jus like the way my office lift lobby is sanitised and sweetly scented daily.. or so i guess.. but its gonna be the last day im here at the office doing basically nothing..yea feel bad too.. getting paid for nothing.. im jus checking mails and answering calls.. how else relaxed can i be.. or rather.. bored..

bah.. watever..

was reading xiaxue's blog yeaterday to get over some time.. and i jus came across some farni parts tt would like dear to hav a look too.. being too muddlehead and blur.. i jus spoke and commented on the post and he started to get blur.. like wat the hell ima toking about.. but before i could explain where i was coming from i was being shut off alr.. how nice.. yea.. its my fault however for being in my own world and being jus myself.. the blur nonsensical ger..

shall be back again..
going on a missiion for my boss..

baby i miss u.. imsorry for being mi..

firstly.. jie.. wanna thank you for the msg.. and for reading my blog too.. haa.. i will take ur words in..

today is my momma's birthday.. and so.. we had made arrangements to hav dinner at my place nearby.. grandma treated.. yea she insisted.. and baby went wif us too.. too bad daddy wasnt there.. hmm.. a little bored.. but all went well..

dear sent my mom home after dinner.. can see the excited face.. got home later and den we gave her the present we bought the day before.. yea and she was glad wif the bag and wallet.. watched some tv and den we dozed off in my room. haa.. woken by bro soon though.. den soon i was sending dear off le..

baby.. i jus wanna say thank you again.. though i said many times le.. thankyou for making my popo and momma so happie.. they were so glad wif u ard more .. can u feel it? haa.. jus thank you.. and im sorry i almost coz the nite to end nastily.. but am thankful for ur assurance msg.. i jus needed that.. u know mi dear.. im sorry.. im jus to anxious to ket u know of the situation.. i dun wan any misunderstanding and spoil the nite last min.. thank you baby.. love you.. good night..

baby..

i jus had a little arguement wif bro..
..
i miss you..

its hard.. its really hard.. for mi to try get all inside and not be able to let it out.. i used to think that listening to his side will do.. so long as i understand his reasons and explanations.. there's no need for him to understand how i feel.. coz i tot that was nv important..

but it seemed harder each time..

as i got to be so cautious.. of my every little action and make sure i wasnt too crude with my words or actions to provoke him further.. can u imagine? i cant even be myself when i quarrel or hav an arguement wif him.. i got to be careful.. jus so i dun irritate him further.. will he understand that? will he understand my effort? its not easy.. really..

the reason why? tts because im too scared of him.. im too scared of getting into a quarrel wif him.. coz its always not fair.. he always ALWAYS get his side of the story explained and understood.. but i was nv heard or understood.. and i hav to chose to go quiet.. why? coz its useless trying to explain to someone when he or she is already angry or not having an open mind to listen..

once i say something thats against him.. he will straight away shoot back wif his supporting reasons.. den when will i ever get my whole side of the picture out? why is it always u get to jus be yourself and be excused but when if im the one being myself.. i would be deemed as an "ah lian"? wun he be a gangster? wun he be the one irritating brat or watever names i wanna call? why is it that once u wan to talk u can talk.. but i gotta wait till u finish your say? why do i always hav to get ur picture but u can go without bothering bout how i feel when u said u did? wat gives u the rite to say i dun understand u when i too feel u do not understand mi too?

u are jus too emotional. too soft. u said u changed.. yea u did.. quite a fair bit i would say.. but its not enuff to keep u going if u still remain this persistent and stubborn and impatient im telling u.. u hav to know one thing.. that is.. if u wan to speak, that does not mean others hav got no choice but to listen.. this is reality. and not a forum.. where u can type and say all u wan and be hear.. and at least get things out.. u gotta learn how to analyse things and start looking at yourself.. its jus silly when we hav to be so precise and exact with our words..

i know u hav good vocab but dun hav to be so formal wif mi at home.. and pls dun always say i deny.. let mi ask u.. can u take it lying down if i were to keep insisting that u were denying yourself? i bet u would go crazy.. tts another one thing u've gotta change.. i took in all the shit u said bout mi.. but i bet u cant stay quiet and let others say things bout u.. u are.. jus so... explosive.. and to think u could even be so emotional that u teared upon not being able to explain yourself jus coz u cant remember things well.. let mi say one thing more.. if u can forget i can also forget things i wanna say to explain myself alrite.. so dun be selfish.. its jus getting more and more irritating if this goes one.. there can nv be one time when i would jus be myself explaining my arguements wif u.. i will always hav to hold a nice face for u.. so that i dun provoke u.. u see.. this is how scared i am of u.. but i din like it bro.. i miss da.. sometimes i think i leave a very bad impression on u.. to think u could actually tell mi that u imagine yourself strangling mi.. why? jus coz i stop u from carry on explaining? grow up la.. u said u change.. den try to analyse the situation ard u first can?

when was it the one time u would agree to my explainations? nv! u will always hav things to say.. but do u ever said anything bout urself? this is not mi when i quarrel or hav arguement.. this is not the way to go.. coz i cant get things off my chest that way.. i would nv be satisfied wif the ending.. u will always get ur thoughts out and den i will be left alone to cry the nite away and blame myself for not speaking and explaining for myself.. but would i rather u get more pissed and provoked? i think i love u too much to see u getting hurt or in pain.. to be giving in to u..

yea i ocnsider myself giving in to you.. coz i shut up and listen.. and its LISTEN not jus hear.. its always after the arguement i will be so unsatisfied wif myself but left wif no choice but to accept things the way it is.. why i always connect things from one situation to another? coz it would jus rake up the past from memories ago.. trying to use them as examples to show u how impossible can u be.. but its jus hard.. really.. i really hate this side of u.. u disgust mi..

wat hav i said to u to make mi deserve the ahlian title and those things u said bout mi denying myself and my character..ever thought how i would feel not? u are already throwing mi a challenge by saying all those.. imgaine i say all those bout u? u wun get angry ah? on top of that i already keep quiet and ask u to stop saying and explaining coz i hav no interest for know at the moment.. den u hav to force mi to listen by giving mi that crying face and saying wat not satisfied.. den wat? i satisfied ah? aint i supposed to be the one to talk? haiz.. all for jus wanting to ask u to let the matter rest and stop argueing?? isnt it fucked up? one word. fuck.. really.. u said u wanna give up on the relationship.. again u nv thought how i would feel den jus anyhow spout nonsense? u know how much that matters to mi? how sad it is to hear this shit? it jus show u dun care anymore.. can i say u dun care anymore? u nv once apologise for ur rashness or make mi feel u care bout the both of us.. to mi u are jus concern bout saving the misunderstanding and makeing urself in the clear again.. tts it... i really loved u too much.. im really disappointed.. im sorry man.. haiz..

theres jus too much to be jus typed out.. its hard.. pls say u dun mean it when u say u wanna give up.. its tiring.. to always be the one to initiate.. its tiring to try to accomodate all ALL the time.. i had enuff.. i was jus telling monica how close we were and things we do at nite together.. how i treasure u and things.. and this is happening.. yea u're jus making mi feel lousy and bad tts all.. u know it.. thanx ah..

OFFICIAL! WORLD'S FUNNIEST JOKE

LONDON - British Association for the Advancement Of Science, in it's largest ever scientific study into humor, asked Internet users around the world to submit their favorite jokes and rate the funniness of other people's offerings.

After a year of more than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries and two critiques later, this is it:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operater: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator in a calm, soothing voices replies:
"Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"

- Reuters.

___________________________________

now i officially do not think that its the funniest joke ever.. but bah.. watever.. haa.. im jus rather bored in the office at the moment.. its ben confirmed.. i'll stop in the end of this month.. continuing to wat i wrote previously in the blog about decisions and confessions.. it turned out quite well for the conversation between mi and boss.. everything was understood well and there was agreement too.. yea but i still feel bad and rather rude.. to be behaving so undecisively.. to say come den come.. and go den go as and when i like.. i think personally that its a bad impression left.. but i cant help feeling irritated for getting paid but not doing any actual jobs at the moment.. waiting for emails only.. coz currently boss went overseas..

i miss my baby..

short story on the principals of working attitude

The Uncommon Professional
The Uncommon Professional By Kenneth L. Shipley

I went to the dark end of the inventory shelves, pressed my forehead against the wall and indulged myself in a few moments of quiet despair. Was this the way it would be for the rest of my life? Here I was, two years out of school, working at yet another mindless, low-pay, dead-end job. Up to this point, I had avoided the question by just not thinking about it, but now, for some reason, the awful possibility had come crashing down on me. The thought sucked every bit of energy from my body. I clocked out sick, went home to bed, pulled the covers over my head, and tried to forget about tomorrow and all the tomorrows that would follow.

By morning I was a little more composed, but no less depressed. Listlessly, I went back to work and resumed my hopeless drudgery.

There were several new guys on the job that morning - temporary workers even lower on the totem pole than I was. One of them caught my eye. He was older than the others, and wearing a uniform. The company didn't issue uniforms - in fact, the company did not care what you wore as long as you showed up. But this guy was decked out in smartly pressed tan trousers and work shirt, complete with his name, Jim, embroidered on the pocket. I guess he supplied himself with the uniform.

I watched him all that day and the rest of the days he worked with us. He was never late or early. He worked at a steady, unhurried pace. He was friendly to everyone he worked with, but rarely talked while he was working. He took the designated breaks at midmorning and afternoon with everyone else, but unlike many others, he never lingered past the allotted time.

At lunchtime, some of the crew brown-bagged it, although most of us got our meals and drinks from the vending machines. Jim didn't do either. He ate his lunch from an old-fashioned steel lunch box and drank his coffee from a Thermos bottle - both of them well-worn with use. Sometimes people would be a little careless about cleaning up after they ate. Jim's place at the table was spotless, and, of course, he was always back on the line exactly on time. He wasn't just odd, he was outstanding - admirable!

He was the kind of worker managers dream of. Despite that, the other workers liked him, too. He didn't try to show anybody up. He did what was asked of him, no more, no less. He didn't gossip or complain or argue. He just did the job - common labor - with more personal dignity than I had believed was possible with this kind of low-level, grunt work.

His attitude and every action proclaimed that he was a professional. Labor might be common; he wasn't.

When the temporary work was finished, Jim left for another job, but the impression he made on me didn't. Even though I had never talked to him, he turned my head completely around. I did the best I could to follow his example.

I didn't buy a lunch box or a uniform, but I did start setting my own standards. I worked like a businessman fulfilling a contract, just the way Jim had done. To my great surprise, the managers noticed my new productivity and promoted me. A few years later, I promoted myself to a better-paying job with a different company. And so it went. Eventually, many companies and many years later, I started a business of my own.

Whatever success I've had has been the result of hard work and good luck, but I think the biggest part of my luck was the lesson I learned from Jim so long ago. Respect doesn't come from the kind of work you do; it comes from the way you do the work.

some food for thoughts.. for those of my close frens whu are about to embark on new endeavours of the working life.. take care..

just when i thought that everything was finally settled, i realised there were more consequences.. i did not settled as well as expected afterall.. place and environment was still okie.. but its the atmosphere and the feeling it give mi.. the people.. it jus makes mi think how was i suppose to survive in that environment two three years down the road.. i know i cant jus make judgement being there only for the first day..

now the consideration part comes.. is it the future prospects factor or is it the environmental factor and the obstacles that i face now that matters? i do not know.. i really do not know.. if im the one advicing someone else.. i would advice on focusing on future prospects.. not on just the temporary surface..

i thank God for listening ears.. JW and monica and huifen jie.. mom dad and bro.. not forgetting my dearest.. thank you all people.. i feel i've bugged enuff people bout jobs and its really time for mi to decide for myself wat would come next.. but i jus sux at decision making.. sigh..

i jus feel i aint gonna pull through the confrontation tml.. oh gawd.. sigh... i need time..

hopefully i'd address the situation properly.. and all goes well.. baby.. i really thank God for u..

dear almighty.. i hope i would make the rite decision watever comes to mi tml..

**aini ger.. hows ya first day at work.. hope things are opposite for u and all is fine okies.. take care and miss ya...

sis i hope and earn to meet u up tml.. haiz.. baby.. i would like to hav u witness my working environment whether i stay on or not.. hee..
baby.. my only source of happiness now.. where i can fully relazx and jus be myself.. haiz..

its only less then three weeks more to go.. drats.. arghh..

confessions decisions and directions..

just when i thought that everything was finally settled, i realised there were more consequences.. i did not settled as well as expected afterall.. place and environment was still okie.. but its the atmosphere and the feeling it give mi.. the people.. it jus makes mi think how was i suppose to survive in that environment two three years down the road.. i know i cant jus make judgement being there only for the first day..

now the consideration part comes.. is it the future prospects factor or is it the environmental factor and the obstacles that i face now that matters? i do not know.. i really do not know.. if im the one advicing someone else.. i would advice on focusing on future prospects.. not on just the temporary surface..

i thank God for listening ears.. JW and monica and huifen jie.. mom dad and bro.. not forgetting my dearest.. thank you all people.. i feel i've bugged enuff people bout jobs and its really time for mi to decide for myself wat would come next.. but i jus sux at decision making.. sigh..

i jus feel i aint gonna pull through the confrontation tml.. oh gawd.. sigh... i need time..

hopefully i'd address the situation properly.. and all goes well.. baby.. i really thank God for u..

dear almighty.. i hope i would make the rite decision watever comes to mi tml..

**aini ger.. hows ya first day at work.. hope things are opposite for u and all is fine okies.. take care and miss ya...
sis i hope and earn to meet u up tml.. haiz.. baby.. i would like to hav u witness my working environment whether i stay on or not.. hee..
baby.. my only source of happiness now.. where i can fully relazx and jus be myself.. haiz..

its only less then three weeks more to go.. drats.. arghh..

met dear in the late afternoon.. went to the malls of parkway parade.. had the intentions to get new clothings for the start of work.. but failed to get any suitable ones.. jus cause im too small in size le.. haa.. it was a pleasant day afterall.. though i almost spoil the day.. hee..

baby bought some cuttlefish for popo.. we got the iron board cover for her too.. den baby bought mi a top from topshop.. hee.. i like it too.. jus din wanna waste money since we haven got much savings left... den baby bought mi an anklet.. aawww... so sweet rite.. haa.. its a nice treat from baby.. i got to eat my eclair too.. !! nice.. its expensive though..

tts bout all for the day.. baby's watching tv outside now so blogging while waiting for him to join mi in bed.. its gonna be in less then two more weeks before i start seeing less of dear and really putting myself into working life.. hmm.. gotta start telling myself to start sleeping early and not be late for work.. especially my workplace requires mi to walk quite a far bit in.. hmm.. any kindsouls wanna give mi a ride there and back?? im on nine to five daily.. haa..

also i received the letter for graduation ceremony le.. told fana i'd be going for it.. so hope to see my peeps there too.. other than the chalet too.. btw it started today le.. jus that i'd be joining them tml for the bbq.. gotta really get home early and start preparing for work le.. as soon as i start my "holidays".. its ending le.. hope i'll get used to it fast ba..

dear god.. as i place all my frens and loved ones in your hands.. i hope to see good things happening.. and that all will run smoothly for all.. one by one all will soon be embarking on new endeavours..

hmm.. my baby has checked in.. haa.. nite all..

haven got a chance to really sit and talk wif dear.. for a moment i feel him disappearing and den he appeared at the park behind my flat.. already glad to see him so soon things got off my mind and he stayed over..

hmm.. jus got home from di's place.. watched 'hostel' and 'erotrip' or sumthin.. it was good.. both of them.. haa.. was suppose to be a swimming and gym day.. but things din jus go as planned.. as always.. so we head off to town for my bro's phone collection.. den to ah boy motor shop.. baby jus got a new helmet.. haa.. no time for shootin of pics.. but anyway.. shall post up some if im not too lazy.. haa..

mean time im gonna hav another interview tml for di's mum.. hope to let all run well and smoothly.. so i can soon embark on my working life.. wahahha.. hmm.. although its scary.. oh well..

tts all for now.. ima gonna check my mails den off to lala land.. haa..
class chalet this fri.. hmm..

call mi baby..
huggies..

been quite awhile since i got down to blogging again... busy wif the interviews i got from UOB.. hoping to get settled down somewhere fast.. though i hav got the jitters for them too..

was away from the com to get koko krunch for my bro.. haa.. not forgetting kino's share.. haa.. but without the milk.. he likes it that way.. hmm anyway.. back to my interviews.. got a cal from the HR on monday.. so i went down on tue.. was told i'd get a reply by the next week fri but they called mi up rite the next day.. so i had my second interview on thurs.. now waiting for their call.. but i know i din do well for my second interview though..

got to know quite a few new frens there at serangoon sushi tei.. its really a nice place to work at.. but its never easy to try blend in to a new environment.. wif new people.. its jus that i've seen a few situations where ppl badmouthed others.. bah... not my type of clicks i would say..

hmm knocked off today to see kor outside the doors of sushi tei hee.. so glad.. it really feels good to see a familiar face outside ur workplace to see u or pick u up.. haa.. it would be better though if its dear.. but anyways.. had my greetings at the pub den kor sent mi to the busstop den said bye le.. on my way home at tpy bus interchange.. i had an encounter wif a mad woman.. oh god i think i can call her the fruit swearing lady.. as i was walking through the underpass i noticed this old lady.. den as i went ahead of her.. she actually began to go 'tsk tsk tsk.. woot!woot! squeeze!! watermelon juice.. watermelon juice!! ' and i can tell u its the swearing tone she's using.. tts the reason why i said she's the fruit swearing lady.. haa.. all the way till the busstop.. till i manage to shake her off.. when my bus arrived.. haa.. damn.. she even spat lo.. lucky thing not in my direction.. haa..

k la.. my bro has been disturbing my and wanting the com.. baby.. jus a note to u in case u read it.. do take care and lemme accompany u to the doc if u're anywhere not feeling well okeis.. nite baby.. sweet dreams..
ring mi.. anytime if u need to.. im here..

its dearies mama birthday today.. i went home to get changed after work and brought the present and two mangoes for dear along wif mi.. had a hard time trying to flag for a taxi.. finally reached dear's place an glad i wasnt the last one their waiting for afterall..

we had dinner at the no signboard seafood restaurant.. crabs was good.. the deep fried cereal prawn was good too.. i tasted the fried cereal only though.. during the dinner.. i felt i was getting quite an attention.. which i din feel really good.. coz it was suppose to be his mama's day not mine.. we were talking about jobs and salaries and stuff.. yea.. and both his jie were so enthu bout giving mi tips on how to go about getting a higher pay..

went back to his place and watch tv.. danny came.. i din know till he arrived.. baby prolly called mi over ba.. watever.. chatted.. and jus when we were bout to leave.. i had to spoil things again.. its jus a big mistake not to think through ur head before u speak.. it brings about a misunderstanding and lots of explaination which can be tiring.. and brings down my self confidence and esteem too.. its the first time ever im publishing that fact bout myself.. watever.. im jus too tired to keep trying so hard to make someone understand by explaining so much without getting much in return.. but its been always the case.. so shouldnt i be already comfortable wif this habit? haiz.. i need to slp.. i hope for a better tml..

im sorry baby.. i know this is prolly the hundredth time i apologise.. tell mi a better thing to say.. love you still..

nite.

many people been asking if hav i found a job yet.. or rather settled down wif the rite and suitable job yet.. the answer is no.. i hav not.. and many hav also scolded mi stewpit to give up a chance to go for an interview for UOB when they called mi up.. and now i hav to wait for them to return call.. which is something very unlikely to happen.. .oh gawwd..

so rite now im settling down back wif my old part time job as a waitress in sushi tei.. except that its at serangoon gardens.. no longer fareast.. i miss my gers at fareast.. aww...

i worked upstairs today at the tatami room.. its so fun.. to open the lift and take out the food.. and get ur orders through ordering digitally.. haa.. its fun.. heard that they are going to change all outlet's uniform soon.. inbout two weeks time??
haa. i hope i dun look too kiddy in it.. im kiddy enuff le..

baby came to fetch mi up today after work.. and we went to orchard.. its been a long time since i last walked orchard.. jus walking down the streets wif dear make mi feel so blessed.. its been real long.. hee.. we caught a movie at cine too.. Mission Impossible 3.. its a good show.. worth every cent.. keeps u in suspense all the way.. yea..

speaking of which.. my dearest yiling ger was at cine today as well.. but oh well.. we din bump into each other.. she caught the Hostel wif her dearie.. and damn! its rated R21.. and she managed to sneak in all fine!! i wanted to watch it too.. damn!! but its a sure thing i would be thoroughly checked first.. haa.. shit..

haiz.. its been a tiring day.. but i enjoyed my day to the fullest.. thanx baby.. tml is dear's mom's birthday.. though she wun be seeing this.. i us wanna wish her a big happie birthday and nian nian you jing ri.. fu ru dong hai.. shou bi nan shan.. shen ti jian kang.. :) will be having dinner over wif dearie's family tml after work.. :) sure im heading home for a bath first.. haa.. else i'll smell of sashimi and sushi rice all over..

nite all..
huggies..

been working four days at serangoon le.. and today's the first day i got to work wif jingwen.. happie.. and its not that stressed wif her ard afterall.. went to cafecartel after closing and chilled.. got to realise that our supervisor knew a fren there and we get not discounted, but free food.. haa..
wat do i do on my 21st turnoveR? not planned for the moment.. maybe go on a short holiday.. wif dear.. hmm.. however i got to attend my old sec sch gd fren clarice's 21st birthday yesterday.. met up wif sis rite after we both got off work.. and took a cab down to pasir ris.. it was kinda last min wif our pretzies and wrapping paper and cards.. dear and danny was already there.. glad that i attended it though we were all tired and reluctant to go down initially.. im jus glad to realise she even got to already introduce her bf to her family.. no more doing things secretly le.. but there was some weird atmosphere there.. shant prob too much..

got dear to spend the nite wif mi last nite.. i jus wan him over esp last nite.. no particular reason.. and dear did jus so.. :) thanx baby.. hope i din drool too much to scare u off.. hee.. rest well baby.. drink plenty of water.. dun wan u sick before enlisting..

take care peeps..