..

wednesdae..26/1

last nite dear cal to say his gonna be at my doorstep.. came to see mi.. din believe.. soon after i heard a knock.. and true enuff it was dear!! i missed him so badly.. how have u been?? (sounds like a question a fren would ask another..)

dear sat on my bed.. initiated a hug.. i did.. i hug him.. try to feel him close.. but i felt scared.. i cried.. felt slightly better eventually.. but din help much.. not that its the first time we din meet up for days.. we can dun meet up for many many days and still stay close.. but this time its like dear have been too tired out.. too sian to talk much too.. it takes two hands to clap deaR.. im feelin rather tired too liaoz.. u understand ma??

dear take mi for a ride on JJ's bike.. i teared.. thinkin its such a nice quiet night.. din expect to see dear in the first place.. jus keep thinkin if i did anythin wrong.. why dear like dun like to see mi anymore.. dun like to talk to mi anymore.. always wan to faster put down the fone.. like everytime so irritated on the phone..

when dear sent mi up back home.. i told deaR say i feel we arent talkin tt much anymore.. BUT i dun intend to say anythin like tt.. i jus din know wat to say at tat moment.. deaR keep pressing mi for something..i know how tired dear can be.. workin and open house.. and training.. and schling.. but on top of that i feel like something is going on wif dear tt i dun know.. ......

went to sch at eight today.. after biz com stay back for awhile wait up for jingwen aini and fana.. den went back bishan.. i wan to see dear de.. he got ask mi over.. but i declined.. dear so busy recently he rarely got the chance to stay home and rest.. besides i got to work in the evening.. little did i know tt deaR went out again.. after work reach home i caled deaR.. decided to speak up and ask.. but i feel i always say the wrong things at the wrong time.. i told dear how i felt.. the negligence.. the inassurance.. (is there a word like tt ?? watever..) dear den told mi he dunno.. he dunno.. he jus feel very fan.. very sad.. recently.. dunno wats bugging him.. dunno why.. jus very irritating.. very bad mood.. temperamental.. dunno wat happen.. jus wanna be in a world of his own..

precisely deaR... u ARE in a world of ur own.. where am i in ur world?? have u forgotten u still hav mi? always i wan u to share.. to tell mi anythin.. im jus very sad.. im not the one u would like to be wif when u are down.. u would rather feel at ease bein alone.. i am so so sad deaR.. u will never understand wat im feelin.. dear.. do u know that each and every time i msg u.. i dun msg jus for the sake of msging u.. i do so jus because i wan u to know... that i am mising u.. that i am thinkin of u.. that i wan u to know of my whereabouts.. that im waiting for u... always to reply my messages.. sumtimes i dun noe if u ever receive my msges at all.. i will den get pissed wif myself.. why do i have to keep msging u at all.. maybe u might even feel irritating all along.. i tried to tell myself not to msg u so much.. try to call u more.. but i cal u onli deaR u like wan faster put down phone le.. i jus cant help msg u.. if u did u would realise i tried to cut down le..

baby.... so long as u're fine.. u're happie.. tell mi at least.. let mi know if u jus wanna be alone.. dun leave mi alone like this deaR.. :`( i duno wats ur thots.. u've gotta let mi know deaR.. at least i wun think so much rite..

alright.. im done.. im tired... i jus cant stop.. cant stop tearin.. all this while.. deaR.. i dunno why.. u dunno why.. why why why.. not yet.. i dunwan.. i dunno..

take care.. pls slp well..
i love u deaR.. always.. always..