plain madness

baby javier hit one month old yesterday,
and so there was a mini celebration held at dear's place..

surprisingly, my sweet and thoughtful dear came over
to see mi at close to midnight..
brought over my cam to show mi pics and vids taken of javier too..
how sweet can anyone else get,
knowing that there's still work following day...

and so i brought it over to my mom to share the pics..
and den it all started..
i know since all along mom have been unhappie
bout mi being kept away frm baby this long..
i guess no one was happie bout it too.
but its a painful choice i have to make.
since i came down wif chicken pox..

mom have been waiting...
for an opportunity to chance upon, all along.
i know.
by passing sarcastic remarks obviously directing them to jiawei..
she is jus pushing her limits, testing our patience
and challenging us in a way..
and after all that she's done, she allowed herself to get away but denying it all.
hows that for someone u would cal ur mother.
she jus leaves mi feeling disgusted. ashamed.

and jus as i've predicted, she jumped on her feet
and happily shouted at the top of her lungs
when jiawei only tried to approach her why the sarcasm.
why the need for a sarcasm..

nv in my life have i tot that a day like this will happen.
im sorry to u bro.. for making u part of the quarrel.
im sorry to daddy for making u break that chair in a fit of anger,
for puttin u in a difficult spot trying to come in between
and stop everything..
im sorry for the cause of u being cornered like a small kid
and get scolded for not being a man and doing the rite thing
and being looked down upon.. im sorry..

im sorry baby.. for having such a mother..
such a mother whu have never cared for mi..
never spared a thought for my feelings..
never once taught mi right from wrong..
never was there when i needed someone A mother..
never once brought mi to school..
nor fetch mi back..
never once saw any of my sch teachers
during any meet-the-parents..
never once encouraged mi for my results academically or
career wise..
never once approved of my wants.. and think badly of mi..
the list goes on..

im utterly disappointed in u.. the one i cal mommy..
wat the hell in the world are u thinking when u did those acts yesterday.
she mus have been deaf not hearing ur pleas dear God..
im sorry.. that was not wat u hav planned God i know..
she must have fallen into some dark hole filled with
thoughts only for herself.
everything and anything about jus herself.
but please do not help to lift her out of that dark hole dear God,
let her self-filled thoughts be turn into misery and anger and
regretfulness and loneliness for all of her selfish and disgusting acts.
she deserved it all..
she really deserved it all..

**im sorry gers.. jaas and yiling darlin.. that i have to turn u both down after planning and promising and yet not keeping up to it..

darlin.. please dun stay too muddleheaded for long.. u know u can get very soft hearted if it goes in the long run.. u hav to know wat u really wan.. but watever decision u make.. u have my support okies.. whether to wait for him.. or to really face up to the fact that it will all be over once his gone.. u've been there for mi since long too.. there's no need to thank mi darlin.. im glad u cried ur heart out tt nite.. its good to really let it out.. :) but dun make it a habit okies.. if not u will carry the name ku bao.. hor..

tk cr all my frens.. out there i may not know how u peeps prioritise family frens and love but to mi.. all seem equally important now.. please learn to treasure everything and everyone u have now.. before changes intervene ur life and forever distort or transform ur lives..

my baby javier..
little javier is 4days old at the time of this pic..
sleeps jus like his daddy.. wif both hands up above his head.. haa..





lastly, a vid..

busiest week of my life ever.

now tat we are adults.
we should think twice about wat we do and the consequences that follows..
we have to answer for our doings and be responsible.
it is very childish and selfish if we act on impulse just to satisfy our mere wants.
and in turn bring worries to ppl around us, especially close ones..

tt was frm my dearie this mornin..
tt woke mi up from my childish tots..
tt woke mi up from my dreams and brought mi back to reality..

jus barely a week after giving birth to little Javier..
& im seperated from my hubby and baby..
and tts bcoz i came down wif chicken pox.. how lucky i can get..

little Javier was born on 24sep at 1719pm, 2.975kg..
very thankful for little javier.. nv tot i did it finally..
bringing my precious little one to life.. it feels miraculously wonderful.
with little javier. life will be different onwards.
seriously dunno wat lies ahead of mi now..
sometimes questioning myself for the things i do.
is it for the sake of baby. is it for the sake of my hubby..
or is it for the sake of myself.

but think on the brighter side adeline!
things will definitely be different..
but life's gonna be more fun..
more promisingly fun and upside down..

thank you to all my frens
who came to visit mi thru this trying period..
all of u.. u know whu u all are..
i thank god for all u wonderful ppl..

thank you to all my jiaren..
whu came and left mi wif great advices sticking wif mi supporting mi throughout..

thank you to my family and his..
for taking care of mi and baby all these while..
i cant thank you all enuff for all the help given..

and lastly thank you my dearest..
for being there wif mi since the very start..
though its been a very emotional roller coaster ride for both of us..
though life has been draining us dry of energy and fun..
though we may not be together physically now..
but we both know its gonna be for temporarily only..
rite dear..
i am so looking forward to having our lives back to normal.. wif little javier..
to have more wonderful memories together..
and i believe u do too..
i love you baby..
my one and only..
now and forever..

new chapter...

procrastinated long enuff.. before i decided to write a little..

many things had happened and there's so much to write about.. rite now as im typing.. many things going thru my mind.. my past.. and wats to happen in jus a short six to seven months down the road.. nobody knows yea??

got sick recently.. thats when i got so emotionally unstable without realising it.. tot of da.. my old motherly da.. missed her cooking, company and her face.. time seem to fly when one's busy.. but to me its still as though da jus left yesterday.. tt din stop me from keepin in contact wif her.. i still did msg her and tried to meet up and stuff.. but i only have myself to blame for being too preoccupied wif my things that ended us not being able to meet..

i miss going to her for advices.. walking the dog wif her and doing our weekly shopping.. i can only wish for the better for her health and all..

life can be really unpredictable at times.. and it can just catch u off guard when u least expect it.. i hope to share wif all my frens.. to enjoy living life as it is.. den regret in the future.. and not take advantage of chances in life..

got a 5 days mc from the hosp.. to rest well at home.. and probably think things through abit thoroughly.. now that things hav not yet come to a confirmation, i can only say im sorry to those who loved and cared for mi.. but i hav dear to stay wif me through it all.. and that's wat keeps mi going for now i guess.. thank you baby dear.. for enlightening mi and making me see things at a different point of view.. though all may be very supportive of us but i cant forgive myself.. doing this at ur expense of freedom.. i hope u understand.. but also it gives mi new hope as i can finally experience the way u've nv treated me before.. thank you baby..

thank you for spending time and money at the expense of bringing me fun.. thank you for being my best fren, trying to always make my day when im at my worst.. my everything else basically.. i love you baby..