make him repeat..

enuff enuff..

went to toilet.. wif fana.. release my stress by takin pics.. hmm.. fana look good in my blazer.. she tried it on.. it was perfectly her size.. seemed to be hers instead of mine.. aini should hav seen it.. but she was gone wif ammar rite after her interview.. meet jw.. and joy.. discuss project awhile den go off le.. onli when joy called mi den did i realise i totally cleanly forgotten bout the marketing research project.. c'mon lyn.. u not as busy as a big time business woman.. but why keep forgeting things?!?!? imp project summore.. lucky joy put deadline on friday.. miss dear..

finally decided to go amk.. though high chance uncle jimmy wun be there openin shop yet.. but i jus wan to confirm.. so took train to amk.. but i missed my station.. the doors closed shut onli den i realise i did not stop at amk.. yada yada.. went to bishan took the other side go back to amk.. blur not u say?! haiz.. fuck lah.. stewpid day.. wat more stewpid things?!
reach le took a bus to the shop there.. confirmed uncle jimmy not there.. decided to go buy dear the mini tarts.. he liked the blueberry one.. the other time ate while in the bus on the way to dear place.. wa.. buy till so happie.. later suddenly realise i also not going to meet dear.. wat the fuck am i thinking?? still buy this still buy that.. wahaha.. i dunno whether to laff or cry.. oh God.. nvm lah.. least i hav all to myself to enjoy.. but haiz.. i tot .. haiz.. lyn ah lyn.. u think dear so free everyday everytime meet u de ah.. dun dun ever let dear know mi so blur.. think he will bring mi go see a phsychaitrist sooner or later.. wahahha.. btw i feel dear seem to be my loyal viewer.. seem to read my blog.. like dear can respond to my blog de.. but dear if in any case i do somehow hope u're reading this.. dunno .. so tt u can understand mi wee bit better?? watever lah.. dear also say b4.. this is all jus a waste of time.. might as well go ur the d**kch*n.com and read or your other sites can also be more interesting den any of my daily blogs.. rite dear?.. if u are reading..

anyway.. took a bus home.. waited for 55 to come.. as soon as it come, i boarded and sat down and slpt! almost rite away.. pig rite? miss deeaar.. slp and slp .. suddenly realise how come so long stil haven reach bishan.. open my eyes and got a shock.. so frighten loh.. almost drop my tarts and bread.. wahaha.. farni ah.. haha.. got down the bus.. went to the opp side take 55 again loh.. see!! how fkin blur can i get.. haiz.. sit till backside pain sia.. keep want to slide off the seat.. haiz.. start to get real irritating.. im starting to boil up.. as the ride seemed longer to reach home.. haiz.. can anyone understand??

darl.. pls watch ur hand kkz.. watch it.. dun play lion today or any other training.. oh ya.. talkin bout training.. i wan go runnin wif u lei.. take care dear..

tuesday//blur..

tuesday..01/03

dear now bathing.. hmm... let see how much i can blog while dear's bathing..

woke up @7.15am.. hee.. feel so excited.. dear's fetching mi to sch.. i now say i aso feel so excited.. still can exactly remember how i feel.. quick quick go bath.. change up.. heat the oil beat the egg.. and sizle sizzle sizzzle.. hee... making french toast for dear.. ai xin zao can.. hee... adeline u siao ar~ haha.. went down slightly a wee bit early.. wait for dear awhile.. dear so shuai as ever.. hee.. put my stuff.. den put on the 'pilot' helmet.. hee.. vroom all da way to sch.. hee.. cool...

therefor.. ms adeline tan today was early for lecture.. first time ever!! wahahha.. cold man.. lecture room cold.. brr... after lec decided to head to town.. with aini dearest.. haha.. (keepin in mind bout dear... ...) had churros.. chocolate glazed churros.. yummies.. dunno got chance to get one and share with dear .. wanna intro to serene ger too.. the inc glazing flavour.. think she'll like it.. hee.. but messy when attempt to consume.. wahahha.. den went to eat long johns..

later went to shop.. feel cool seeing all the shops slowly start to open.. hee.. think dear okie liao.. hee.. carry on at home ba.. hee.. hehehe..

mondae// blur..

mondae..28/2

*was looking through the pics i took on my international business presentation..and thinking bout joyce's case.. thanx irene for the pics..
thanx ger.. on one of the pics i wished it was jiawei dear instead of vash.. jus missed dear.. recently realise dear very nice.. drp a line jus to say i love u.. on msn.. i mean it may b nothin to others.. but dear dun sweet talk de.. and this could b once in a true blue moon loh.. so im really very happie.. dear also remembered his promise..

*bout joyce.. jus wanna blog abit on her.. i feel its very hard on her.. btw she is my sushi tei supervisor.. recently she jus broke up wif her bf.. they'd been together for 7yrs le.. heart so pain.. at first she jus keep saying they xing ge bu he.. somehow or rather i sensed it mus b somethin else loh.. true enuff.. it turned out to be a love triangle kinda thing.. years ago.. joyce found out her dear was already married wif a family.. back den she had already put in all her heart to loving him.. so she decided to leave status and name aside and concentrate on loving him alone.. but.. even so.. now that this guy already hav himself a mistress.. he still find himself another gerfren.. how can anyone in this world ever accept this?? told joyce.. if he can do things so rashly.. he can do things to u in the future too.. seeing her so big and tough but i know its onli on the outside.. but she's tearing apart on the outside.. i empathise wif her.. hope she's fine.. anyway u will need a love stronger than before to take our and forget the previous one.. hope her next prince will be a gentleman.. all my best wishes to her..

hmm... today.. woke up at 7.20am.. rushed abit.. den went to sch.. hee.. was on the dot.. hee.. not late.. haha.. met dear for awhile outside lecture hall.. to pass dear hp cover.. wanted to tell dear i hit my hand at the bus interchange there the stand.. dunno how to say lah.. the yellow and black thingy.. wa.. beri painful loh.. after i hit the pole.. u can hear the gooonngg sound.. haha.. i burst out laffing in pain.. and aso i saw lance.. din tell serene aso.. will tell her.. tt her boiboi handsome very much le.. haiz.. dunno wat i thinking meet dear onli i blur.. after lec went to b504.. nice.. fun.. we had a callin session.. hee.. jus reminded of dear again.. busy away at his call centre.. hee.. cant wait to show dear tt i took a pic of my phone too.. haha..

rushed the online resume.. hee.. den help irene and joy.. den edited mine again b4 i invite teacher to view.. anyway.. dear call mi after my sch.. always so accurate huh dear.. hee.. went home.. slept.. hee.. but i slep and wake slp and wake.. later decided not to slp le.. den dear cal.. chat chat ahwile.. dear at hougang mall.. dear went to look for my perfume.. he actually remembered i wan the redearth perfume.. hee.. haiz.. nvm ba.. no circle wif the perfume.. really like it loh.. the scent.. doesnt smell so strong those kind.. but if i tell dear i think he wun buy for mi le.. coz when spray, will hav glitter in the perfume de.. dear dun like glitter de..oh well.. least jing wen got it.. hee.. david paid twenty bucks.. jw paid the remaining nine bucks.. hee..

dear ah dear.. where u go.. so so late le.. faster come back and faster call mi kkz.. den faster slp le.. wan go sch together tml ma>??

so excited cant wait for tml.. gonna b fun.. meeting dear after shopping wif aini.. hee..i borrowed discount cards from my mum le.. hee.. bout nine of them..still got others but din take all.. paiseh ah.. haha.. but den again.. no money.. haiz.. dunno dear got enough to eat aso ma.. dun feel like askin him leh.. but i no money liaoz.. haha.. stewpid ger over here.. tryin to shop without the most important thing u need to shop.. haha.. haiz.. nvm.. soon soon.. hope i dun see anything i like tml.. hahha.. if not i knock my head hard man.. haha.. haiz... shit.. cant slp again.. haiz.. why always like tt..

acutally i very scared to go to slp recently.. even more afraid to wake up in the morning.. seeing those amount of hair that i dropped on my pillow.. and those still clinging onto my tee.. haiz.. going bald soon.. jus feel somethings workin inside mi.. i feel weird.. and i keep forgetting things.. this, maybe dear can testify.. i simply forget things jus like tt.. maybe jus paranoid but.. keep getting out of breath aso especially in the morning when im jus awake.. in sch aso.. hmm.. wanna try to eat more and slp early liaoz.. actually i aso dun feel its eating problem.. coz i DO eat.. haha.. dunno lah.. oh god.. wat wrong wif mi..anything can happen i jus dun wanna forget my close ones.. especially dear..

i love u darl.. nite.