its early tuesday morning 1.54am..

apparently.. decided to come over to keep dear company if it means to help him better focus on his studies.. and not otherwise.. its gettin hard for mi to make dear do things for the sake of his own good.. in simple terms, to listen to mi.. haa.. i think i should rephrase this sentence coz it seems tt i am on the unreasonable side..

however.. am sitting at dear's computer table reminising on the beautiful past.. had realise a long time ago.. that baby would be serving the nation soon.. but din expect that it could be as early as he finishes his exams in march.. and tts really soon to come.. however hard i try not to remember the fact.. it jus keeps reminding mi even in my dreams.. how nice.

but on a nicer tone, it may be a good thing afterall.. as in to say to get it over and done with.. instead of anticipating for its arrival.. brace yourself up adeline!! time is up.. soon..

reminising on the times when we were both still seemingly innocent and young..(yea rite..) haa.. still in the same room.. we were both doing our work diligently.. hoping to finish his D&T project fast.. to the times when we lunch or dine inside the room.. to quarreling.. haa..

den one by one.. as if its playing a video in my head.. was reminded of my old frens.. monica jie.. yiling ger.. jessica.. and sis.. hav seemed to go so so far away le.. im coming to an end of my tertiary education already.. getting quite uneasy bout the thoughts of working life and politics and all.. gonna miss all my education life and the togetherness wif them.. times in poly were definitely fun.. but i cant deny that there were difficult times as well.. those great times were memories to keep.. one very unforgetable period was when im attached to SCS for my attachment.. the new frens that i've made in jus a three short months.. or even less than that.. all of you.. makes an impact in my life.. but its sad.. its a pity i dun see the reason why hav things turn out to be cold and unapproachable.. someone pls tell mi why.. its really sad.. there seem to be something going on which i do not know of or maybe.. jus dunno.. someone pls..

*** my dear jus came back from the past.. **** wahahha..

hmm.. humans.. all of us.. came into this world.. alone.. even twins are borne into this world of different timing.. but in the journy called life.. there are jus the special frens to keep u company and walk wif u throughout different stages of ur life.. sad thing is.. most people are seasonal.. they change frens jus as the seasons change.. there are few which remains long.. its a pity..

best of friends are the siblings that God had forgotten to give us..

to al frens out there..do keep in contact okies.. take care and God bless..

*** jus had a bread competition wif dear.. haa.. he lost.. dun care.. hahha.. ***

nite all..

jus came back from a movie wif dear..went for the fog.. was however the first movie i watched wif dear and he was rather excited.. yada yada.. and there he goes.. rambling bout mi not caring for him and he being disappointed in mi.. haa..

silly boy.. im still the same okies.. jus wanna play wif u only.. haa.. aniwae.. shall spent the nite here wif him hopin to talk things out if theres any.. or jus to spend quality time wif him ba..

finally completed the proj yesterday nite after integrating every one's part together left sch at 930pm.. had the system running smoothly.. really glad.. and dear helped mi to feel even better.. by leaving mi a msg saying his on his way to pick mi up.. nice huh??

den i met dear.. got on the bike.. and went crazy.. though my part isnt the main or very impressive part.. i was jus glad wif the help of jon and gerald and jesslin.. i got my stuff done.. really.. so hapie.. den i got dear to share the joy wif mi.. couldnt help being noisy all the way home.. and we ended up making rounds and rounds in bishan jus cause i din wan to go home as yet.. but rite at the back of my head i realise dear's different since he picked mi up from sch..

it was a last min decision tt dear stayed over.. we slept late.. and dear din really slp well.. woked up several times.. and end up watching tv early in the morning at 6 plus.. how i wish i could get dear to slp back wif mi.. but i din wan to force him.. since he cant get to slp although i believe his very tired.. wat to do.. im without the warrant card..

*** on call ***

now i see wats all the prob.. i was the prob.. it was all because of mi.. really.. not that i wan sympathy or empathy.. but i was the arise the cause the come about of the whole thing.. because of mi, he wans to stay and give company.. because of mi he wan to wait at the library and bring mi out happy.. because of mi he lied saying he wasnt angry..

because of mi.. can any one help mi? wat to do wat to say..he all doesnt know anymore.. he asks mi.. but wat can i say when its all because of mi??

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jus yesterday.. i felt i was very lucky to hav u..as my gers arent working things quite well wif their dearies.. coz baby u are very understanding.. and stood by mi and helped mi out mentally.. though u cant give much help technically.. told my gers tt this is jus one small test between a couple and if even a small test like this also cannot withstand.. den it jus shows how strong the both of u are..

yet instead.. its all the cause of mi now that things happen this way.. and i feel like ive been taking and not giving.. how ironically..

i jus feel so helpless and useless and unwanted.. really.. i jus hate myself when things like these happens.. as a result im really the root cause of the whole thing..

this marks the official end to my sch's last semester.. how nice..

now wats the big problem wif u.. when u walk out the door.. hav u ever wondered how it feels like if its u being inside the room?? when i at the very least tried to explain myself.. i get smacked down.. its hard to explain feelings and write it down in words.. but haiz..

u wan to know how i feel about u?? at times when u try to sms mi only after the whole thing.. i feel u only wan to act like it wasnt ur fault and u wanted things to turn out fine and well.. but at the point of time when u are angry u are those kind.. cant be bothered much.. so u know how irritatiing it can get?? only after u not angry den msg ask wats wrong and say sorry kind.. jus like i slap u den i ask u why u cry.. it doesnt make sense u know..

all along i tot it was a mutual understanding between us.. that we do not need to explain so much shit to each other jus to get one point understood.. but i guess im wrong.. coz we dun hav the mutual understanding as yet.. its different kind of expectations u hav for frens and for family.. for normal friends..i toking bout normal frens.. u dun spend as much of ur lifetime wif them.. thus the expectation is lower.. whereas for bros and sis.. its the kind of relationship which u dun need a third party to help analyse the situation and can solve it on ur own.. tts wat the precious relationship differs.. jus like .. one look in the eye and the other can understand each other.. no need to explain and say so much.. but it seemed so difficult for us to jus hav a normal conversation without blasting into a quarrel or wat..

i dunno if its egoistic or stubborness.. but u gotta take heeds and listen to ppl and not always have an answer to talk back to others to reason things out.. sometimes jus shuttup and have a time to urself and reflect.. it might help let u understand how come things are always happening and its always seem to be the same case.. and we nv seem to get it solve.. ask urself if could the problem lie in urself.. not necessarily saying u are always at fault.. but no one is perfect..

tts all i hav to say after a long day in sch.. which also leads mi to understand another cruel point in life.. dun wanna talk much as yet..

one thing im really dissapointed im myself is getting myself into a mess wif my bro everytime he misunderstand mi.. its really getting fucking sick and tired of explaining myself already..
another things which matters close to my heart is.. my dear.. i seem to have neglect him on a day like this.. moreover i got no gifts for my dear.. as the only card i made for him is still at my place till this point of time.. which is why im so in a sad moody feeling.. why im dissapointed is coz the more he say 'its okie.. get ur things done asap first..' the more bad i feel.. but im thankful for dear being so understanding too.. at this point.. i come to realise.. lifes too short to go on reminising on sad stuff.. and get fedup wif urself for not being more zhen qi.. haiz.. cant bother if anyone understands.. but shall end here.. its gonna be another long day in sch tml again.. i hope i can get my stuff done sooon.. big thanx to jesslin gerald and jon for helping mi out when im really lost..

sadden..

by chance..

sundae 5/02

yesterday.. my baby came over my place.. by chance.. something went wrong at work and baby din feel rite continue working.. so he decided to came over acc mi repair my phone..

the lcd screen on my phone had three beautiful crack given by my dearest brother.. and it has been smerging on my phone since den.. yea.. haven got the time to go fix it.. so i got about transfering the pics and stuff over to my com.. and dear reached my place in wat seemed like two mins to mi.. haa.. so i went to bath den let it cary on dlding onto my com..

jus den there was strong breeze blowing.. so i sneakily suggested to go fly kite at the same time brong my bro down to breadth some fresh air.. he's been real sick recently.. so ya.. brought kino down too..

so its mi and dear and my bro and kino.. the four of us downstairs flying kite.. hahha.. by chance..

till i got no more kite to fly.. coz guess wat.. when it finally fly so so high up.. wind changed directions and without warning.. i got it stuck into a tree.. there goes my kite.. haiz.. btw its a S$1.50 kite.. but i jus like the small and light version.. nt like all the new ones nowadays.. so big bright and heavy.. tt is to mi.. haa..

off we went back after tugging at my stucked kite.. i only got back my string.. haiz.. haa.. too tired to go repair my phone.. so decided to postpone it to another day ba.. which day i dunno liaoz..

yea.. so we watched tv.. slacked till dear wan go home liao.. it started to rain.. real heavy.. so dear stayed over my place by chance againz.. haa.. aint i a lucky gerl?? haa.. i mean its a blessing in disguise.. coz i got the company of another love one..

but hope baby slept well everytime he stays over..

mondae 6/02

today.. i guess its the monday blues tt got everyone so fidgetty.. my dear darling fana.. got so stressed up.. when she felt the stredd piling up on her.. haiz.. wrote her a little note hopin she'll cheer up ba.. and dun over stressed okies. u're not alone.. den i stayed back after sch.. rite after tut at 2pm.. i went to book a com at the lab and started on the IM website le.. all the way till 9pm.. its no wonders i got the headache.. but glad a whole lot is finished..
and i gotta finalised my part too.. hope i can get over this period real ssoon.. else im gonna get bonkers..

haiz..

needa holiday..