my..oh my..

been a few days le..

wednesdae..2/3

yiling ger came to look for mi.. chat though for awhile.. but we shared alot.. felt for her.. i teared on her story.. roughly understand how she felt.. den i started to compare wif myself.. thinkin things thru.. hope she will come through wif her decision.. went to work..

thursdae..3/3

forgot.. went to dear place.. did work.. help him wif his webby i think.. did my research on china..

sch was bad.. cancelled my work.. did my work all over again.. coz i hav many similarities wif aini ger.. changed.. like i hav to change al those.. but i dun receive any instructions to do anything.. like i keep on wondering wat to do.. like so blur.. but everyone is busy with their own work.. i wonder.. haiz..

fridae..4/3

had a rough day today.. rushed out my work.. submitted our work jus in the nick of time.. though slightly passed 5pm.. but cher still accept.. stayed back while waiting for dear.. helped irene's group.. see them so stressed up.. rite after our submission.. i saw fana and aini left.. think they in a bad mood too.. shall leave them to cool off.. had called johan to hav a look at my page.. if im on the rite track.. he said five mins.. but i waited.. and waited.. and waited.. later he came to mi and ask mi to go get a file for our project submission.. ... so i went.. haiz.. sumtimes i jus wonder.. woke up late for project meeting wif dr tan.. msg received onli at 6 plus in the mornin.. how am i suppose to know? zzz.. im sleeping !! din go for mornin tut.. so end up late.. i reach le still can see ppl laffing and all.. dunno lah.. really wonder.. wth..
dear came my place.. after sch we went to amk.. went to sent his pants for alteration.. abit too tight.. make him look abit too sexy for his butt.. haa.. went to loosen it.. dear say jingwen daddy look young.. hmm.. think dear will look younger as he grows into an adult.. hmm.. went to j8.. we both pushed a trolley ard ntuc.. dear asked.. need to buy rice not.. make mi feel as though its like we are shoppin for our family.. our home.. ya.. adeline thinks too much.. wats new.. met danny kor cunxi and yasi.. had dinner wif them.. den went home.. dear watched two movies.. den went off le.. i went to bed.. dear told mi to sleep le.. next day workin mornin shift..

saturdae..5/3

saw jw at my workin place.. she brought david along too.. quite a few times le.. guess i wun hav the chance to do so.. dear dun like jap rest.. jus dun like it.. though i rem there was once dear brought mi to ajisen or wateva ramen jap restaurant at ps.. tired.. i scalded and cut myself.. but okie la.. not serious.. haa..

sundae..6/3

dear din go home previous nite.. dear went to his fren place to stay over.. next mornin dear call mi.. first person i hear the moment i wake up.. really like it.. dear decided not to go work.. since i not workin.. i accompanied dear the whole day..

dear said he felt his time wasted.. haiz.. why leh??

dear came over my place.. coz i think he know i dun like to rush.. so he came over first.. den he also need a place to ring his boss.. i pei dear go see doc.. get his hand wrapped.. all the while.. i felt like confessing to dear.. im havin a bad headache.. coz my ya chi tong.. pain till i headache.. had a hard time eating the meepok.. but lucky dear din see through mi.. scared la.. but meepok nice.. really.. but sch one nicer.. haa.. later walkwalk at hougang mall.. went home.. heard dear daddy cook green bean soup lei.. i like loh.. but dun feel like eatin either.. pain ya chi pain.. later dear still ask mi if i wan to eat cornflakes.. i wan .. so i slowly eat loh.. still eat crackers.. later in the evening.. din realise i keep burpin.. as in like buurrpp!! tt loudly.. first time dear still can say i look kinda cute.. later second time dear like irritated le.. ask mi stop le.. onwards i keep forgetting.. tt im in dear's pressence.. still burp like nobody's biz.. like only after i burp den i realise i shouldnt hav loh.. den i slap my mouth shut.. but too late.. dear kena pissed out le.. but i feel very funny.. coz i feel shiok when it comes out but i see dear fierce face everytime rite after i bump.. like very irony.. dunno lah.. dear angry liaoz i still giggling.. jialart sia.. silly adelyn still spill green bean soup on the computer table summore.. lucky dear din angry mi.. still say im forgiven.. sumtimes i really feel dear's love.. but at other times i feel dear dun like mi alot.. detest mi alot.. dear today keep saying he feel he wasted his time away le.. i know wat he mean la.. since he din go work and there goes his 50 bucks.. he should hav take the time to rest well at home since he so tired.. but he keep sayin machum i feel i shouldnt hav met dear in the first place.. heart pain sia.. really.. but come to think of it.. not really wat.. he put on his new screen protector.. dear really can take good care of things.. so unlike mi.. haiz.. he also brought home his new monitor.. he also got his wrist bandaged.. least he din really REALLY wasted his time rite?? haiz.. dear i may hav deadlines to meet.. and can still be meeting u.. but i dun feel im wasting my time loh.. coz dear.. im wif u.. dear.. maybe i can drop u a hint or two.. girls do love heart to heart talk often u know?? hope i din really waste ur time on sunday.. i feel like askin u.. to sit down and think.. carefully think.. if do u love mi.. and how much do u love mi.. i dun mean if do u love mi 'still' but i jus wan to ask if do u love mi..

mondae.. 7/3

had a dream..*

went to sch at 8am today.. as usual rushed.. but haiz.. go sch.. cher cancel.. her kid fall sick.. hope she's fine.. but haiz.. i rushed down.. jus not to be late.. but.. anyway.. had fun in CRM.. had another call session today.. this time we called out to real customer service centre.. budi's group was the joke of the day.. he called hotel 81.. and made himself a nuisance customer.. haha.. had the whole class laffing.. had breakfast at mac.. went down to atrium.. pass ger hashbrown.. saw dear.. he smiled.. i smiled.. dun feel anything le.. really.. i swear.. did not.. i DID NOT feel any tingle of jealous sensation le.. xi guan le i guess.. till dear walk over to mi.. 'ger.. wat u doin here.. ger.. jealous ah.. gerrr.. dun jealous la..' mi no idea at all.. haha.. but i played wif dear.. like give him those look like i dunno him.. haha.. but i cant bear it myself.. later talk to him le.. haha.. play few seconds onli.. but jus dun understand.. i can msg dear and get no reply.. but i see dear carrying other gers bag.. walking them in and out of sch.. to smoke?? wateva.. i feel... no.. i dun feel le.. hmm..

reached bishan.. ate at sakae sushi.. wanted bro to try the yukimi daifuku.. the mochi icecream.. i feel its rather special lah.. not really very 'wah' effect la.. but nice la.. but haiz.. stewpid.. no more liaoz.. got home.. bring kino down for a walk.. sat at the stone table there.. thinkin bout last time when i would meet dear there..wind blow.. i teared.. dunno wat i thinkin also.. siao~ bring baby kino home.. bath baby kino.. played ard.. haha.. den went out to meet da!! yesh!! but i feel da aged alot le.. heart pain.. she dunno how to take care of herself.. mi and bro see le so worried.. she always so blur.. ya.. took one or two pic wif da.. wan tell dear de.. jus now on msn and on phone.. i all forgot..

after tt went to take dear's pants.. jus in time b4 uncle went off loh.. lucky mi.. hmm.. went home.. bath.. wait for dear call.. all this while im thinkin bout us.. mi and dear.. the dream we had.. the same day.. bout the same dream.. jus feel it stronger le.. dear aso say he scared.. if will we break up.. but break den patch loh.. tts wat dear say.. haha.. dear still say if IF lah.. we happen to break.. and if he wans to patch.. i mus patch back wif him okies.. wahahha where got ppl like tt de.. haha.. actually i feel if dear ever wan to hav a break now.. the most ideal way i can reason out is tt dear still haven had enough fun yet.. still wan go explore summore.. den later come back.. but.. dear.. ever tot of mi.. how i feel and all.. asked dear to learn to share things wif mi.. i know his very different from b4 le.. but its no use.. can he ever understand my position?? it used to be mi behaving like him.. never like to share.. but wat happen now.. haiz.. i dun wan to be seen in the light.. and dear in the dark.. i dun wan dear to know anythin and everythin bout mi and yet i dunno so much bout dear.. its unfair.. dear say he understand.. tts why he's been tryin to change le.. he's been tryin hard to change.. dear.. i can give u all the time u wan..but if u still find it difficult to even share wif ur love one.. how can it be possible even ten or twenty yrs down??i dun wan u to try so hard.. but jus to please mi.. i wan u to feel comfortable at the same time too.. haiz.. how tosay how to say.. dear God.. i leave all unto ur hands.. take good care of my dear..

*dear i've been very so afraid since a long time ago.. when we werent talkin well.. havin communication problems.. a few weeks back already.. since the beginning of this yr.. when u told mi u dun wan mi le.. u got new gf le.. my heart really ached.. i really feel it ached.. jus like in the movies when they say their heart feel so wrenched up.. i feel pain.. i cried countless nights to sleep.. jus coz im afraid... and i cant tell u.. coz once i see u i feel everything is so perfect again.. do u still remember that nite.. when u borrowed JJ's bilke to look for mi.. u took mi for a spin in the night.. i teared on ur back.. but i controlled.. back at home.. i jus wan to hug u so tight.. coz i know if wats not urs, will never be urs.. i tot i will never get to see u or hug u again.. and jus in case.. jus in case.. anythin happen.. i jus wan to hug u first..

coz i can nv forget tt time.. when u got urself a new gf.. it was after two solid weeks of cold war den did u contact mi again.. and when u called mi up.. u said u got something to tell mi b4 i decide on anythin.. den u tell mi u gt another gf le.. and even ask if do i still wan u back.. so tts why i jus wan to hug u first..tts all i know.. all the way till now.. told myself things are fine already..im so so glad loh.. really.. tt jus suddenly things became quite better.. but dear.. i feel u tryin very hard like tt.. if tts the case.. i rather u dun so difficult.. jus b ur natural self.. dun change..

im tired.. nose stuck blocked le.. eyes cannot open le.. gonna get puffy eyes again..

dear.. can u hear mi....
take care.. dunlike to see so many plaster on ur fingers..
dear.. listen up..
i will still love u.. always.. no matter wat happens k..