fridae.. 1/4

april fool's day.. thanx benson for ur msg.. u remind mi its april fool.. still rememberin last yr.. dear played a joke say he dun wan mi le.. haha.. yea but tt was one yr ago..

its friday.. yes!! finally!! i've been waitin.. wan so much to go out..wif dear.. to go sentosa play at the beach.. to jus lie down and relax.. wan to catch a movie.. wan to go swimmin.. wan to go walk the esplanade.. wif dear.. but realise i gotta work.. and dears going back home to visit the next day.. dear asked mi go work.. so i went to work loh..

after work.. dear called mi..ask mi where am i.. and told mi his at the bus stop by the roadside.. dear came to fetch mi!! dear.. is it why u wanted mi to go work so much?? coz u wanna fetch mi home?? ran over and hop onto his bike.. from orchard.. to bishan.. never did i expect us to be on the road.. on the highways.. wif so many cars and traffics ard.. i feel we've come a long way.. since sec sch.. suddenly miss takin bus or train home wif dear..

reached home.. dear was already msging.. all the way..

dear carried mi into my room.. saw the bottle of perfume.. and the box of chocolates.. yea they're meant for him.. it was meant to cheer him up.. he's jus feelin down these few days.. and im hopin to cheer him up.. but i din think it would turn out a disaster.. i wish for a time machine to turn back the clock.. i jus dunno how to approach u le..

baby im sorry i kicked u so hard.. and im sorry i kicked ur back it hurt so much.. im sorry i turn things out so ugly.. im sorry i gave u the chance to misunderstand mi.. i din walk out on u.. i merely wanna go wash up.. but when i return i see u walkin out on mi instead.. so i went after u.. but it hurts when u ask mi to go away.. i jus cant speak up.. coz i din like to see u tt way..its been so long.. since u flared up..

baby.. im lost for words.. someone please help mi piece everything down..i feel it will soon suface.. everything..

baby.. u know how i feel when its regarding ur best fren.. i din wanna keep emphasizing.. coz im afraid u might not let mi know of ur wherabouts anymore for fear i would get jealous or angry wif u.. u know time and again im so pleased wif u for letting mi know u are wif her or when u are going to find her or when u are going for movies wif her.. coz it shows u still feel comfortable with tellin mi all these.. i din wan to make things worse till u are gonna hide things from mi jus so tt i wun feel out of place..u understand wat im sayin?? i wan u the way u are.. i wan u to tell mi things jus like u are now.. but i also wan u to know how i feel.. but i dun wan u to change after knowin how i feel.. all these.. i believe u know..

i know u are wat u are..u're not the sort whu talk alot whu like sharin.. u dun like the feelin of tellin others wat u are thinkin.. u feel it wun help much.. u think its useless.. u are so used to keepin things to urself.. so wat am i here for?? ever thought bout mi?? bout puttin urself in my position?? how would u feel?wat would u do?if its u?.. everythin..

u said this is not the way to keep a healthy relationship.. coz u say i jus write all on blog.. not u.. hav u noticed i wore the pants tt u bought for mi??have u noticed that im wearing two rings now instead of one?? did u even see??so many ppl saw.. but not u.. i think its too much to notice a ring.. too small.. how would i expect u to notice my everythin.. dun be so unreasonable adeline.. everytime i get a msg.. i wished so hard its u.. but nine out of ten times it isnt u..

i dun used to share either.. coz i will jus bottle everythin up.. but its u whu tot mi to share.. yet its u whu dun.. help mi to understand this..

baby.. i too used to keep things to myself.. all things.. coz i find it hard to open up.. coz people are scary.. cant be trusted.. i dun like to be cheated on.. dun like the feelin of puttin my secrets with others.. till u used to drill mi wif so much questions.. till u cried the very first time.. when we're still in sec sch.. guess u forgot le.. u cried tellin mi how worried u were coz i did not inform u where the hell did i go.. why not even a phone call or sms to let u know where i go?? from den u made mi feel the necessity of letting u know of my wherabouts.. my everything.. but do u dear?? i do not ask much last time.. coz i do not feel threatened den.. why i ask.. coz i care.. coz i wanna know.. coz i wan u to share.. becoz i feel threatened now.. but dear.. to you.. its not impt if i know or not..

im losin it.. i need u to help mi..to accept her as ur fren.. and stop feelin weird.. and threatened.. maybe till now i may seem to be but im actually not tt open enuff wif u.. coz im afraid of makin u angry.. end up turnin to blog.. coz im afraid of losing you..end up keepin things from u.. i need u to help mi.. coz im droppin that imp thing soon.. help mi dear..

after u asked mi to go home.. i went up the stairs..into the house and into my room.. and i started to cry.. i wished u followed mi up.. i wished u walk mi into my room.. and tell mi not to cry.. and tell mi tt everythings gonna b fine.. i called out to u.. hopin u would answer mi.. and tell mi to go slp.. but i jus keep callin out.. to no one.. i din wan to open my eyes to see no one ard.. keep hopin u are jus sittin behind mi.. keep hopin u will appear..but no..(u understand tt kind of expecting feelin??) i cried hard.. i need to know u are safe at home..finally tell myself to stop being stupid and wish u are there..i called u.. guess u're watchin tv.. den i tot im really stupid.. jus stupid..

baby..like wat ger say.. i feel u still care.. worry bout mi.. u called mi.. when u're leavin.. when u're boardin the train.. and made four overseas call jus to tell mi where are u.. jus to let mi know u are fine.. baby.. thanku.. u could've not bothered at all.. u could hav jus left without a word and not call.. but u din..

u said im not the same.. u said im different in the last call.. u asked mi wat happen.. baby tell mi wat i dunno.. tell mi pls.. dun make mi think anymore.. grandma asked bout u today.. if u're comin over to stay.. asked why my eyes swollen.. coz i lapse into cryin again when i woke up at 5.30pm.. den i fall asleep again till 8.30pm... yea.. i cry and slp practically the whole day.. dunno why but i dunno how to face u le.. like i've embarassed myself enuff in front of u.. dear i noe u have been tryin hard to change.. to learn to trust another again.. to share wif mi.. but i dun wan u to try so hard till u dun feel comfortable.. i dunno how to say.. im really lost..

i jus spoil everything everytime things go well.. i jus wan to end the day wif a simple conversation wif u.. i jus wan to end my day everyday nicely.. but i dunno why do i always have to turn every conversation so sour.. and spoil every visit u make to my place.. help mi.. i dun wan things this way... cant blame u if u dunno wat i wan.. coz i dunno either..

baby.. im sorry.. for giving u so much trouble.. for messing up so much things.. i really feel messed up.. im not ready to let u see mi in this state.. baby.. im sorry.. i love you.. goodnight..

pls come back soon.. kuai dian hui lai.. im sorry.. im sorry.. im sorry..