What's Your True Color?

Green

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

- jus came across a website from a fren jon.. haa and this is my result.. im green.. i tot it was horny?? haa.. try it out okies..
What's Your True Color?
http://web.tickle.com/invite?test=1108&type=t

hmm.. i jus went to get my hair permed.. promised to accompany ma go salon.. so this morning ma came in to wake mi up at 10:30am.. she finally got mi off dreamland at 11am.. which is our appointment time.. haa.. and we are one hour late for our appointment.. so bad.. den end up i got my hair permed.. but wif regrets.. coz i din get the curls i wan.. i wanted big waves.. i got small perms.. i dunno wat but i jus din like it.. hope the curls die down soon.. till then i shall stay home and hide away from all dear ones.. :)
miss u baby..
went look for daddy at taka.. den did a little shoppin too.. bought chocolates.. donuts.. alot more.. and finally my mangoes.. i've been craving for it.. haa.. and its jus the two of us to carry all the rubbish we bought.. wahahha..

fridae 23/12
went out wif my close budd jw.. haa.. did some last min shoppin.. ger did her manicure and eyebrow.. hee.. pretty pretty.. i wish the pics can auto upload.. cuz im jus too lazy.. one day k.. hahha.. had great fun.. tt we even forgot bout our dinner.. wahahha.. better dun let dear see dis too.. else im gonna disappoint him again.. hahha cant help it la.. time flies when u're wif ya good frens.. really. hmm.. went home ard 12am.. bought baby a berms.. but its too tight for baby.. haiz.. gotta bring it back someday to change again.. srry baby.. but u look cute wif ya cute tight butt lei. hahha.. geez im mad bout butts.. haa..

sat 24/12
went out to meet sis my dearest sis.. missed her so much.. and its been so so long since mi and sis and kor had ever a dinner together.. been so long.. hee.. really treasure the time spent.. hee.. karaoke too.. haiz.. still no pics.. but all's flashing throu my head rite now.. hee.. den later went over to marina.. met sis bb.. hee.. his playin bowlin.. den later my turn go find my baby.. hee.. den went to danny kor place for the nite le..
called my bro along.. happy bro came along.. din wan him to spent his christmas alone.. :) we had a so call mini celebration.. played ard.. watched tv.. even bought log cake to eat.. hee.. but apparently we all forgotten about the cake till next afternoon when we wake up haa.. we played cards.. den drank martell.. hee.. but i din get to drink much.. coz dear forbid mi to.. had gastric earlier on.. dear was strict about it.. so i listened.. im a good ger okies.. so i can only see them drink even when its my turn to loh!! haa.. nvm.. i'll hav my turn.. i promise myself.. hee.. and my dear bro got drunk.. his very first time.. haa.. wat a scene.. my baby too.. too bad sis cant stay over.. so left mi and danny hoaxing dear to slp while my bro knock out liaoz.. hee.. soon after kor too knock out liaoz.. i had my little christmas wish before i slp.. :) merry christmas..

sundae 25/12
its christmas.. happie christmas and merry new year everyone.. hee..
happie birthday to you uncle..
to mi.. i love christmas.. its the season of sharing gift exchange.. the season of remembering christ's birth.. the time where christians all over the world celebrate the joy.. the time when we wrap presents for our loved ones.. i miss those time when i had to shop for presents during my GB times.. those were the days.. hee.. miss ya yiling ger.. hope u're doin fine.. :) went home wif bro.. den bath and rest before going ot for dinner wif family @ bishan's cafe cartel.. hee.. we had ice-creams too.. hee.. no pics again.. haha..

had quite a fun day today..though i had to sit through the test this early morning.. turned out most of the answers i had wasnt the same as vash.. as he was sitting beside mi.. hee.. enjoyed tt small tok cok session after the test.. do take care of urself okies.. dun always work work work and dun come for sch.. before u know it.. sch days gonna over soon.. yea.. :)

went for lunch in sch.. wif johan aini and fana ger.. jw still in lab doin prac.. yea.. the three noti gers.. decided to skip practical coz .. of many reasons.. or shud i say excuses.. hee.. had McChicken meal.. hee.. den went home.. while the rest went off to hougang mall for their interview wif their external mentor.. hmm.. din turn out well after all.. hope nobody spoil their mood okies.. :)

went home to rest.. while baby stayed on at kor's place.. coz its still raining.. yea.. and speaking of which.. its been a long time since i last walked under the rain.. let the rain jus fall on me.. washing off all weariness.. feels good.. once in a while.. hee.. but definitely not alone.. hahha.. better not let dear catch this entry.. :)

reached home.. bathed.. den played some games.. den dozed off.. hahha.. unintentionally.. hee.. wat a pig.. till baby called.. and since it was raining.. baby insisted i wear his raincoat.. haiz.. he said since he was already drenched.. so insisted i wear.. and i sure looked like an alien loh.. head so big.. coz of helmet.. den body so weird.. sumore the raincoat so long and big.. hahha.. wat a sight.. dear still took a pic of mi.. haiz.. silly guy.. hee.. :)

till all arrives.. we went for dinner at the coffee shop nearby.. lor lew lian i think.. hee.. was fun dining wif dear and family.. hee feels the.. hmm good feeling la.. dunno how to say.. jus miss those feelin i rarely get from my own family.. but watever the case.. its still not my family that gave mi the feelin after all.. sad. or pathetic?? i dunno.. hee.. went back to dear's place.. wif dear holding the umbrella.. hee.. how blissful can i get.. :)

relaxed and watched some tv before i decided to head home.. its after dear wans mi to cal and ask dad for permission if i could stay on.. yea its ASK hahha.. not tell.. my dear is so dear.. summtimes i jus wanna show daddy i dun take things for granted.. tt i wan to earn the trust from him as well.. hmm.. dun wish to elaborate.. since daddy wans mi home.. home i am :)

so dear wanted to send mi.. but dear's laopo bike seem to be sick le.. engine start off wif a funny sound.. as though its gonna give way or sort.. den i started thinkin if was it mi.. coz i was hesitating.. whether to tell or not.. this only my dear will understand ba.. usually i will have this undesirable feelin in mi.. tellin mi somethings not gonna go rite.. den if i say it out to someone.. it would not happen.. its rather hard to understand.. but.. yea.. this time i din and so.. got baby pissed i guess.. for being 'ti ki'.. hahha.. mi and my stubborness.. watever la.. im sorry baby.. should hav mentioned den maybe MAYBE nothin would hav happened.. forgive mi okies?? hee..:)

got home to rest.. baby replied to my msg.. i smiled so hard.. the msg i wanted i got.. :D hahha.. all this while i hav always wanted to hav dear bath and rest early together wif mi.. but i dun wan to be the only one saying and doin it.. and this time my baby replied and said we shall bath together.. and its a reply to my msg.. haha.. watever.. no one will understand the satisfaction i get.. im jus so weird sumtimes i cant even understand myself.. :) i always used to think im a person who is very very easy to pleased.. very gullible and sort.. hee.. tt i shal leave it to my baby to decide.. :)

nite peeps.. take care.. and God bless..

i love you dear.. thank you for a sweet nite..
i jus love tonite.. jus moments spent.. :)

times 6:15PM. could hardly pick myself up to study for tml's test. baby's gone out for project meeting.

life's been a blur for me these few days.. had been slacking over the past weekend. slept alot. listened to songs.. all thanx to jon for his songs:) but the more i slp the more tired i feel..

mondae 19/12..
tot wouldnt get to meet dear tt day.. went for morning lec.. such a good ger:) the rest of the lessons was a bore. went home den slacked again. tot would get to meet baby.. he jus had a hair cut. hee. den over at kor's place dyin hair.. so i went to take a nap.. but its too late to go anywhere coz i woke up ard evening le.. tot day was ending soon.. den i saw dear at my door step!! oh gawd. his hair cut made him look so cute.. so boy.. jus like it la.. more refreshed like he said.. but also more fierce if he din smile onwards.. hee.. later dear stayed over.. got him his towel and clothes... den later ma and pa came hoome.. den chatted awhile in the livin room.. den we went to bed le.. hee.. before tt i made him noodles.. coco pops.. hahha.. my baby..
but poor baby.. he hasnt been slpinn well for the past few nites le.... at my place too.. haiz..

tuesdae 20/12..
woke up early and decided to make french toast for aini ger and jw. made dear some too but dear din wan stay on my place. so he fetch mi to sch. and since im in sch for only one hr of tutorial, baby waited for mi at the library. till after my tutorial i went up to look for him den we watch finish the show together. later we went ddf, dou dou feng.. hee.. went to pasir ris beach.. den sat down together wif our drinks and food.. den enjoy the afternoon breeze. it was a rare thing for the both of us.. cuz usually kor or frens would come along.. its rare we got jus the both of us alone to ourselves.. but i like it when im jus wif dear alone.. den went dearie's place.. waatched tv.. slept.. dearie's ma cooked.. and i jus like the soup and the vege and the steam egg.. hee.. baby and i discussed about selling of his phone.. and..i jus like the feelin when we sit and discuss things.. :)
all the time spent wif dear.. i reaaly like it..

wednesdae 21/12..
today woke up ard three, and cooked lunch. so din get a chance to lunch wif dear. jus got to know dear din go for his proj.. it was cancelled.. hmm.. gonna stop here.. wanna look for chalet prices and availabilities.. hee.. but dunno confirm ma..

felt the piles of work coming up since monday.. had a long and tiring week.. glad its the weekends..

on sundae 11/12,
i went out late evening wif cunxi di. planned to celebrate danny kor's birthday but end up was seperated. kor's birthday on 12th. bought cake and waited up @ kor's place. so paiseh his sis opened the door for us. den cut cake and played ard till it was time to go home. it was 4am tt i slept.. yawnz..hahha..

on mondae 12/12,
i cancelled dinner @ kor's place. so sorry coz of mi u guys had to postpone the whole thing till another day. after sch, went to fareast and taka shopped wif jingwen.. we looked ard for the best cake available.. its gonna be aini ger's birthday on 13th. but we had a budget too. so got a small cake in the end. jus glad on the next day aini ger was happie. we tried to keep to our timing and reach home earlier. since theres a test the next day. so ard 5 i went home with a cake. kept it well refrigerated. bathed den started studyin. tired. till nine. met dear after his lesson.. though tired dear brought mi out to eat @ at cafe cartel. he's been yearnin for tt. hahha. den later came my place. dear accompanied mi to study. thanku baby.. u made my day end well..
happie birthday to danny kor and weicong!! all twenty liaoz. grown ups liao. hahha.

on tuesdae 13/12,
i woke up early. and got myself ready for sch, prepared the cake and all. went to sch and tot of how to hide the cake while i go for tutorial. really gotta thank the guy @ cheers for helpin mi out with the cake. oh btw, i bumped into a hunkie.. he's of about height 185 tall dark and tanned. yea but it was jus another guy. haa i love my baby still. so i left my number down jus in case. den i went for lessons happily. its ok dear i din wan to bother asking u to keep it for mi. i understandin u're havin lesson. den cut cake session after tutorial. lazy to put up pics. haven got my fav pic from aini ger yet.
entre lessons will be cancelled next week. as the biz side on holiday liaoz. drats! gotta cal up the funeral palour. for an interview end up i din get the interview dates and got refered to another. haiz. whu's gonna help mi wif this..
jus wanna say happie birthday to u sweetie.. and all ya wishes to come true ya!!
went home after sch to prepare for next day's test on internet marketing. baby went to kor's place to stay over.

on wednesdae 14/12
had my test and actually decided to go home to slp the rest of the day. but had to come back for make up tutorial. oh drats! so i went sch den dear came to sch from kor's place to fetch mi. how nice. had this nice feelin these few days. tt im again so lucky to hav baby. though sick and tired of life. somehow u need someone or something to keep u going. im glad i got mine.

on thursdae 15/12
went to sch for prac. in lab for four hrs straight. cold. tired. but i tried to get something done at least. i know im gonna hav to do lotsa work over the weekends le. haiz. i wan a break. went home den bathed and helped dear with another one of his news article. wanted to take a nap or start on my revision a little before dear come but his lesson ended early. hahha so i packed stuff and changed up loh.. a little moody den coz i felt quite rush. estimated time too late. reach dear's place le dear's sis's bf also there.. we had dinner watch tv vcd and slacked more. hahh time flies. bfore i 's knew its pass midnight le. sad i din help much in dear's proj. regret we start off too late. haiz. din know how i got to the bed too.. i think dear helped mi up. before he carried on with his work.
jus before i leave home for dear's place, my bro den asked din i received my present for my birthday. i was like huh?! coz my dearest bro wasnt in town den and all he did was called mi up to ask mi go take this piece of paper. yea i got scolded by dear too for not clearing my own curiosity to go check out the email. haiz. wat a letdown. i really regret my stupidity man. and i was touched really.. tt i teared when my bro finally bring it to mi in hand my present. it was a 'one carat big huge diamon princess crown necklace'.haa.. dun blame mi for the gd description but its the first time i had such a necklace. i like it anyway. im a princes anyway. haa. thanx bro.

on fridae 16/12
baby left for sch leaving mi still slpin this mornin. and he had to cal mi up twice before i finally leave bed. haiyo.. thanz dear. still feel bad bout dozing off and not helpin wif ya work. miss ya dear. din do well for my test today. totally off. my baby's tired too. hope everyone can catch their precious slp tonight and prepare for the week end and the week up ahead.

jus some thoughts that has been going through my mind. recently alot has happened. whether its on the open or on the other side. i hope to see the clear sides of both. but as it seems, i cant really figure out between the real and fake the good or bad, or the happy and sad. sometimes its hard to get it going wif people whom u think might or IS being plastic, if u know wat i mean. but yet again the question is why do people not rather work things out by talkin? or explaining? or giving each other the opportunity to express one's feelings? instead, they jus live it off with the pure innocence of minds. oh gawd. why.

met up wif my sis the other day.. to go find another one of our close fren.. since secondary sch.. missed her.. hmm she's still the same old bubbly clarice i used to know.. still always so suspicious to mi.. hmm..

glad i took time off to meet sis.. despite tons of homework to do.. glad to hav dinner together.. ger meet up soon again okies..

den the next day.. though things had gone a little off track.. im glad mi and baby is on the rite track back again.. i dun wnna go off track again.. im tired le.. lets not get on each others nerves and spoil things okie.. we'll jus watch our own temper.. miss youbaby..

yesterday seem to hav made a big mistake by taking things into my own hands and try to help make a person see things in a different perspective.. i nearly got myself into hot soup.. or am i already in a trouble situation.. i dunno.. all i can say is i only wan the better of everyone.. den went home bath..

tired le.. no mood too.. went to find dear ard afternoon time.. had dinner before we go find sis they all to help celebrate and cut cake wif her and her bb.. den it rained.. den i seem to hav a little arguement wif dear again.. why it always seem tt i can anger him so easily? its not the case last time.. maybe baby's losing his patience on mi le.. now tt he feels most of the time im different le..

like wat aini ger said.. maybe some soul searching need to be done?? but on myself instead of j**?? haiz.. dunno..

anyway glad to hav all turn up on sis bday eve..
hApPy bIrtHdAy to u Sis.. All tHe beSt tO u aNd uR stuDieS and All!!! Stay hApPY and PretTy.. And StAy sWeEt Wif Ur BB ya?! hee.. Luv yA lOts!!
and hope all things turn out fine wif her fren.. may God be wif her.. and peace surround her..

its always the case.. when im home and try to get things done whether to pack my cupboard or do some project.. i will nv find the due energy to do anything.. will be feeling lethargic and moody and restless.. maybe caused im feeling a little uneasy not working on weekends ba.. which is now causing my thighs to be growing fatter and fatter liao lo.. haiz..

baby.. now tt ur parents are abroad.. pls take care of urself hao ma.. and promise not to slp too late okies.. miss ya..

- jus had a mental block staring at the screen for bout 11mins.. -

tryin to recall the whole of yesterday...

woke up feelin tired.. back ached.. but tot i might hav a chance of meeting up wif dear.. so hurriedly got up and prepare for sch.. lessons went well.. attended internet security and administration lec. den accompanied dear in the library.. till my lesson starts.. entrepreneur was ok.. den had proj discussion at bishan coffee bean wif aini.. den met up wif sis.. wanna say so much here.. but i jus got no mood at the moment..

i dun know wat i wan.. why.. seem to be even stucked with my own keyboard and fingers..
hate this feeling..


leave it..

exlicit content removed..

wanted to blog once i got home.. but.. yada yada.. dilly dally here and there.. haha.. rested abit le den finally got down to blog.. hee..

was thinkin bout baby.. we stayed over each other's place over the weekend.. i stayed over his place on fri.. told mum and dad.. they acknowledge le.. hee.. finally see no protest.. den baby came over on sat.. hee.. sweet sweet.. hee.. den i remembered.. baby jus bath finished den i was wondering how come he smell so nice.. hahha.. den i should hav taken down the expression on his face.. hahha.. i ask wat shampoo or shower bath he used.. he say green one.. hahha.. jus nice my doggie shampoo is green in color.. and i bathed him tt day too.. hahha.. den i guessed i scared the shit out of him.. he tot he used the wrong shampoo.. hahha but after i checked it turned out tt mum brought home a new shower foam bath.. hahha.. squeeze out only is foam le.. so fun.. im usin it now too.. hahha.. baby u so cute..

hmm.. did tutorials yesterday.. hahha.. so guai.. even danny kor say mus reward mi lei.. hahha.. he's gonna buy mi ice cream.. ended up slpin late last nite.. and skipping this morning's lec..

hmm.. today lab lesson cancelled.. cher not ard.. bloody hell they should inform us earlier rite.. hahha.. den i think i wun come to sch.. hahha.. anyway i went to bishan wif jw and aini.. hee.. we had ya kun.. den i thought of serene.. hmm.. miss her.. but shall meet her very soon le.. hee.. shall not expose any of the sort here .. hahha.. i had a little chatting sesison wif gerald and papajo and aini in one of the tutorial rooms.. tts while waiting for an available lab to do out proj.. but haiz.. waited so long later we ended up leaving le..
hahha.. but i believe we all had a good time chatting.. bout so much.. hahha.. shh...

later we gonna watch movie after babys lesson.. hee.. book tickeets le.. hmm.. shall go bath and slack awhile first.. cya peeps..

fana.. take good care okies.. get well soon.. cya soon tml.. i got u something hee..

not once but twice in a row..

i'll nv forget the look u gave mi wif ur eyes starin so fiercely the previous nite.. u know wat it tells mi?? it tells mi hatred.. tt u only hav hatred for mi.. cant wait to jus simply give mi a tight slap.. wat did i do wrong.. den again the following nite..

wat happen??wat the hell.. jus wat the hell did i do wrong?? estimated wrongly?? did i not cal u ?? its not as if i go out play? chiong? or at a fren's place.. im sorry.. i shall sit on ur shoes and ponder on myself.. i did not keep to my word bout going off in a short while.. i took longer than fifteen minutes.. we cleanly forgotten all about the whole stack of uncounted plates and containers back at the pantry.. we only concentrated on those outside ones.. we over estimated the amount we had to clear wif jus so little man power.. yea its our fault we handle it too lightly by having only three full time stayin back.. but tts the only amount of full time we hav in our outlet.. other than the manager himself.. but are you even interested to listen to my explanation? no.. you are too angry yourself to even cool down to catch a breath..

all these.. will u wan to listen to mi?? if i had said it out? you were boiling.. u were fuming mad.. u cant jus take in watever i say.. so wat for i say.. u will only say.. 'oh so now its my fault la.. ' so wat now?? how do u expect mi to carry on the conversation when its already not a conversation??

hav i been misbehaving? hav i always been playing missing in action? so hard for u to find? this is the very first time i cant account for my absence for u.. but tts also because im at work damn it.. its only the very first time..

whu would love to get shouted at after a long hard day at work? of all things..........

i know u are tired.. i know i eventually got u out of the house jus coz of mi.. i din mean to..

you know it.. that i hate i hate and i hate most to be shouted at.. of all things.. u had to jus do it your way.. and its only the one and only time i got too carried away wif my things.. and u had to flare up this way..

is it tt u are tired of mi already? tt im getting on ur nerves already? tts every little mistake i do will get u mad.. pls prove mi wrong i hope im really wrong.. coz u can jus flare up at mi at the slightest..

.. i tot u would understand tt there's a reason if i do not attend to my every calls .. i know i cant make u presume im still working.. but i did told u before tt i'll be late.. din i? all my frens say they were so so envious of mi.. coz i hav such a caring one.. to pick mi up.. to come out at such an hour.. i too felt touched.. really.. i feel good.. but at the same time i know im in for some shit.. so.. jus as expected..

its all my fault.. i should hav worn my expensive new watch.. i should hav carried my phone along wif mi all the way.. i should hav go checked my fone once in awhile.. i should hav.. but i din.. its all my fault..

u in the wrong?? of coz not.. u were jus concern bout mi being late home and my safety.. wat the hell am i thinkin.. how could i.. perhaps.. u are too tired now tt sch starts.. and ur bp raising.. i should hav tot of it.. im sorry im not caring and understanding enuff.. haiz.. how many sorry hav i wasted.. i..............

i jus hate to see u flare up.. really..

tts all i hav to say.. im heart brokened..

pls dun cut mi of like tt in the future.. i got.. haiz..

once again i hav to be shouted at..

its half past two and i jus got home from pubbing at meridien wif my grp of close sst gers.. coming to terms tt we are closing soon.. tml would be my last day at work le.. i miss them!! haiz..

with the great appreciation from dear who came to pick mi up.. so i wun hav to spent money on cabbie or sit fren's dad car.. love ya.. but i had to spoil the nite.. yea.. its mi who started it..

baby im sorry i got u to misunderstand mi.. i dun mean to even throw a temper at you or to find fault.. bleah.. shall not blabber much here.. jus wanna say.. u were not u when u flared up at mi.. i was really jus so taken aback.. tot u jus simply wanna give mi a tight slap and ride off rite away.. wif those glares.. i held back baby.. i was.. WAS scared.. but jus din wanna show it.. hope u dun get to see this entry.. i wun wanna tok bout it anymore..

im sorry..

now tt baby's in my living room.. i thank God for everything..

shall read mails le..

nite peeps..

had a tiring day today.. lesson at nine.. was late as usual.. but least i attended the lesson.. better late den nv.. hee.. met baby after his lesson.. baby went ahead to book for his advance theory le.. hmm.. when will be my turn.. hee..

attended IT in logistics lec.. when i can rest and laze ard for another hr.. haha.. coz nowhere else to go.. yea.. so im glad im not takin tt module.. i can slp rite thru the lec and no doubts bout it.. haha.. borin sia.. the lecturer.. is those kind loh.. haha..

den i had entreprenuership.. yea in tht room beside bpos.. haha i missing tep times.. den later realise i wasnt in the same grp wif aini fana le.. haiz.. dun mention le.. haha.. nvm la.. whu ask mi groupin time din go sch.. haiz. so i end up wif budi and another two guys frm sbm.. how nice.

glad budi was still ard la.. but today's discussion din go well either.. i was blur.. cant expect anything much from mi since we met only like five mins ago.. den haiz.. all damn quiet kind.. die la.. den i really wasn working well in the brains le.. got no ideas to share.. siao liao.. den realise they made mi the leader too.. wth.. haha.. haiz. cher come den the two guys say mi and budi not talking.. only they contributing to the discussion.. haiz.. help mi somebody.. die liao.. din feel good bout it le.. haiz.. i hope things will turn out fine.. i believe it will be hard.. coz we hardly know each other. how to work together? and to even produce something?? i really hope things turn out fine eh??

later went to scan admin den decided to skip lec le.. too tired.. scared slp in lec sia.. saw jasper.. dewen.. baby say he saw jasper too.. hmm.. later got to realise joy finally finalised her stuff and is now in my grp wif fana and aini and johan.. hmm.. shall try to work really hard this time.. i try..

angry however..

had a hair trim.. hair had grown long and i dunno since when i had a trim le.. too long.. din take good care of my hair condition too.. haiz.. too dry and blah blah.. haha..

sis.. jus would like to leave u a note here.. can understand the feelin of joining a new batch and not having the same ppl ard u to pass the day.. but i hope u will do okie in time to come okies.. slowly ba.. anyways.. concentrate on studies can le.. not whether ur gers are there anot..wats important is they stay in ur heart.. i believe they've not forgotten u.. its time we find a day to meet up and chit chat okies ma?? i hope to hear from u too.. hee.. soon okies?? im only working till this week end le.. sushitei closing down on 21st.. haiz.. haha.. den i'l not worry not having the time to dine wif u le.. next week ba.. hao ma?? hang in there.. love ya sis..

baby.. i miss you..

was quite bz recently.. it was my birthday.. hee.. some of my frens might think its rather pathetic.. spending ur birthday working away.. hee.. but i was fine and rather had fun working.. if not i also not doin anythin else.. besides on my birthday.. my sst gers celebrated my birthday for mi.. so sweet rite.. haha.. thank you so much.. especially to joyce june and zhenbei.. joan and angie and peiru and annabelle.. hee.. belle played an imp role tt day.. by tryin to 'act' normal tt day huh.. haha.. thankz thankz.. im really gonna miss you gers very very much.. really.. mus keep in contact okies..

baby im sorry i forgot u might took effort to take off jus to accompany mi tt day.. im sorry darl.. i appreciate the effort okies.. and thanx so much for all the trouble for the ice cream cake and presents.. i liked my new my melody cup and soft toy chain.. thanx to my sst gers.. i like my almond roca chocolate.. tts my fav amongst all chocolate.. hee.. but too much is no good i noe.. hee.. and thanks johan gerald and jon.. for the cute little pig.. i got a pig from u guys last yr too.. thankx.. really.. i will be able to create a pig farm soon.. hee.. thankx for a new bag from yasi.. and not forgetting sis.. thanx for ur little present.. :) baby.. thank you for the lovely presents.. the cake the time and effort spent.. really.. hee.. haven got down to really thank u.. but i was happie tt day.. really liked the watch and the jacket u got mi.. jus tt.. it happened to be of the same as a good fren of mine.. not to expose too lightly.. hmm.. anyway... i hope i did not offend anyone in any way okies.. no hard feelings.. peace to tt..

den on the day after my birthday.. the day sch reopens.. hee.. attended sushi tei 11th year anniversary dinner and dance.. it was held at new park hotel.. met up wif frens.. den went for the make up and styling.. haha.. had fun la.. drank only two glass.. haha.. ate very little though.. drank den danced.. den soon its time to go home.. haven got thetime to update the pics.. or should i say i nv really sat donw to do my pics.. jus too lazy.. its gonna be my last week working at far east sushi tei.. this coming fri sat and sun.. and den.. hmm.. i think i shall take a short break den maybe go look for other part times ba.. :) or i shall jus depend on my baby.. wahhaha.. muahahha..

sch reopens again.. and im already into my second week.. hmm.. grouping week's over.. now its time to start chewing up on notes and tutorials.. its my last yr last sem anywayz.. i hope to enjoy my last sem here... hmm.. hope all things go fine..**

baby.. jus a word to you..
thank u for having dinner wif mi after ur long day of sch.. i appreciate tt.. u did make my day somehow though it was going to end..u kept ur word afterall.. haha.. i even forgotten u said something sweet the nite before.. i promise not to anyhow think.. i'll try.. at the same time.. i hope things so well wif u and her and all ur frens.. i dunn wanna be an unreasonable b i t c h by gettin all paranoid over things tat are only imaginable.. baby help mi okies.. i hav so much more to say.. if only i could..

i love you darl..

nite..

happie birthday to you johan.. may all ur wishes come true.. and stay happy always..

yawnz..

its tuesday.. the beginnin of a new week.. my sis.. and dear.. those in business sch.. all started their last semester le.. i've still one more week of holiday to go.. hmmz..

baby in my living room now.. watchin tv.. hee.. my bro.. gonna miss him in the coming few days he's not ard.. he's flying to cambodia.. haha.. for his mission trip.. sort of.. haha.. haiz..

these few days hav been rather tiring for mi.. weird.. backache.. den ankle ackle.. den heart ache.. seriously getting old le.. haha.. haiz.. dunno wats wrong wif mi too.. maybe its jus the sleep sleep and more sleep syndrome.. hee.. anywayz.. gonne go out to call dear in to sleep le.. take care peeps..

oh btw.. am looking forward to my dinner and dance on the 7 of nov.. which is also my first day of sch.. which is also one day after my birthday.. haiz.. my bro will not be ard though.. haha.. weird thinking bout how much boring it will be..

nite peeps..

went for chalet early this week.. monday till wed.. had fun wif my frens.. made a new gd fren too.. guo liang.. hee.. his birthday on 5th nov.. one day older den mi.. hee.. his a gd fren to make.. muz thank jasper.. anyway.. chatted wif guoliang in the early mornin.. coz i couldnt slp well.. woke up early coz of gastric.. hee.. it was really fun havin him ard.. anyway.. throughout the whole chalet.. i had brought dear over too.. he came after his work.. i bet his tired out.. but i appreciate his effort.. really.. though we had a little squabble the second nite.. dear made frens wif few of my frens there.. hee.. cunxi came along too.. hee.. all in all.. i had fun.. but to an extend.. there was some thing somewhere.. somewat disturbed mi..

maybe all things happen too fast or maybe my eyes are seeing things too slowly.. haha if u know wat i mean.. firstly.. celine thanz for being there throughout the chalet from the beginning till we board the bus home.. thank jiawen for taking care of mi too.. and i bet u did enjoy ur sleep there huh?? hee.. thanz yugi and guoliang for accompanying mi to get my medicine wor.. touched.. hee.. guo liang for teaching mi to play mj too.. haha.. to yugi and celine.. we had a fun time going to the jacuzi and the steam bath.. wahaha we made jasper waited for us to come out. wahahha.. thank joey for having fun together wif us.. nice knowing u one step closer.. jasper.. thank you for telling mi more bout urself.. dewen and ivan for coming down and hav fun wif us too.. and to vash.. im disappointed wif u.. really.. i dunno wat to say.. anywayz hope u did enjoy urself..

end of chalet.. took bus 53 to baby place.. hee.. spent the day wif him.. yea!! missed baby so much.. i bet the rest would be home snoring away.. but we went out to meet dear's boss and den baby got mi a watch too.. too expensive and precious le.. i really love it.. a hundred percent.. if not for tt reason.. i would hav liked it for a hundred and one percent.. omg.. haiz.. watever.. thank you baby.. stayed over the second nite as well.. hee.. it rained..

went to work on fri.. everythings back to normal.. see frens preparin clothes for D&D.. haha.. im a little lazy and less enthu bout it suddenly.. tired.. today din go work.. woke up wif a back ache.. si ma.. its so painful till u cant even bend ur back to put on ur underwear!! wth.. wats more sit on the toilet bowl.. haiz.. sad day.. haha.. i had dear's company though.. its here in my heart.. hee.. i mus be nuts.. baby haven cal mi yet.. its 2.04am le.. haiz.. baby where are u.. i wan u home to rest early.. why its so hard for u to listen.. baby can u pls listen?? i love u baby.. come home early.. take care..

baby i feel we are like close as before.. am i rite sayin this?? or is it jus mi again.. i hope to remian this way forever.. i hope we share more too.. im really thankful for this period u're giving mi.. love you..

workin 10am tml.. nites..

** sis.. i missed you.. sch startin soon.. send mi a copy of ur timetable yea?? we'll keep a day free to meet again every week jus like when in yr1 sem1 time hao ma.. take good care of urself.. love ya..

gd mornin all.. as early as my clocks says.. its 8.08am.. not tt i wake up early.. its tat i hav not touched my bed and hugged my pillows yet.. yea.. i couldnt slp.. but rather tired though..

end up lookin through some pics and deleting some old docs away.. com slowed down alot.. needa clear alot rubbish in my com le.. pics especially.. uploaded the pics i took on my baby's birthday.. and managed to send them to ah xi and sis..

its been quite awhile since i last wrote.. had been workin since last week thursday till this week mon.. straight five days... tiring.. yet fun.. get to be wif my sst gers.. getting kinda sad and anxious at the same time.. yea sushi tei far east outlet closing down le.. all whu are regular customers there.. quickly come down a few more times okie.. before u run out of opportunity to eat there.. i will miss the environment in there.. and workin wif the ppl there too.. customers.. especially imanaka san.. its been close to 6 weeks since i last saw him.. haiz.. missed him though..

wun get the chance to bring dear there to eat le.. not much time we've got since his on attachment still.. suddenly remembered zhen yi.. she left sst quite long ago le.. went over to fine dining at boat quey there.. asked mi along but i was still considering.. i remembered those times.. we were working together.. den there was once.. her bf came over to specially order yasai miso soup for her.. knowing it was her break time.. he paid and quickly left.. giving her a surprised.. haha.. still remember to shock face on her.. btw his called davindrance.. long name huh?! haha.. yea.. he's half a chinese and indian.. but he looked 100percent chinese loh..wadever.. at times he would sit in at sushi tei, order a glass of orange juice and read newspaper.. but everyone knows he's there jus to accompany zhenyi..speaking of which.. dear has never seen mi at work.. haha.. except jus for that one time i remember..when he came down to fetch mi after work.. as we are suppose to catch a movie.. i rem baby was feelin rather unwell den.. hmm.. so far.. yiling ger.. yasi.. danny kor.. cunxi.. jingwen came before.. ohya and esther.. haha.. and alvin too.. gonna miss far east sst.. btw im going for sst D&D.. hee.. yea!! baby agrees too.. heard i was going to be nominated for miss sushi tei.. i hope not.. embarassed myself onli.. haha.. be it june or annabelle.. i think beter den mi.. hah.. lookin forward.. hee..

hmm.. i jus watched two movies jus now.. oh i mean yesterday..haha.. the skeleton key and the 40yr old virgin.. if u would like to sit in for a gd laff.. the latter would be a gd one.. baby came to pick mi up after he sent his laopo bike for inspection.. hee.. we went j8 walk walk..saw cai hua.. told him things i felt maybe i shouldnt.. since its so long ago.. it looks as though im tryin to make them fall out as frens.. no intentions baby.. i jus wanna let u know.. coz i felt it was rather on impulse on her part.. wadever.. hee.. anyway.. we had teppan yaki at food junction.. hee.. food was okie.. everythin was okie.. of cos la.. my baby wif mi.. haha.. i feel baby gave mi the lead.. we had teppan yaki instead of dear's cartel.. we watched two movies instead of walkin ard town.. which was dear's intention.. hee.. machum i queen lei.. haha.. i am queen.. queen lyn.. wahhah..i had a good time wif my baby.. thank you baby.. its been a long time since i had a good time with you.. really.. i feel good.. dunno wats the difference but it felt real nice..

tot i was going to ruin dear's mood.. as i screwed things up the nite before.. i had advertly hurt alvin's feelins too.. din know how to help the situation.. so i shut him up.. haiz.. so not mi.. but it was getting on dear's nerves.. but that incident also helped us to get closer.. though i made him cry and made us lost our slp.. im sorry baby.. but thank you for still believing in mi.. really.. thank god we kissed and made up.. really..

we rested our eyes for an hr plus and dear had to wake up for his medical check up.. so i waited for him at his place.. feel so warm.. erm.. like my home yet so unfamiliar kind but its a sweet and infamiliar kind if u know wat i mean.. hmm.. his mum and dad was home.. talked wif his mum after i got up ard one.. haa.. she asked if is baby still havin alot gers coming after him.. haha.. and said.. he has a bad temper.. and its not gonna help if it goes on.. well im glad its gettin better though.. we talked bout serene too.. and about him goin on army.. den baby's mum also mentioned its rather difficult havin to please everyone in the family de..not an easy task.. take the chrysanthemum for example.. my baby likes it sweet.. while his sis doesnt.. haha.. hmm.. food for thoughts.. haha.. anyway.. i like the feelin of waiting for him at home to return home.. hee.. enuff said..

hmm.. quite amazing at how much u can get from a gal who din get any rest for the whole nite.. haha.. i hope baby.. will get enuff rest and get up early.. hav his lunch den go to work.. baby.. please be more normal can.. haha.. u really becoming more and more abnormal lei.. wan a healthy baby.. hao ma.. love you.. good nites..

**hav been thinkin through.. wat my other frens hav told mi before.. am i really considered stewpit at times .. but i feel its not easy being a stewpit gal too.. if one understands.. it pays off.. eventually.. i know it will..

nothin much

its been long since i last blogged.. shall take the next five mins to quickly recap the ups and downs recently..

it was dear's twentieth birthday..happiest birthday to u darl.. all ya wished will come true okies.. haha.. and grow up le.. pls be a good boi.. hee.. stay handsome big and strong and stay my baby always okie.. i love u darl..

many things hav happen.. recently met up wif an old fren.. esther.. a close fren when we were still back in gb.. missed those days ma?? haha.. she got a new baby to take good care of.. hee.. happy for her la.. and also got to know a new fren there.. alvin.. nice knowing u.. tld u many times le.. u really look like my godbro.. hee.. take care dude..

anyways.. i have to thank kor.. sis and ah xi for comin down to cut cake wif dear.. kor thanx so much for accompanying mi the whole day lei.. i bet its tiring..u specially took off from camp jus to pei mi for his bday.. and thanks for listening too.. i will try to heed ur advice.. one can forgive.. but one cant forget easily.. muz remember that..

okies.. jus came back from dear's place today.. shall go get ready for work le.. i'll be working till sun.. den going on chalet on mon.. yeayea!! Joey!! celine!! miss ya gerls.. take care okies.. meet up soon.hee.. and Vash!! jiawen!! haha.. Jasper!! haha..

oh well.. time flies ppl.. till then take care..
take care baby.. i miss you..

huggies..

its the end of my sch term's attachment.. this coming week would mark the beginning of my holiday.. bout a month of holiday..

jus when i tot things would slowly improve.. it's jus the opposite.. jus when i tot i hav got the understanding and trust of a close one.. it jus hav to be the other way round.. dunno how to do and wat to do.. anymore.. im really breathless.. speechless.. deep inside its really tiring to hav everyone on ur side..

enuff is enuff..

fri on the last day of my attachment.. went to hav dinner @chompchomp.. together wif the nine of us who are going for chalet.. si da mei nu and the four masketeers plus one more dewen.. tts mi celine yugi and joey.. vash jasper ivan jiawen and dewen.. after dinner at chompchomp.. we went to this place called the ambaralle's pub or something.. nice little cosy place to stay ard and chat.. we had fun chating and playin stewpit games.. had a drink or two.. baby's fine wif it..

sat went to work.. after so long.. felt i din go work for months.. haha.. worked full shift.. and i finally saw imanaka san.. missed him so so much.. stil tot wat happen to him.. so so glad to see him again.. and as usual i brought him his cold sake.. chatted awhile only.. that day was trash.. super busy.. first time i busy till very pek chek.. got scolded or rather given sacarstic remarks.. shall not bother talkin bout it le..

feelin so bad.. so down.. baby called.. so we decided to go catch a movie.. we were hesitating coz baby felt i was reluctant.. catch'the dukes of hazzard' wif korkor.. we saw baby's fren desmond too.. and my old sick classmate.. eee yer.. disgusting... mentioning him only gimme goosebumps le..

sun i was late for work.. first time ever so late.. start work at ten.. and i woke up only at ten.. how nice.. reached ard 1030 ba.. haha.. after work went to paragon sushi tei.. wif beibei and june and xinxian.. to celebrate angie's bday.. happie birthday ger.. 21st birthday le.. freedom le ger!! im awaiting mine.. stay pretty okies.. love ya!!

all the way till now as im blogging.. im still so heart broken..
is everything slowly dying on mi soon..

baby im glad i still hav u..
love you..
goodnight..
ur little princess.. awaits her freedom and destiny..

fcuked up!!

i had a glimpse of myself in the future.. behaving the way jus like my mother is.. i fear it would be reality.. i feel more like her.. especially when i shouted and lost myself the other nite.. i became so ridiculously unreasonable.. had the feeling of hatred, annoyance, disturbed and lonely all at once.. no one.. NO ONE will ever understand.. how it would hav felt..
jus like a small helpless littly fly.. being smacked to the bottom of the ground.. no one will ever notice.. no one will ever bother.. no one to empathaise or even sympathise on.. pathetic.. tts mi..

had this feelin so strong.. *&^%$#@!

i appreciate ppl whu care for mi and loves mi.. but do they care and love mi for whu i am? or are all human jus another bunch of hyprocrates??

i feel...
dear needs to be taken care of.. dear needs attention.. everyone needs attentions.. dear wans a good girl.. who listen's to him.. all his do's and dont's.. dear needs someone whu can give more.. more than mi.. all these.. i feel i cant achieve.. as im growing more towards learning the attitude of mother... this irks mi.. a whole lot.. how to explain? how to expect one to understand when u cant even explain it on ur own?? help..

i feel...
i need to be taken care off too.. i need attention too.. i wan someone to listen to my nonsence too.. someone who can give so much not askin any for return.. sounds like im askin for god.. maybe i should ask for god's help.. its been a long time since i last talked to god in heart and share wif him.. help..

i feel tired.. emotionally, physically and mentally..

i feel im being a nuisance.. im giving up hope.. on myself.. leaving it all plainly to fate.. for it to tell mi the directions in life..

it was a close shave..back den on jiu yue jiu hao.. (9Sep) dear say.. all those.. it felt so so real.. to mi its jus like a truth le.. please dun ever let history repeat again okies.. its hard for mi to feel alright again.. dun u know.. even till the next day.. i dun even feel natural callin u dear anymore..

i feel as though we are already going on seperate ways.. even though we met that nite..
i was contented and relieved when u finally open your mouth and finally spoke to mi.. so happie that i realise i got u back to my side..cant wait to see you.. so happie i got choke tryin to tell u im glad u finally spoke to mi.. but in the very next min.. im not at all happie..its feels so weird.. i feel im living on a chance only.. do u understand.. i feel im not loved anymore.. i hav caused u too much disappointment..

please dun let mi feel u dun wan mi anymore.. if so tel mi straight.. and tts it and i'll try not to cry and walk away forever le..okies.. or it'll feel weird.. u understand?

though u emphasized everything is fine already.. but im in the state of mixed feelings le.. already lost myself in thoughts le.. i need u to pull mi out from it..

since we seldom talk bout ur feelings.. i shall guess..
i guess u feel.. lost too..mus be asking youself wats happen to mi.. to begin changing.. and giving up on myself.. wheres the cute little innocent adeline.. why do i hav to add on to your endless stress at work and money and time.. and in time to come.. you're going to army.. maybe sumtimes u even wonder.. why in the first place.. mi?? why is it mi.. i feel.. u mus be very sad.. that i've changed.. and that u blamed yourself for not being able to guan wo.. you feel very lousy.. very tired too?? u wan a change in life.. cant wait for something big to happen.. to sickenin of this routine life le.. is that wat u're thinkin dear?? thinkin that why is it always so hard for mi to stay over your place even jus for one nite.. why so hard for mi to get my parents trust.. why do i hav to hav a family that behaves so differently from the rest of the familes.. why a weird family.. why do i hav to be the one u love and hate at the same time.. is that wat u thinking dear?? actually its quite fun though.. trying to guess what u could hav been thinkin all these while.. yea theres more.. i wanna be the worm in your brains in my next life.. so i can be in ur head all these while.. and yet know wat u're thinking all the time.. haha.. i mus be mad..

i miss you again.. im thinking of you again.. u're always on the back of my head.. above everything or anything i do.. always think bout u.. forgive mi for feelin scared.. but i feel im walking on thin ice.. i'll fall anytime.. are you thinking of mi.. do u ever miss mi.. maybe u did.. but i dunno only.. coz u wun say out too..

im slowly regaining conscious.. but i need u ard still.. help mi out.. okies??

Life's Struggles

A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. On the day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the moth for several hours as the moth struggled to force the body through that little hole.

The moth seemed to be stuck and appeared to have stopped making progress. It seemed as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. The man, in his kindness, decided to help the moth; so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The moth then emerged easily. But its body was swollen and small, its wings wrinkled and shriveled. The man continued to watch the moth because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to and able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life crawling around with a small, swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

The man in his kindness and haste did not understand that the struggle required for the moth to get through the tiny opening was necessary to force fluid from the body of the moth into its wings so that it would be ready for flight upon achieving its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of a struggle, he deprived the moth of health.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets, and don’t forget the power in the struggle.

~i miss you baby.. am really thankful for u.. for everything.. all the happie or sad moments.. all the happie and sad tears u brought to mi.. im thankful u entered my life then.. i love u.. thank you..

no one should

shout at the top of their lungs at their loved ones..
no one should

point fingers at their loved ones..
no one should

make one another cry jus cause u're in a foul mood ..
no one should

wake the whole family up in the middle of the night..
no one should..

but i did..

im hurt..

speechless..

**lost it.. i totally lost it..

baby..

mondae.. 5/09

went home as usual after work.. din go find dear though i felt like it..
felt lonely somehow.. din feel rite.. dun wanna go home..

had noddles den went out to meet anto and sis and bro.. yasi was ard too.. wif jasmine and jj i think.. not too sure.. guys left and i was left alone talkin to anto.. felt his pain.. haiz.. so big le still like one small kid kind.. only think of others.. chatted awhile den went home le..

went home.. din feel well.. vomited my dinner.. my noodles..
msg dear and had a pleasant talk..
my baby jus made my day though its already the end of the day le..
thank you baby..

**listening to my frens' one by one.. listen their stories.. suddenly feel im really lucky to hav u ard dear..jus like a jigsaw puzzle and the missing piece.. its u i feel.. that made mi complete.. my missing piece.. glad i found you..

hmmz... went baby place yesterday.. hope baby slept well.. rushed a little.. coz i din wanna be too late.. was already runnin late le.. den almost forgot to take my uniform for work later.. im sorry i know i shouldnt even be workin today.. evn more tml..

came to work.. waited for bus 31 for quite some time.. finally it came.. den reached scs only.. it rained like dunno wat.. so cold in here.. den faster meet huiling to clarify mistakes to amend.. den finished it all in half hrs time.. i took the whole day to do same thing yesterday.. wth.. haha.. so glad dear called.. jus wanna brighten him up.. but i hav to disappoint him.. i know its my fault.. regrettin now..

sharp pain in my tummy jus now.. den later went out for lunch loh.. felt not rite.. den went to toilet.. and holy shit.. of all times it had to be now..aunts visit wth.. joey acc mi all the way.. thanx ger.. went to the stewpit small cramped toilet.. den went to line up to get cash at the posb.. its drizzlin already.. not rainin.. den went to 7 eleven.. buy 'mian bao'.. den ger went buy food first.. so i decided to go find another toilet.. found one at the opp hawker.. this time need pay so i tot better environment maybe.. went in quite clean.. later found out all the toilet bowl choked loh!! stewpit.. only the last cubicle 'safe' to go in de.. haiz.. no appetite.. but ate finish my food anywayz.. yea.. kept lookin at my phone coz im hopin maybe to receive a msg from dear..prolly his restin or sleepin ba.. left hawker time started to rain like mad dogs again.. yea.. so took cab back to scs.. haha.. got rid of all my nine ten cent coins tt i paid in return for my toilet trip.. wth.. back in office le.. cold.. begin to realise my moods changin.. sianz.. msg al my frens to ask if anyone can help mi at 12 to 4 tml.. but no one replied.. only june.. all the way till now.. den they reply say not free.. sianz liao.. i really wanna pei dear..

his doc changed his antibiotics for him.. a stronger one.. extend his mc till sat.. my baby's really sick.. there's one thing i dread now.. him not letting mi to visit him.. baby take care.. shant disturb u le.. hope u'll leave mi a msg once in a while to tel mi u're fine okies.. take care baby.. i love u okies.. rest well..

sat.. 27/08

happie birthday to hui fen and shermaine jie..
went to work.. din get to use the phone.. left it charging at home..
went home wif june.. long time no go home wif june le.. :) anyways.. i've got to see Imanaka san againz.. :) but i can see he looks so frail and pale..he got sick.. too sick to even talk much wif mi that day.. i jus stood by in case he wans to order more.. he still goes for his lessons though he's sick.. wat a nice old responsible and stubborn man.. haa.. meant it as a joke.. but his sick so should rest at home rite.. hmm.. heart pain.. im using the little dolphin chain that he gave to mi as a little present for the pen i made him.. i liked it.. its on my new phone now.. always wif mi.. hee.. somehow his like a grand pa to mi..

sunday.. 28/08

worked..
baby fetched mi home:)

mondae.. 29/08

woke up early morning.. brought along my pants to alter my zip.. yea it burst on mi.. haha.. fat liaoz.. haha.. but stewpit mi forgot to bring it along wif mi after work.. left it in the office.. so went headed back to bishan.. met bro for dinner.. i had teriyaki chicken.. bro had beef noodles.. i regret my chicken.. not nice wan..

baby jus a little msg for u if u happen to see this.. next time jus wait a little while longer.. and you'll hear from mi le okies..

tuesdae.. 30/08

daddy!! i love u!! happie birthday..

my baby started to feel unwell le.. fallin sick soon.. after work i headed to city hall.. wen to look for dear.. :) planned to go alter my pants.. but decided to skip the trip to orchard so i can meet dear faster.. i jus couldnt stand to go all the way to orchard make pants.. den go back to suntec again.. so happie saw dear.. waited.. watched tom and jerry wahaha.. farni.. den i saw june!! haha.. even farni.. chatted awhile..

i shake tear.. couldnt help gettin shocked.. baby dun give mi heart attacks anymore okies.. :) glad i din spoil the night.. :) after dear fang gong dear bring mi go eat dou hua.. nice nice.. bought mi dan dan tart too.. nice nice.. can feel baby wanna no more energy le.. accompanied mi a lil while den he went home le..

wed.. 31/08

had dinner wif mum and dad and bro.. at bar and billard restaurant.. those whu went before.. should noe the ambience is kinda warm.. and nice to sit ard and talk and talk and talk.. hhaha.. played billard too.. ya but i was foolin ard.. dad opened a bottle of red wine too.. but i dunno how to enjoy.. haha.. ya..

mybaby is on the back of my head.. went home earlier den usual as his feelin unwell..

thursday.. 1/09

my baby took a day off.. got an mc.. went to his place to visit him after work.. sat bus wif joey.. enjoyed the bus ride ger.. :) accompanied baby.. watched superstar wif him.. he was rather easily agitated but i guess he din realise it.. but its okie.. it's all coz of the mood swings arising from him not feelin well.. huggies baby.. fed him.. hee.. sick still eat rice.. ya.. i so lousy.. din bring him food or sort.. guilty strikes.. lucky my baby ate his rice and had his medicine.. din hav difficulty eating his rice.. if not i sure wan cry liaoz.. my baby sent mi down.. shouldnt even let him downstairs.. but he so stubborn.. even watch also bought le.. haiz.. dunno wat to say tt stubborn pig..

yes.. i did meet up wif dear last thursday.. it was splendid.. though i was bearing the pain on my neck and back.. it was worth it..

i went home after work to wait for dear.. and mins later dear called sayin his downstairs le.. off we went to marina south for steamboat.. yea.. den i was already experiencing the numbness to my limbs le.. got a little frightened.. din wan spoil the mood.. jj was ard.. so carried on eating.. later it got better le.. after dinner we all decided to go esplanade.. halfway thru jj bike no petr. le.. so he went off first loh..

yes so its jus me and dear on our way to esplanade.. yes.. its the first time jus the two of us.. trying to gao lang man.. wahhaa... dear was laffing at us tryin to act lo man tic huuh.. wahaha.. but we sat there by the waters.. and talked.. and talked.. and talked.. it was good.. to hav talks like these.. i wan more dear.. all these while dear massaging my back.. it feels good.. really.. but its still hurting once u stop again.. :'( i appreciate it anyway baby.. lub you.. wish time would jus hold there.. but i know good things comes to an end.. whether u wan it or not.. so when dear say its time to go.. though reluctant.. i jus quickly got off the seat and we left loh.. :) its better to leave it as that.. sweet little memories.. :)

den dear sent mi home.. bring mi to bed.. and accompanied mi the whole nite.. yea.. baby stayed over.. din go work on fri.. baby acc mi to the doc's.. even took off to acc mi.. how sweet can that be.. really felt like punchin myself to see if im dreaming.. anyway felt quite guilty though.. dear was having the remorse feeling that he shouldnt do that.. on attachment anywayz... so all the more he should be responsible bout his work.. but im beginning to feel that dear's gonna fall ill.. coz the hectic timetable he hav to follow.. not being able to adjust.. and looking at the time he goes to bed at nite.. its jus getting later and later.. wat can i do... haiz..

enjoyed the time spent together though.. den acc mi buy phone.. i bought panasonic .. VS2.. nice appearance.. handy.. its a flip.. like it anywayz.. pei dear home den dear pei mi home.. wahahha..

hmm.... dotz dotz..

its the third time.. i wan to meet dear wearing this turtle neck top..
knowing i would meet him.. wore it today.. but told dear im quite tired.. no mood.. should hav shut up.. now i wun know if i still get to meet him today le..

hope to see u baby..

not good not good..

head's spinning...
my neck's stiffed..
jus find it so hard to concentrate on my work.. cant sit properly.. my lower back hurts each time i cough or i sneeze or even laff.. and even when i leave it alone..

help..

guess im jus prolly tired.. anywayz i had a dream.. which seem so so close to reality.. had a hard time tellin myself its all jus a dream.. i dreamt of the girl.. who had the privilidge of being the first to be loved so deeply.. by my baby.. i had an admiration for her.. feel.. she's brave.. to behave the way she wans.. to get all the attention she ever wanted from him.. get him to do her bidding.. definitely more secure in the matters of the heart.. but why had she to spoil a beautiful person.. and changing him for ever..maybe.. maybe everything happens for a reason.. besides i dun really know the whole story..im jus jealous at times when i compare.. coz i noe i can never never.. ever receive the same feeling how she would hav felt years back.. coz its jus deep down in mi already.. its planted and rooted in mi that i hav to jus accept things the way they are.. im different and she's different.. no comparison.. bad for health.. haiz.. aniwayz.. its okie if no one understands wat im sayin here.. its hard to explain though..

anywayz.. i dreamt she looked mi up.. and we had the longest day together.. we went shoppin ard.. but end up bought nothing.. we went ard talkin bout the secondary sch days.. we went singing..den we went to the beach and watch the sunrise.. stayed on to watch the stars.. den she started to open up on the motive of wanting to meet mi.. she said she needed baby back.. pleaded with mi to give up baby.. and let her hav her precious one back.. she said after so long she cant .. jus cant let go totally.. and would wish for a second chance.. blah blah.. and i did the silliest thing ever.. i said okie.. i did not hold on to wats mine for now.. wat a let down!! bleah.. i said fine~ if thats wat she wans.. and i tried to hole back my tears.. and we were there hugging each other as though we are very close good frens.. i did not cry.. den i said i hav a condition.. only after my baby's birthday will i return her baby.. she agreed.. told her..that he is a totaly different guy from wat u used to know bout him previously.. he's more a patient man.. no more a boy.. but he's like a baby at times.. so dun ever try to test his patience or he might return to his old self.. he would like to watch tv late into the nite before he slowly drift to sleep.. he vroom vroom ard.. and gets very stubborn when i ask him to put on his raincoat if its raining.. he would pick u up and give u surprises.. and i tell her things like dun say things which he dun like.. keep telling him to sleep early and not watch too much tv.. he will listen to u de.. (i'll keep trying..) remind him to smoke lesser.. sleep early wake up early.. and trust him most importantly.. dun let him feel u dun trust him or he might think the vice versa way about u.. keep telling him his lookin fine wif his new haircut.. not tt he dun but its the truth.. keep bringing him surprises.. he likes it.. whu doesnt.. blah blah.. it goes on and on..

yes and while im tellin her all these.. im takin a puff.. along the sands of the beach.. yes im smokin.. in my dreams..

nuff bout my dreams.. took train to work as usual.. at the third station, a couple came in.. cant help but keep staring.. that item.. they both look so perfect together.. guess the girl was still tired.. as the train was packed, she leaned on him.. his shoulders.. and he.. embraced her in his arms.. strokin her on the back.. guess the reason why i stared so long is prolly coz i admire their compatibility ba.. their height.. or rather her height.. haiz.. y am i so not tall.. dun ever use the word short on mi.. im not.. jus not tall.. haha.. watever ..

k lah.. got new assignment to rush le.. hope i can do a good one and hand it in by today.. miss ya baby.. huggies..

im becoming wat i dun like bout myself..

help..

ever wondered??

caught this from another site.. rather intriguing..

ever wondered??

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why are there 5 sylables in the word "monosylabic"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?

happie sha lala..

hmm.. i've been starin into thin air.. jus got a mental block for ahwile.. couldnt recall..

fridae..5/8

went to catch a midnight movie wif dear after sushi tei closed..went suntec look for dear.. it was a last min decision at bish.. saw a fren.. which seem to remind us both of another fren.. his good fren.. hmm.. dunno y but suddenly felt gloomy le.. decided to shake off tt feelin.. after which.. dear ask if hungry.. wan bring mi go eat nasi goreng.. i wan.. but stomach abit unwell.. we went there still.. later after reachin i ask dear if will he get mad if i say i dun feel like eatin already.. dear flashed a smile at mi den drove off le.. dear so patient wif mi rite.. haiz.. went home to bath den sleep le.. hee..

sat..6/8

woke up at 315pm.. hee.. msg dear and he was at work le.. brought kino down for a walk den bathed him.. hee.. do my stuff.. a lil tv and den soon it was dark already.. msg dear.. den bath.. den packed my clothes.. lazy to start packing my table and books le.. another day ba.. haiz.. been procrastinatin for so long le.. at nite.. packin my cupboard halfway dear called.. ask mi go slp early.. coz the next day bringing mi go zoo. hee.. ZOO!!! hee.. so happie loh.. hav been waiting.. haha..
but later din know i would even meet up wif dear lei.. hee.. chatted on the phone wif yiling ger.. miss her.. hope she's fine le.. ger gotta recover soon okies.. if not how to take tp... hor~ anyway glad to hear how hav u been recently.. will meet up one day ba..
after chattin liaoz den i changed den went down le.. hee.. dear bring mi go eat nasi goreng.. yeayea.. hee.. got home bout 2am ba.. hee..

sun..7/8

woke up surprisingly at 815am.. hee.. msg dear.. dear cal wif a sleepy voice.. wahhaha.. together wif danny kor and jj.. they picked mi up.. den later we share a bowl of yong tao fu.. nice nice.. hee.. and we were ready to go to the ZOO liaoz.. hee..

way there.. hugged dear.. way back also hug dear..
hee..

anywayz... shall patiently wait for my dear to upload the pics den i can hav my share le.. yea.. hee.. we saw penguins, polar bears.. sun bear.. giraffe.. white tigers, lions, leopards, cheetah, orang utans.. baboons.. hee.. saw them mating too..wahhaha.. hee.. many many more.. but din get to take a pic wif the snakes nor the orang utans.. haha..

though tired le..we still decide to head for escape theme park.. hee.. yea.. we are crazy.. hee..
played whole day le.. tired le.. baby ride us home.. den he came up too.. pei mi awhile.. help mi rub my back.. coz i hit myself while on panasonic.. it was super fast when we ride it yesterday.. dunno why.. even dear felt scared the very first time.. geez..

still i enjoyed yesterday very much.. thanx dear.. :) i love u.. mus be resting now.. take care.. goodnight..

sup jus came over.. got work to do le..

heart breaks..

thursdae.. 4/8

yesterday met my baby.. din go out in the end.. coz celine on mc.. so maybe postpone le..
my sweetie came to fetch mi from work.. den we went to our same old place for movie.. collect tickets.. went to orchard walk walk.. couldnt decide on wat to eat again.. haha.. settled on burger king.. hee.. we both felt like it there finally in the end..

had a talk during our burgerdinner.. yea but i only managed to express myself jus halfway through.. there are so many things which i cant really put it down to words.. i need a break.. am feelin rather lost.. and aimless in direction.. where am i heading.. why am i doin certain things not for myself.. why this why that.. suddenly so many flashbacks.. memories.. yea.. den i begin to compare myself wif many of the luckier ones deep inside.. den i felt its so unfair in life at times.. so much going through at once i felt i need a grip..

tot we din get each other's message across in the first place.. but i was so delighted contented satisfied when we've both realise we reach the opposite's understanding.. tat feelin is maybe wat i call bondin between one another..

so much for a talk wif my dearest..

my baby is havin a paper to sit for this friday.. which is tml.. Human Resource Management i think tts wat it is.. and dear chose to meet mi instead of stayin home ['to hav the pursuit of knowledge as by reading observing or doin a research on a particular module'..] to study.. haha..

yes i know im so very lucky.. dear could've prolly stayed home to relly start study.. but it actually occured to him tt when his attachment starts, he would hav lesser time for mi le.. so tt explains him wantin to pei mi more.. so sweet rite.. aww... wahahahah... relly in paradise..

i know i've hurt him the day before.. i know i owe him an apology.. for all the sacarsm mum did.. she behaved so immature and hypocratic.. and i hated tt!!! shall not disclose coz its nothin nice either..

heart breaks.. how do i show mum the soft sweet and caring side of dear.. tt he can be so understanding to even tell mi to accept mum the way she is.. diff ppl diff personality.. and tell mi not to worry tt it din even bother him so why should i be so bothered bout mum.. how do i know wat to say next at all?!! jus cant accept the true cruel fact tt mum is mum.. why... haiz.. im so very embarassed and sorry bout the whole thing.. i felt the uneasiness in dear.. if not for mi.. he wun be there at all.. the feelin i hav for dear is ful of gratitude appreciation and thankfullness and apologies and debtful.. i dunno how to explain.. i hate mum.. im sorry to all whu holds mum dearest to their hearts.. im sorry but i hate mum.. relly feel disgusted.. at the .. oh forget it.. dun let mi start or all the shit will come out..

gonna work after work today.. at sushi tei.. they so good to let mi hav a timing at 7pm to closing.. no one works tt hours.. haha.. only mi!! haha.. the only thing i worry is timing.. can i rush over intime.. we shall see..

need to catch a breath outside.. its too cold in here le..

miss you baby.. study hard okies..

am so looking forward to sunday.. hee.. am thinkin bout it the whole week le.. since last week when u told mi we were going to zoo.. hee..
be good study hard okies.. mi will buy u a present de..
:)
love u always..

jus back from lunch..

recalling back yesterday.. dear brought mi out to play.. fly kite!! though there wasnt enough wind.. but dear manage to fly it quite high for awhile.. :) dear din wanna give up even though danny was like begging to go.. wahahha.. dear wasnt satisfied or happie bout coming out to fly kite and this was wat we got.. jus wanna keep flyin..but i feel is coz of mi.. coz i wan fly it high.. later dear even say sorry coz we din get to fly much.. i felt so bad its coz of mi.. dear sweat so much.. in the sun..

baby its not ur fault.. silly boi.. later we walked under shelters and along the highway to suntec.. hee.. hot sun.. we all feel baked.. hee.. later went to kbox.. for a short one and half hr.. den back to bish.. took bus.. yea!! bus.. its been a long long time.. hee.. had our dinner den went back home.. dearhughug.. den left le.. wan mi go bath straight away.. so i listened.. went to bath le..

was thinkin back i had a long tiring day but it was fun jus when wif dear.. jus thinkin how nice if dear was still around.. bath hao le came out.. den i saw deardear loh!! sitting on the sofa.. hee.. dear came back.. den decided to stay over.. :) yea.. had our little supper while watchin tv.. till 1plus den go sleep le..

dear hugged mi to sleep.. oh gawd..

slept well..

this morning dear sent mi to work.. and we were early!! even had breakfast.. suddenly i feel we've reached another level closer.. i dunno if its mutual feelings.. but i hope dear feel the same way too..

suddenly it suddenly occured to me that dear's gonna be serving our nation soon ..
real soon .. haiz..

hav completed the assignment from my sup.. this morning before lunch.. till now im a lil free.. but worried too.. coz like got nothing to do.. scared later not graded well enuff.. hmm.. wann go look at movie previews le.. dear was thinking of a movie.. hee!!

tataz..

at work..

..

i hav so much to share .. wasnt in the best of health recently..in the past two days tt i was sick.. dear kept mi company.. bought mi food and make sure i was well fed and medicated.. very nice warm feelin i get.. but i know dear doesnt like comin over.. i appreciate it all deardear.. lublub u..

am in my office.. at my desk rite now.. jus came back from a coffee break wif celine joey and gang.. not feelin too good in my stomach.. dun wanna think about it..
this is going to ba a routine for mi in the next eleven weeks.. (10 weeks remaining).. hope i'll tide over this antartica period and produce good work for my supervisors and bring home an A.. hee...

missin aini and jw.. and wonderin if they'd be fine in their own company.. will keep all in prayers.. to be fine and in best of healths coz it seems like everyone is falling sick one by one..jw.. celine.. all in sch.. whether havin lessons or tep.. sis too.. missed her..and most importantly baby musnt fall sick.. exams comin soon.. soon two weeks will be over.. and i should be having much more work to do le.. hope i can still cope wif it as it comes..

[[as time pass.. i am really wishin more and more for a room of my own.. realised i really need my own space.. but how do i do?? where do i start?? i dunno.. never liked going home.. really missed times when da was still ard.. ]]

[[wish jw and david will come together once again.. relly hate to see them in this state.. especially now tt jw's sick.. all the more she needs her baby to be ard.. i relly wish i could do something to help.. but its best to leave it to the both themselves.. take care ger..]]

[[even without meeting as often le.. she's always remembered.. sis.. hope u are doin fine on ur own and as a couple.. still managing well u two love birds ma?? stay cheerful and healthy okies..miss ya much much.. take care of ur self.. told mi to update.. so here it is.. hee.. huggies..]]

[[aini ger.. haven heard from u so so long le.. take care..huggies.. free meet up for dinner or sort ya?? do miss u too u noe??!]]

[[fana ger.. say hi to yasser for mi eh.. haha.. enjoyin back in sch??take care okies.. chat again.. do take care of urself.. u helped mi a great deal in settling down in scs..]]

baby.. my prince.. hee.. lemme guess wat u're doin.. watchin tv at home or slpin ma?? hmm.. outside wif jj or jimmy?? or roamin the streets tryin to impress little girls wif ur little magics.. hee.. watever it is wherever u are.. i wan u take care ah.. i've been tellin u le.. countless nights.. but it seems u really need some spankin before u can listen up.. to go to bed earlier.. i noe u may need some time off.. all to urself.. everyone needs tat.. and the only time u can find to relax is when u feel the whole world is asleep and u jus wan to relax and lie on ur bed under ur covers and in front of ur tv.. and slowly go to slp.. but baby all i ask is for u to rest earlier.. i did rest earlier le.. and u said u would follow suit.. baby prove it okies.. i'm still waiting.. for ur goodnight msg before i hit dreamland.. i only wan plentiful rest for u.. luv u baby..

jus for laffs...

Just for laffs..

Why Singlish is better ..Use Singlish.
It's so much cheaper, shorter, faster.
Why do we insist on using the Queen's English, when Singlish is so much more economical and effective? Compare and see!

When going shopping...
Britons : I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment,I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans: No Stock!

When returning a call...
Britons : Hello, this is Mr Bean. Did anyone page for me a few momentsago?
S'poreans: Hello, who page?

When someone is in the way...
Britons : Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way? S'poreans: Siam lai! or Siam, hor! or Skius!

When someone offers to pay...
Britons : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
S'poreans: no need lah

When asking for permission...
Britons : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me toenter through this door?
S'poreans: (while pointing at door) Can pass or Not?

When asking to be excused...
Britons : If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment. S'poreans: Go toilet. Buay tahan ahh.....

When entertaining...
Britons : Please make yourself right at home.
S'poreans: Don't shy shy lah..

When doubting someone...
Britons : I don't recall you giving me the money.
S'poreans: Got meh?

When deciding on a plan of action...
Britons : What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out & all the restaurants are closed?
S'poreans: So how?

When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...
Britons : Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the policy.
S'poreans: Talk cock lah you!

When asking someone to lower their voice...
Britons : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
S'poreans: Eh, Tiam leh!

When asking someone if he/she knows you...
Britons : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
S'poreans: See what see?!

wednesdae..29/06
my baby came over my place after his lessons on wednesday.. den we booked tickets for the show war of the world.. nice show.. not really realistic.. but tts the way its suppose to be ba i guess.. all movies..

we dropped by the bank.. and asked bout openin a savings account.. a savings account!! i was the one who initiated a joint account.. but the whole idea seem to be forgotten le.. for quite some time le.. den suddenly dear seem so enthu bout it.. dear became so interested.. im so surprised.. but happy deep down... we took a queue number.. and waited.. and waited.. but time was running.. den we tot we might be late if we still dun go.. so decided to come back again some other time.. den i remember dear the customer service officer.. how long will the procedure take?? and is it okie if i come back again.. but without her.. (as in without mi.. ) cso said i hav to be there coz its a joint account.. i was thinkin .. maybe dear din wan a joint account.. den again i remembered dear say somethin else... quite sad.. coz dear sound as though he's the one getting a new account instead of US.. anywayz.. din think much bout it la..

with dear's estimation, we left bank and arrive ps at the right timing.. hee.. bought cheesey hotdog.. and minute maid's lemonade.. NICE!! muz drink.. hee.. our new favourite.. bit hungry after show.. so i suggested noodle omelette..dear seem reluctant.. but we went there anywayz.. together wif zh.. but ltr we had a misunderstandin.. tt left mi and him standin there rite in the middle of nowhere.. squabbling away.. had a bit of argument.. but there wasnt any violence not to worry.. hee..jus suddenly realise dear is still as temperamental as ever.. within a sec he can spark up a fire.. i dunno.. but im all to blame.. pure stupidity.. but this time i admit i was darin to say a few words.. to talk when i feel the need to.. not jus stand there all the way and let him talk to a block of wood.. but dear misunderstand tt i was answerin back or wat.. anywayz.. its over.. we kissed and made up.. but i got no hug coz.. of my stupidity again..

glad tt whole thing was over soon.. and we were fine afterwards.. hope dear's really fine inside.. coz i dun really know wat he was thinkin when he went off like tt while i was talkin to him.. din like it though.. spoiler..
anywayz.. we had our dinner wif jj and zh.. at the place where it costs 70++ bucks for a plate of wanton noodles.. hee..

im sorry dear..

thursdae..30/6
returned to sch.. was feelin even more tired these days even wif the absence from sch.. dunno why.. was lookin forward to hit the bed once home.. but met up wif esther.. coz i felt she needed to talk.. empathise wif her la.. hope she'll be fine.. was thinkin its gonna take awhile.. but i return home wif dear.. to pack up my stuff and go dear place.. and had to slam the door shut wif my bro shoutin at mi as i leave.. hurt man..

why cant he jus understand its mi the one whu's takin in all the rumblings and naggings from ah po.. i noe his jus tryin to help make mi feel better.. but i cant jus ignore coz i do really wan to help u to go to bed earlier so u can get up early the next day.. i called u not once or twice.. i called u a zillion times even bfore i go out to meet esther... and when im back!?!? i see u on the com playin games!!! if its forum or mail at least better.. but games?? over games u shout at mi?? u are really one tamade big fat bad egg man..

Dun Do Tat Again!!

went over dear place.. watched tv.. dear went bath.. such a good boy.. hee.. but i pissed dear off at my carpark.. so sad.. coz i noe dear tryin to talk to mi.. help mi feel better.. but the way i answered him kinda pissed him off ba.. den he went fast on the road loh.. all the way.. was so scared i might fly off his bike man.. but im sorry dear.. im really tired.. din even hav the mood to move le.. nt even ur house.. really tired.. but i feel bad turnin u down.. and u said ur ma cooked.. so ya..

anyway i feel very nice and homely to be able to eat at ur place.. though not like alot ppl eat together or wat.. but i love ur ma's dishes.. even though simple ones can be so delicious.. den i drank the soup.. den only i suddenly tot of da..
really miss da so so much.. i teared for some time while eating... sorry if i spoil ur mood.. but i really couldnt control.. summore bro shouted at mi.. den i thinkin if da still ard den maybe things would be different le.. summore im dead beat.. really tired out.. sorry okies dear.. i know u understand mi de.. but im sorry ya??

shall carry on tml.. i wanna get some slp.. tml workin at twleve.. btw i chated wif monica jie jus now.. glad to be able to lend a listening ear to her.. missed her too.. chatted so so long loh. haha.. din even realised it.. from 1030 till bout 1am.. haha.. miss her..

missing my dear even more.. nite baby..

A Very Touching Love Story

It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm.

It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the people moving like little dots. Standing in a heated room, I'm beginning to pity those people. Why don't they go home? Do they plan on wandering until morning?

"Almost time to go home! My boyfriend must be going crazy." One of the nurses breathe a sign of relief. "Still needs to work overtime on Valentine's Day. It's so unfair!"

"You are fortunate." Another nurse says. "Some people don't have anyone waiting for them."

"You mean Dr. Shu?"

Like Sherlock Holmes, my ears perk up when I hear my name.

"Do you remember how she lost control on this day last year?"

"Of course I do." A nurse shudders. "I've never seen Dr. Shu like that. Crying and yelling, like she was crazy."

They are talking about how I was last year. They are correct. I was out of control, like they said.

"You can't blame Dr. Shu. If my boyfriend died in front of my eyes, I would probably go crazy as well."

"Keep it down. She hasn't left work yet. She might hear you."

The two nurses are too late. I heard the entire conversation through the canvas wall.

"Dr. Shu, what are you doing standing here?"

Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself, another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine's Day chocolates.

"I'm waiting to go home." I pretend that I didn't hear anything.

"Dr. Shu, you must have gotten too involved in your work. It's already past time to go home. See you tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day!" She waves goodbye.

"Happy Valentine's Day." I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away.

That's fine. I was ready to go home anyway. Even though no lover is waiting for me, at least there's a lazy cat waiting for me to feed.

After I come home, the first thing I do is feed the cat. I forgot when I first had the cat. Probably since last year's Valentine's Day. At that time, I was like an abandoned cat, with eyes filled with despair. Cats don't cry, I do. That's the only difference.

"Better drink all the milk or I'll skin you." I threatened the cat. Her name is Christine, my least favorite English name. I don't know why I named the cat Christine. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me, but her eyes are complaining about my severity. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know, standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions.

A year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.
"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?"

He raised his eyebrow. "Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."

"Then... you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.

"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."

E-card. That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is.

"You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting." I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.

"I can't stand you women. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine's Day??" He grumbled while eating his food. His comment induced me to fight with him again.

"You are not romantic at all!! Don't you watch any Japanese drama?"

"Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel."

"Your life is so boring." I made a face at him. "One recent drama was really good. You should have watched it."

"What's that drama called?" He didn't believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies. He always thought they were lies.

"It's called 'Story of A Century'." I gladly answered.

"What kind of trashy plot did it have?"

"What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!" I was so angry. "That drama was very touching, and the theme song was beautiful as well. It's called 'Only Love', performed by Nana Mouskouri." I wonder if he knew who Nana was.

"Nana, I know her. A Greek singer with really expensive albums."

"Her voice is worth it." Even though I secretly agreed with him, I couldn't bring myself to admit it.

"Whatever." He glanced at his watch. "I'll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot. After that, I'm leaving."

I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years, from 1901 to 2000. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. The story was tear-jerking.

"What's so touching about it?" He asked, after listening to the story.

"Don't you think each generation's story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability, I wouldn't be a doctor anymore. I would become a screenwriter."

"If you become a screenwriter, I bet no one would watch the show. The TV station can go out of business." He quickly interjected.

"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!" I was so mad that I went home immediately, not even finishing my coffee.

As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and go online.

Staring at the empty in-box, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. Used to the city life, I couldn't get used to the simple life in the country. After school, I would just go home and do nothing. Whenever that happened, he would always come over to tease me.

"Why are you staring off into space??" He loved to pull on my hair. "You're so ugly when you're doing nothing. But you're also not pretty when you smile." In other words, I'm really ugly.

"You're the one who's ugly!" I pull back my hair. "If you think I'm so ugly, why do you visit me??"

"Can't help it. My home is right next to your home." He argued.

"Then I'll move!" The next day, I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk. A line that I forbid him to cross.

That year, we were both in the 5th grade. We couldn't stand each other and hoped the other would move away. But 5 years passed, and neither of us moved. Not only that, we got into the same high school and into the same class.

"You're that infamous couple." All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us.

"We're not!" I always tried to explain. "We're only neighbors." At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him.

"My standard is not that low." He would say. "Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It's not like I don't have eyes."

"Yes, I know your eyes are on top of your head." I really disliked him.

"Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you." He implied that I couldn't judge guys. At that time, I had a crush on a senior.

I didn't think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.

"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me. I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.

Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love.

Time flew by quickly, and it was time to face separation. I chose to study medicine, and he chose physics. Yet we still couldn't separate from each other. Our parents worried that we didn't know anyone in Taipei, so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. Once again, we became neighbors. We still fought, but sometimes we fought into the bedroom.

Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together.

After graduation, we became an item. He started a small computer company with some friends and became a programmer. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. Three years later, I became a doctor, and his business began to boom. We separately moved to bigger apartments and stopped being neighbors. On the surface, we left each other.
In reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.

Facing the empty in-box, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.

"Hello." He picked up the phone.

"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my displeasure.

"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy. "But I sent it."

He was really busy but I didn't care. "I didn't receive it. Send it again."

"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?

"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight.

I'll eat dinner by myself."

"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."

"I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.

Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation? We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??

I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations. After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work.

Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.

"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient."

As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.

"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.

"Car accident." The medic replied. "Very serious. He may die."

I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped

"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't lose our calm.

But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend!

"No..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.

I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love.I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die!

I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.

Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.

"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.

"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.

"Dr. Shu, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."

Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card.

"I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.

"Take her away!" That day, I lost my control and my professionalism.

And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.

Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.

They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.

When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish.

Like an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore. After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore.

Now, I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.

Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. She finished her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen.

I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail?

I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today.

We apologize for the delay." The sender was my ISP.

I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these?

With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play.... "Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a fantasy.
Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem.

"Hwei."

That's my name.

"Knowing you so many years, I've never sent you any flowers. Today I send you a rose."

I received it and it's so beautiful.

"You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel."

Yes, but it's all your fault for being so distant.

"I know I always make you mad by the things I say."

Good that you're admitting it.

"But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry, and I love you."

I waited so many years for those words.

"And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough money."

You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?

"So Hwei, let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you, because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait anymore."

Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours.

"Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei? Will you?"

That's the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading his words and talking to him. It's like I can hear his voice and see him again.

As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.

The song played over and over. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking voice.

Only love can make a memory.
Only love can make a moment last.
You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung.
and I remember you then when love was all,
all you were living for,
and how you gave that love to me...."

The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away.

"Will you marry me?"

When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard.

Will I? If he's in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have waited until today.

So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box, and typed the response that I've already prepared for so many years - "I will."

I will - be by his side for the rest of my life. I will - fight with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response I got was the repeating song "Only Love."

Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled rose, and typed the same response: "I will."

I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times. In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected.

I answered you. What about you?

end of story..
... a story adopted from a good fren who introduced it to mi.. thanx celine..