im so sorry..

mondae.. 17/1

wish i could see dear now.. made dear feel so irritated.. din end the conversation nicely.. i guess i know how dear feel.. but does dear know how i feel??? anyway...

really wish i can wipe away his tears.. i got dear so pissed he teared jus before putting down the fone.. asked mi go think why im scolded.. he dun scold for nothing one..and talkin to mi is jus a waste of time.. he says, besides, recently he dun always scold mi le..

tts why i wan to talk wif dear.. din find a chance to do so yet.. really.. have been trying to tell dear more bout my working schedule.. if dun listen to him wat for ask him to help mi decide my every week's schedule?? if can dun work i also dun wanna work liao.. not tired meh?? no need slp ah?? i dun need time to be wif dear ah?? i watched myself.. make sure i dun always complain tired.. in fact i never once did.. i always tell dear hows it like to be working in a new environment and the different kinds of ppl often eating at sushi tei.. tell dear if im clumsy got burnt or anything.. but i never complaint of feeling tired..

i know dun say dear will also know.. tts why ask mi dun act kiang jus work on weekends enuff liaoz.. but i got reason.. i noe dear dun like to listen to excuses.. one week pass one week i keep wanting to work jus on weekends only.. to show dear i really got listen de.. but haven got the chance..coz zhen yi sick.. den june took mc aso.. one by one all fall sick.. now dear already angry le i aso no chance explain.. but i wan explain de.. i very hurt dear say dun wan care mi le.. say i din listen to him.. i know if carry on talkin dear will sure blow his top de.. tts why he say dun wan talk liaoz.. i understand.. like tt i make dear very difficult aso i know..

maybe is mi.. maybe i more and more dunno how to behave.. more and more dun understand dear.. sumtimes i really might not be tt good enuff.. often feelin inferior.. but a few days back dear jus reassured mi.. still tot all's fine..i think too highly of myself.. as the saying goes.. good things always come to an end.. but its always so short-lived for mi.. im sorry dear.. i even make u teared.. it shows how angry u are with mi.. pls take care..

im having a hard time now trying to stop tearing dear.. i miss you.. im sorrie.. for not understanding u enuff.. for not listening to u.. for being so stubborn.. for showing face.. for being so irritating.. for being so slow at times i jus piss u off instantly..for not being able to make up my mind wat im talking to you whenever im talking to you.. for not being able to speak properly and often causing misunderstandings.. worst still for making u tear.. u dun deserve tt.. u dun deserve all this shit.. u're tired enuff le.. u got enuff things to worry on ur own le.. ur work.. money.. ur attachment.. stress and all.. im the cause for all..im sorry i.. jus.. hate myself..dun deserve u treating my so good.. MY GOD!!

slp tight sweet dreams dear.. goodnight..
i love u.. always..