Chronicles Of Boredom

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2008-07-25T16:23:00.002+08:00

Matthew 11:28

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

the thought came along with an aim that is to help make mi feel better.

well.. thank you..

there are ups and downs for everyone. After crying, I will dry my tears and move on.

thanx ...

my life just goes on in a cycle, day after day. nothing runs out of routine.

worked till late, then come home to rest and go to bed. mentally tired, physically drained.

although its finally my compliance leave now, i do not feel that it is holiday.
too tired to go for gathering, too tired for dinners, too tired for everything.

it's been really long since i got in touch with the girls.

guess i need to make a trip down to the beach. in hope where I can find my comfort zone my space myself back.

what’s wrong with me?

time well spent...

2008-06-05T00:03:00.004+08:00

most people appreciate their time well just by spending it at home watching vcds or sleeping away.. some hang out wif frens and just frens..
i feel its always good to have an equal of both..

started off my saturday wif a spa at the body wellness salon wif mom..
was late as usual.. so we both missed the body scrub.. feel kinda cheated..
had a full body aromatic spa massage..
den i realise mayb i aint the type to enjoy spas after all..
after which lunch at swensens..
haven got a chance to try their smoothies..
bought some face scrub frm fancl.. yea why spend when i can get it free from mom who's a beautician.. haa..

met old gang at bugis.. den its steamboat for dinner before we all make our way home after deciding theres nothing much for us to do..

keep imagining myself uploading vids and pics of baby and all.. but im jus so lazy.. wif my slow computer.. its not helping at all..

brought javier to the baby pool.. javier's first splash splash time.. :)
was so afraid that it might rain or that javier wil be too tired..
or even worse..
pee or poo in the pool.. haa.. but we all had fun in the end..

went home all bath and changed before we head down to amkhub soup restaurant.. for mom's belated diner..

overall a tiring weekend but it was an enjoyable one..
i wish i can bring javier home every week.. or more often..
otherwise i will have problem having him over the weekends..

all things happen for a reason.. so can anyone tell mi why..
why is my heart still aching..
........

...

2008-05-05T21:46:00.003+08:00

in the darkest times of my life.
i told myself to move on cause i have you.
in times when i have doubts and fears.
i clinged on tighter cause i tot there's still you.
you being my second chance.
my hope.
my support and comfort.
but.
the one that i put my whole trust and life in.
shows mi just how vulnerable trust can be
shows mi just how much can be seen through a person.
that im starting to fall apart cause of this one person.
is life worth giving one more chance?

am i to take your words for real and risk my trust being taken advantage of again?
its just this scary cause the person closest to you is the person hiding the most things from you.
and its just this scary to imagine you have lied for so long so well.
n whether to gimme a 100percent of u, its for mi to tell.
not for u to say.
but thanx for telling mi my importance to you and your sincerity in giving mi a 100percent.
afterall its wat i've been waiting for all this while.
its wat u owe mi its wat it should have been all along rite?
im jus wondering.. wat took u so long.. why only now..
i lived to learn that its just too much to trust one self and later get nothing in return.

u are jus going further further and further away from the man of my dreams.
from the one i thought i used to know.
i will not have any hopes expectations or surprises from u. i will jus live my days day by day.

all thanx to this meaningless word call trust..

Life Is A Gift

2008-03-20T03:54:00.004+08:00

Today before you think of saying an unkind word
Think of someone who cant speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife
Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.

Today before you complain about life
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didnt clean or sweeep
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down
Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around

Life is a gift
Live it
Enjoy it
Celebrate it

**life's full of ups and downs
cherish your loved ones
dun make mistakes which you know you cant redeem forgiveness for..

plain madness

2007-10-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

baby javier hit one month old yesterday,
and so there was a mini celebration held at dear's place..

surprisingly, my sweet and thoughtful dear came over
to see mi at close to midnight..
brought over my cam to show mi pics and vids taken of javier too..
how sweet can anyone else get,
knowing that there's still work following day...

and so i brought it over to my mom to share the pics..
and den it all started..
i know since all along mom have been unhappie
bout mi being kept away frm baby this long..
i guess no one was happie bout it too.
but its a painful choice i have to make.
since i came down wif chicken pox..

mom have been waiting...
for an opportunity to chance upon, all along.
i know.
by passing sarcastic remarks obviously directing them to jiawei..
she is jus pushing her limits, testing our patience
and challenging us in a way..
and after all that she's done, she allowed herself to get away but denying it all.
hows that for someone u would cal ur mother.
she jus leaves mi feeling disgusted. ashamed.

and jus as i've predicted, she jumped on her feet
and happily shouted at the top of her lungs
when jiawei only tried to approach her why the sarcasm.
why the need for a sarcasm..

nv in my life have i tot that a day like this will happen.
im sorry to u bro.. for making u part of the quarrel.
im sorry to daddy for making u break that chair in a fit of anger,
for puttin u in a difficult spot trying to come in between
and stop everything..
im sorry for the cause of u being cornered like a small kid
and get scolded for not being a man and doing the rite thing
and being looked down upon.. im sorry..

im sorry baby.. for having such a mother..
such a mother whu have never cared for mi..
never spared a thought for my feelings..
never once taught mi right from wrong..
never was there when i needed someone A mother..
never once brought mi to school..
nor fetch mi back..
never once saw any of my sch teachers
during any meet-the-parents..
never once encouraged mi for my results academically or
career wise..
never once approved of my wants.. and think badly of mi..
the list goes on..

im utterly disappointed in u.. the one i cal mommy..
wat the hell in the world are u thinking when u did those acts yesterday.
she mus have been deaf not hearing ur pleas dear God..
im sorry.. that was not wat u hav planned God i know..
she must have fallen into some dark hole filled with
thoughts only for herself.
everything and anything about jus herself.
but please do not help to lift her out of that dark hole dear God,
let her self-filled thoughts be turn into misery and anger and
regretfulness and loneliness for all of her selfish and disgusting acts.
she deserved it all..
she really deserved it all..

**im sorry gers.. jaas and yiling darlin.. that i have to turn u both down after planning and promising and yet not keeping up to it..

darlin.. please dun stay too muddleheaded for long.. u know u can get very soft hearted if it goes in the long run.. u hav to know wat u really wan.. but watever decision u make.. u have my support okies.. whether to wait for him.. or to really face up to the fact that it will all be over once his gone.. u've been there for mi since long too.. there's no need to thank mi darlin.. im glad u cried ur heart out tt nite.. its good to really let it out.. :) but dun make it a habit okies.. if not u will carry the name ku bao.. hor..

tk cr all my frens.. out there i may not know how u peeps prioritise family frens and love but to mi.. all seem equally important now.. please learn to treasure everything and everyone u have now.. before changes intervene ur life and forever distort or transform ur lives..

2007-10-10T23:05:00.000+08:00

my baby javier..
little javier is 4days old at the time of this pic..
sleeps jus like his daddy.. wif both hands up above his head.. haa..

lastly, a vid..

busiest week of my life ever.

2007-10-09T18:03:00.000+08:00

now tat we are adults.
we should think twice about wat we do and the consequences that follows..
we have to answer for our doings and be responsible.
it is very childish and selfish if we act on impulse just to satisfy our mere wants.
and in turn bring worries to ppl around us, especially close ones..

tt was frm my dearie this mornin..
tt woke mi up from my childish tots..
tt woke mi up from my dreams and brought mi back to reality..

jus barely a week after giving birth to little Javier..
& im seperated from my hubby and baby..
and tts bcoz i came down wif chicken pox.. how lucky i can get..

little Javier was born on 24sep at 1719pm, 2.975kg..
very thankful for little javier.. nv tot i did it finally..
bringing my precious little one to life.. it feels miraculously wonderful.
with little javier. life will be different onwards.
seriously dunno wat lies ahead of mi now..
sometimes questioning myself for the things i do.
is it for the sake of baby. is it for the sake of my hubby..
or is it for the sake of myself.

but think on the brighter side adeline!
things will definitely be different..
but life's gonna be more fun..
more promisingly fun and upside down..

thank you to all my frens
who came to visit mi thru this trying period..
all of u.. u know whu u all are..
i thank god for all u wonderful ppl..

thank you to all my jiaren..
whu came and left mi wif great advices sticking wif mi supporting mi throughout..

thank you to my family and his..
for taking care of mi and baby all these while..
i cant thank you all enuff for all the help given..

and lastly thank you my dearest..
for being there wif mi since the very start..
though its been a very emotional roller coaster ride for both of us..
though life has been draining us dry of energy and fun..
though we may not be together physically now..
but we both know its gonna be for temporarily only..
rite dear..
i am so looking forward to having our lives back to normal.. wif little javier..
to have more wonderful memories together..
and i believe u do too..
i love you baby..
my one and only..
now and forever..

new chapter...

2007-01-26T17:26:00.000+08:00

procrastinated long enuff.. before i decided to write a little..

many things had happened and there's so much to write about.. rite now as im typing.. many things going thru my mind.. my past.. and wats to happen in jus a short six to seven months down the road.. nobody knows yea??

got sick recently.. thats when i got so emotionally unstable without realising it.. tot of da.. my old motherly da.. missed her cooking, company and her face.. time seem to fly when one's busy.. but to me its still as though da jus left yesterday.. tt din stop me from keepin in contact wif her.. i still did msg her and tried to meet up and stuff.. but i only have myself to blame for being too preoccupied wif my things that ended us not being able to meet..

i miss going to her for advices.. walking the dog wif her and doing our weekly shopping.. i can only wish for the better for her health and all..

life can be really unpredictable at times.. and it can just catch u off guard when u least expect it.. i hope to share wif all my frens.. to enjoy living life as it is.. den regret in the future.. and not take advantage of chances in life..

got a 5 days mc from the hosp.. to rest well at home.. and probably think things through abit thoroughly.. now that things hav not yet come to a confirmation, i can only say im sorry to those who loved and cared for mi.. but i hav dear to stay wif me through it all.. and that's wat keeps mi going for now i guess.. thank you baby dear.. for enlightening mi and making me see things at a different point of view.. though all may be very supportive of us but i cant forgive myself.. doing this at ur expense of freedom.. i hope u understand.. but also it gives mi new hope as i can finally experience the way u've nv treated me before.. thank you baby..

thank you for spending time and money at the expense of bringing me fun.. thank you for being my best fren, trying to always make my day when im at my worst.. my everything else basically.. i love you baby..

2006-10-02T22:52:00.000+08:00

clock is ticking.. life is living as it is.. no one stops to really enjoy the moment of it den.. till someone thinks back to realise how nice is it to jus go back to that one moment when u are actually enjoying life if, and i mean IF we all jus dun complain tt much.. tts life..

hmm.. work's picking up and on track.. been handling more projects now.. im expected to hit more then 200 txns daily.. though difficult.. but i'll try..
i've so much to write.. too much too write.. but i'll try..
things are going fine wif mi and deary.. though i 'll still miss him hard during times when i jus wan to see him rite away.. but i'll try to stay fine.. i'll try..

to all my close frens... its hard to keep in close contact daily.. as we all hav our own lives to lead.. its reality.. but i'll try to keep up wif meeting my princesses.. i'll try..

yiling ger.. dunno wats happened to u since ur last msg.. u've been keepin mi in suspense till now.. try to meet up okies.. take good care..

jw.. hope u're doin fine wif sch work.. and david ya.. i wish u well and to take good care..

jie.. u jus know my pattern.. thank you for droppin mi a call once in a awhile.. we'll try to make time k.. i still owe a treat..

and sis.. my dearest sis... still no reply frm u since the last mail.. try to reply when u free okies.. even so, hope to hav dinner one day or sumthin.. its really been real long since i last really heard frm u le.. jiayou in life.. and take care of ur health okies.. its hard to work and study.. both at the same time.. hav a good day tml.. and many many days after many many tmls.
i miss u ger..

baby.. thank you for giving mi a good time.. all these while.. u're only gettin more sweeter, patient.. caring.. and loving.. thank you for assuring mi this way to make mi feel that all things are still the same as before.. thank you for allowing mi to see a little more further into our future.. its hard but we'll go throught watever comes our way okies..
i love you.. my one and only..

adeline is tired.. really mentally physically exhausted.. of daily routine.. of life.. but its wat frens and memories and loved ones that keeps her going..

adeline wans to take a rest.. away on a long journey to nowhere..

2006-09-08T17:24:00.000+08:00

its been a long long time since i last wrote an entry and even got so guilty to hav my dearest sista readin up to find out more bout mi from my frens.. !! im so bad... coz i din really expect ppl to be actually reading much on my blog.. coz i dun hav much readers.. haa.. no matter wat here's an entry.. for sista..

been bz wif work.. finally got the hang of my job scope.. and was recently converted to a permanent staff.. but it aint a good thing to my though it might be for some others.. coz it only proves that im able to be loft on my own and expected not to make so much mistakes.. but i still ask silly qns most of the time! haa. and do silly mistakes and depend on others if my queue of transactions are too much to handle!! jus praying that all goes fine ba..

in the mean time i made new frens.. good frens.. who stay wif u and keep u company and tell u things whether u like it or not.. not hiding things.. tts wat i call frens.. since the very first day.. i got acquainted wif this ger.. Alicia.. a small size ger.. we share the same height and weight.. hav a bro and jus loves sleeping late into the afternoons.. haa.. she's a fun loving carefree and blur littler ger.. haa..

not long after i was introduced by alicia to this fine and cute ger.. who was also another long story as to why we are actually already indirectly frens of each other.. jesslyn.. haa.. i got her name correctly this time.. too many frens wif the same name yet different spelling.. :) we hit it off real well once we meet and i immediately feel as if we are old frens whu once lost contact.. shant spill out the way our frens are all interconnected.. haa..

den its shannon.. this ger whu seem rather quite and less sharing at first.. but she seem to be rather very much the opposite of wat we tot of her.. haa.. nice ger to chat with and joke.. it would be very different if without her ard definitely..

den its only recently i got to get closer wif this fren whu started working four months earlier den all of us.. she's yueping.. also from NYP.. hee.. realyl nice sharing stories and go catching movies together wif her..

its fri le.. in a blink of an eye i would be going back to work soon again.. went for a haircut on monday.. kinda miss twirling my hair now though.. but most imporatntly i had the approval of dear. hee.. tts the most important thing of all le.. baby said its nice.. thought to mi i feel i look more like a small ger le..

attended baby's pop on tuesday.. had a long and tiring day for all i know.. its tiring having to look out for dear as im the one taking most of the pics and vids.. i can say im proud of dear.. seeing dear on the parade square is totally a different feeling as of being together wif him.. baby got platoon best.. and company second best.. but i dun care as he is my best.. though i was out all day for dear.. but we had barely spoke to each other tt day.. went home tired and moody and sad.. shall not let it out here..

met up wif jingwen ger on wedenesday to help celebrate her birthday earlier.. we went to swissotel.. and its only after she told mi the hotel den i got to know of the hotal name.. how stewpit can i get.. met dear after our hi tea session.. and was still sharing wif jw ger bout how much difference i felt from dear from long ago and now.. its really pleasant..
some how or rather.. we seem to hav reach a level of understanding even without the need of talking or mentioning in details wat we hav in mind.. its great.. but not all the time.. if not we will hav to leave things unsettled and unsaid.. haa..

after being together for so long.. its only my first time going to wash bike wif dear yesterday.. after acc baby for his bike inspection..
its a long slacking day for mi today.. coz i finnaly am able to slack at home.. and watch tv till i got headache.. hahha.. anyway its time for mi to save and stop.. as dear is at my place le!!

will be back soon again..

2006-07-25T01:43:00.000+08:00

it definitely isnt a gd day..
rite from the very beginning..
got off the wrong side of bed..
got a bad hair day and was late for work..

get home in time to throw a temper at my family..
its my bad.. i know..
im lost and stressed..
work's not going anywhere good..
and im not gainin much liking anywhere either..
i keep forgetting things..
and it sucks..
like fuck..

i dun like to hav myself in ppl's mouth or in ppl's stares..
i dun like to involve others if i jus cant finish my own work..
but eventually i got others involved by making a whole team return home late today..
as late as ten..
i made a few mistakes last week and ppl are clearing the shits for mi today..
and i dun like it.. !

im in a foul mood and i dun wish to talk to anyone or do anything..
i dun wan to go to work i dun wan to go anywhere..
i dn wan to see mommy and daddy..
mommy's mad and daddy breaks his promise..

if only..
if only i could..
i wish i would..
i miss you dear.. dearly..
take care there.. and i hope u're not having sucha bad time like wats it over here..

be home soon..

sis.. thank you.. (u might not know for wat.. but thanx..)
jie.. thanx for meeting on sat.. still got ur pearl.?
yiling ger.. thanx for having mi over at ur place.. rem its my honour to help u.. cya soon..
jw ger.. thankiew so so much for the pleasant meeting last min.. its really sweet.. a meeting once inawhile.. our promise okie?

baby. let mi see u in dreamland tonite??

2006-07-15T02:43:00.000+08:00

its a bright and sunny day..
yet its jus a dark rainy and cloudy day for mi..

its still fresh in my head, the dream i made..
i dreamt of baby and we were having a good time indeed..
apparently things went bad but we din fall out..
its jus coz someone else stepped into the picture.. and i gave way..
its ok to be stewpit in my dreams.. but i wun know how would it be in real life..

its been my two weeks working at citibank already..
and im beginning to adapt and settle in pretty well..
started to handle transactions yesterday and today.. things are still fine so far..
as i've yet to experience difficult case..
i made my fist call to the treasury and dealers over at taiwan to quote rates for clients..
geez.. its scary.. their chinese! omg..

speaking of which.. im mentally prepared of wats ahead of my rite now.. its jus work and work and work.. i hope to try and find some time for myself and organise my thoughts for coming weeks..

baby baby.. pls be alright and sleep well at nite..
jus wanna assure u i only hav u..
do not worry and be fine okies baby..
lets promise each other to work hard together ok..
promised..
besides im beginning to adapt and accept this kinda life..
work on weekdays and love on weekends..
but tt leaves mi wif no time for my frens and my own.. haa..
watever..
im considered lucky to hav things to do in life.. and things to look forward to..
finally i jus wanna say i love u my dearest..
take care..

my first dae...

2006-07-04T21:01:00.000+08:00

its been long and before i know it.. its been two days baby booked in le.. this time round with much hesitation and reluntance.. baby's tired.. too drained i guess.. aint booking out suppose to be a time to hav ample rest and replenish for the next weeks' training schedule? and den my baby always asking wat are the plans to go out.. haiz.. poor baby.. we'll balance our outing in time to come okies.. but meanwhile i need u to get enuff rest..

went back to sch to get acadamic transcript and diploma for dear.. and its a different feeling once i step into the sch though.. miss my schling days..

anyway... today today.. is my first day at work.. hurray!! haa.. but it wasnt really good la.. i practically sit around and do nothing staring at wat others are doing.. jus like a boss.. haa.. since they haven got mi a password and login for a computer.. so im basically bored.. yea.. but judging by the loads of transactions coming in from time to time.. and the speed of those processors.. i dunno how long am i gonna take to reach their standards.. im all ready to learn.. pls dun keep mi waiting too long.. haa..

first days at work are never nice.. im glad mine is over.. but i still got to get over the first week.. den is considered well settled ba.. we'll see.. till then.. take care frens.. and baby.. i miss you.. dearly..

2006-06-23T01:08:00.000+08:00

my baby is back.. thank god i finally see my baby safe and all is fine today.. other den the wobbly legs almost giving way, jus worried for his sore throat. still cant seem to forget the first look of you at my doorstep. like finally.. my baby look so smart and cute.. haa botak baby..

baby took a ride from a fren's and came over to my place straight... lucky i din left home early to wait for him at pasir ris.. haa.. den we took a cab to his place.. spent the rest of the day admiring the finest of his little spiky hair.. haa.. i jus love moving my hands from the back of his head to the front..

ah guan came over.. david came too.. later evening serene and danny came over too.. haa.. sis was so sweet.. took vids for mi as she felt that was the least she could do since i wasnt allowed to take vids of baby.. haa.. sis kept saying ' ur baby very cute la.. haa.. was admiring him jus now.. haa.. anwiae im glad he is fine.. though very shack... =D proud of him... but super happie for you.. coz i know u wait this time very long le!!!'

i felt good.. coz sis totally spoke from my heart.. jus like the words i was about to say.. haa.. im proud of baby too!! more hectic days to come baby.. shall put up pics soon.. if i really got the mood.. haa..

gonna rest early le.. baby slping now!! haa.. nite all..

2006-06-21T02:59:00.000+08:00

wth.. wat the hell! there u go wif ur mood swings again..ok fine. im fine wif it.. my fault again.. its not the first time either.. i said 'watever' coz one word describes it all..

i dun even know wat happen and was jus trying to know wat went wrong.. wat did i do or wat did i even say.. coz i realise as we were talking.. ur response ur attitude changed.. all the one word answer when i ask u questions..fine.. arent u rude? u could hav jus said' jie im not in a good mood.. please stop talking..' or ' im pissed wif u for watever reasons. so jus leave mi alone' i will! damn it.. i still got the heart to ask u wat happened my dear boy.. and this is wat i get.. fine again.. and one more things..please shut ur fucking mouth on the ah lian here and there.. i know wat i am and wat im not.. and im not trying to contradict myself wif the 'shut ur fucking mouth' .. i meant to say, please STOP all ur nonsense shit of ah lian here and there.. we've been communicating wif these all the time.. den explain to mi why the sudden change and names for mi?!?! if im an ah lian.. den does that makes u an ah beng? if u're tryin to change mi and stop mi from swearing all the time and helpin mi instead. u can do it in another manner.. and not by calling names. esp ah lian.. wth.. and after everything.. u go about saying sorry.. oh gawd.. tell mi wat am i suppose to do.. to learn from mistakes when i dun see any? to jus shut up and let u on ur way? im sorry too anyway.. if theres's anywhere im at fault.. i've always wanted u to see my point of view.. tts all..

it all started when i asked if u're free this fri. i could hav settle well at the 'see how things go'.. but u hav to leave the house jus coz u cant stand mi and need a fresh air outside? or wat? i ask if u're hungry and u said 'i dunno' nice said. wel done. ok fine. yea. u can change ur mind on sleeping early or not.. to go hav prata and watch soccer or not. and jus dun give a shit about ur promise to ur jie.. ok fine! really.. do watever pleases u.. (on a nice tone, jus in case u say i wanna pick a fight again)pls jus pls dun make mi feel like giving up on u..

i've no intentions on starting an entry like that.. but bah.. watever.. people can really affect people.. haiz.. pls let mi see my baby soon.. soon.. i've got things planned already..
its nothing really exciting.. there's no where i wan u to pei mi go. or bring mi out to play.. i only wanna spend quality time wif u.. tts all tt matters to mi.. baby.. i miss you.. and im proud of u today.. wif ur 4km road march wif all ur heavy stuff to carry.. its gonna be ur ippt.. test tml.. jiayou ok.. fail nvm.. do ur best can le.. i still love u.. looking forward to thurs..

and bro.. i still love u too.. haiz.. pls dun show mi any attitude anymore.. i really dun think i deserve this shit.. and i really dun think u are these kinda shit i see at times.. please.. argh!

graduation day today was rather bored.. and simple.. attended today's ceremony and had some photo taking sessions.. not in the rite mood to post up pics.. din get to see most of my mates.. aini ger! jw! celine and irene.. but still thank my mom for attending it too la.. bah~

2006-06-17T18:49:00.000+08:00

Five surprising reasons men are happy in a relationship
by Bonnie Yuill

Dont be fooled by the male ego.
Men look for more in a relationship than an attractive women who will cook him a good meal and wash his clothes every once in a while. what he really needs is your admiration.

He needs to communicate with you.
A lot of men need to be in a relationship more than women do. Surprising? Not really, when youthink about it. Women usually have close relationships with their friends. They talk about health problems until they feel better. But men dont. As Helen Fielding's character, Bridget Jones, says 'women have emotions and men have football.' Men are competitive and so, in general, they rarely share their emotions or problems with each other, as they think it makes them look too weak. When he needs to open up and talk about his feelings, guess who he eventually shows his vulerable side to? You!

He wants to be your hero.
Knowing that he can make someone else happy makes him feel good inside, because he has the power to change things. And what bloke doesnt secretly want power of some sort? At least if he cant always be top dog at work, he can be a star at home. Instinctively, he aspires to be Spider-man or Superman to be your hero, to be able to make things right: to be appreciated, to be someone's kinght in shining armour. So when you are disappointed or unhappy, he feels responsible. What matters is that you are happy and then he's got one less thing to worry about. Strange but true.

He strives to make you happy.
The number one reason men leaves relationships is because they feel as though they cant meet their partner's needs. This makes them feel inadequate, and it makes them feel as though there's no way their partner can feel respect for them. For women, communication seems to be the top priority in keeping the relationship going but, quite honestly, men dont understand this constant need to talk about things over and over.

For men, the relationship is a success if they feel respected and if they make their partner happy. This is why a new conquest is exactly that as he feels as though he is in charge as he is once again someone's knight in shining armour.

If you resent him because you feel overworked and under-appreciated, stop doing so much as you are probably destroying your relationship! he doesnt want to feel responsible for you rushing around, worn into the carpet, and most men really dun notice whether the housework has been done or not. What they want is respect and appreciation. 'All we really want from women,' a (male) friend recently told me, 'is for you to smile at us.' (And probably one other thing, if he thought about it for longer than a millisecond.)

Sex makes him feel loved.
Sex has the same effect on men as romance does on women. So the reverse is also true: no sex = no love, no approval, no acknowledgement. They get the same sad, unloved feeling that you get when you dont get flowers, your partner looks at other women or ignores you.

You are his(secret) reason for living.
He needs you because you inspire him to do better as he has someone to do things for, goals to reach, a reason to go out and conquer the world. What's the point of being disgustingly rich and powerful if there's no one to share it with? What he needs is the gift of you.

Quoted from a fren's...

2006-06-15T03:50:00.000+08:00

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

2006-06-12T03:26:00.000+08:00

bro.. pls get to sleep u pig head asshole!! yea.. i had some fun playing ard wif my bro.. had some wrestling.. and slapping.. and scolding and shouting.. haa.. its crazy.. anyway.. bro jus reminded mi bout something i wanted to blog initially.. a few days back.. one day after bro's birthday.. it was this ger's birthday.. and so.. out of courtesy.. bro bought a present for this ger as she bought one for him too.. met at her void deck.. and passed the present to her.. haa.. and guess wat? my bro gave away his first hug to a ger!! other den mi la.. wahahha.. tt was some funny and new experience altogether.. haa.. its funny to see that though.. haa.. his good fren was there too.. and after the ger had initiated for my bro to send her up back home.. he actually declined!! how stewpit was that? haa.. we later realised that my bro was freaking out le.. haa.. bah.. its his first experience and well.. i feel he still do okie la.. at least he din really go that far and do anything that might allow him to spoil the nite and embarass himself..haa..

cute guy.. haa.. anyway stayed home all day and slacked.. went out for dinner wif bro at nite..

hmm.. baby called thrice today.. oh my god.. his voice. is gone! baby is now the IC for his section and also the timer.. and is also the soon-to-be platoon incharge.. haiz.. my baby.. pls dun spring so fast.. haiz.. i knew this was coming.. my baby sure kena aim for this and that one! damn.. i jus hope he will be able to handle all responsibility and on top of that take care of himself.. heartache to hear his voice almost gone.. geez.. baby asked if would i still wan him today.. bah... only make mi tear.. stewpit guy.. hmm..its gonna be the fifth day tml le.. jiayou dear.. nine more days!! ha baby made mi laff at him today.. he din know that when he booked out he would be in smart fall.. and would not be able to hug or hold hands.. still say he cant wait to hug.. haa.. silly baby..

baby..

other than take care.. i only hav take good care for u..
i love you goodnight..

3rd day..

2006-06-11T02:16:00.000+08:00

woke up to baby's call today once again.. he's done wif lunch fast and tou tou called mi to chat.. though its jus a short 1.26mins.. im satisfied..

was at nee soon east community centre and celebrating my good fren june's birthday..actual birthday is on the 14th.. went there early and helped out in the setting up of balloons and stuff.. and slowly one by one came.. her parents were friendly.. in fact too friendly.. haa.. shall keep the details to myself.. they actually booked the whole karaoke hall from 630pm till closing which is ard 1230am.. haa.. sang a few songs and soon realise im missing baby.. missing his calls and all.. looked at my phone again and again.. din expect myself to miss his calls five times! haiz. im sorry baby..

anyway baby called later and we chat till lights out.. my baby ran 2km today.. nonstop! tts a good sign.. my baby is still fine. haa.. baby is being appointed as IC for quite a few things including being incharge of his whole section.. theres pros and cons to this.. but i know my baby will always excel in his performance and to their expectations de.. jiayou baby.. but pls pls take care of urself too.. tts top priority.. understood? haa..

yesterday had dinner wif danny and yasi.. danny bought mi this dolphin soft toy at action city.. haa.. and said he even gonna claim it back from dear when he's out.. haa.. he's been real nice taking care of mi.. thanx kor..

anyway bumped into alfie and shunjie and elgene while on the way home too.. been awhile..

i wanna go tanning.. badminton.. swimming.. anyone??
sis? shall we? aini ger.. when ur day off..? and jw ger.. i wanna book u on ur next off too.. time to catch up le..i read ur post and i hope to lend a listening ear okies.. and jie.. keep in touch on ur job posting and stuff okies.. and lastly.. to yiling ger.. hope u dun miss this.. i can sympathise wif u but i know i definitely cannot say i truely understand how u feel.. coz i know u're the extreme case wif ur boy... and im really sorry.. but like wat u said to mi.. its not as if he's gonna stay in there for the rest of his life.. and so long as u both know u both are together.. its all that matters.. lets jus let our boys get it over and done wif okies.. we can only hope for the better.. like u said.. it doesnt make any much of a difference to u anymore.. cheer up ger.. and miss ya all loads!!!!

miss ya dear..
be home soon..

baby's big day...

2006-06-08T14:56:00.000+08:00

hey peeps.. guess wat.. my baby finally got enlisted into BMTC sch 2 today at tekong le.. haa..
in like a blink of an eye.. baby is already serving the nation le.. yea!! baby.. fan shi dou yao ren okie.. everything will be fine.. keep a positive thinking too.. i know u can de.. :)

yesterday, baby was still a little sick.. but he went to take his advance theory.. and he passed..
shall not mention any sad happenings..baby went for lion dance.. meanwhile later in the evening baby ride his fren's sp over and took mi for a ride downstairs before he return to sch.. wee!! its rather fast compared to the old phantom.. but its not my type la.. i realise i would rather prefer superfour.. or jus his good old phantom ba.. haa.. took my bro for a ride too.. but in the carpark only.. haa..

anyways i spent the nite over at his place.. my so called last nite wif him.. haa.. kor came over too.. and witnessed us reading off the checklist and packing his bag.. slpt ard 2am.. all of us too anxious for him le.. including his mum too..

woke up in the morning at 6am.. and got ready.. went to pasir ris white sands to hav our breakfast there wif dear and his family.. hee..jingjie later appeared out of nowhere! haa.. wat a fren.. it was meant to be a surprise for him.. he heong inside ah.. later secretly took a ticket from another family which din use up theirs.. lucky loh..

guess wat it read from the notice board at the shuttle bus area?? it states M company pls report here... Mohawk!! if for those whu went in before, would know that its well known for its aggresiveness and siaoness in its training and expectations ba.. especially Ninja and Mohawk company.. haiz.. im crossing my fingers for u baby.. took a shuttle bus over and den a ferry to tekong.. hmm seem like a long yet short ride over.. and before we know it.. we got seperated le.. had a mini bus ride in the training grounds there.. saw the bunks and toilets.. the leisure room air-conditioned wif ping-pong and pool table and tv.. saw their SOC too.. standard obstacle course.. they call it the ns men's playground lei.. the swimming pool and other training grounds la..

later had a mini presentation done by the officers and sergeants there.. and tts where this guy in full camo stood as a model for us.. haa.. in full combat and rifle too.. haa.. i went up to try and lift the bag.. and realise its not really tt heavy la.. haa.. for a ger like mi to say this.. i think it shouldnt be a prob for the rest of the guys in there. haa..

later we went to the canteen to wait while baby and the rest got ready wif their oath taking ceremony.. and meanwhile.. i spotted a cute guy.. really cute one.. told his elder sis and she even agreed wif mi loh.. haa.. mi mi yan jus like wang xi's.. sharp distinct nose wif a kissing lips.. real cutie.. haa.. anyway.. we headed to the auditorium and sat through the whole thing la.. btw jingjie fall asleep listening to the presentation and video clips man!.. he even snored!!

den its lunch time together.. sadly i din touch my rice or chicken chop a single bit.. im still fulled up from the breakfast meal.. den after lunch its time to really say bye bye le.. baby hugged all and thanked them for coming to see him off.. den baby turned to mi and kissed mi on my lips without a word.. i'll always remember that soft look on his face.. and mi there still trying hard to hold back my tears.. haa.. yea! i did it baby.. i managed to see u off happily.. am i a good ger or wat.. haa.. but hell la.. after he turned his back and report to his platoon.. i was already almost drowning myself wif my own tears le.. wahahha.. kiddin la.. i manage to hold till i see his parents off.. haa..

baby.. baby.. im gonna see a baby boy change into a young man.. haa.. i cant wait for ur return.. pls be alright and take good care.. i wanna touch ur baby botak head.. haa.. i love u dear dear..

shall wait for ur cal tonite okies baby???

btw.. i jus heard a bike sound from downstairs.. and .. tots jus ran wild and.... tears.. argh..
im fine la baby.. :)
i will be..

2006-05-31T10:20:00.000+08:00

jus like the way my office lift lobby is sanitised and sweetly scented daily.. or so i guess.. but its gonna be the last day im here at the office doing basically nothing..yea feel bad too.. getting paid for nothing.. im jus checking mails and answering calls.. how else relaxed can i be.. or rather.. bored..

bah.. watever..

was reading xiaxue's blog yeaterday to get over some time.. and i jus came across some farni parts tt would like dear to hav a look too.. being too muddlehead and blur.. i jus spoke and commented on the post and he started to get blur.. like wat the hell ima toking about.. but before i could explain where i was coming from i was being shut off alr.. how nice.. yea.. its my fault however for being in my own world and being jus myself.. the blur nonsensical ger..

shall be back again..
going on a missiion for my boss..

baby i miss u.. imsorry for being mi..

2006-05-29T00:36:00.000+08:00

firstly.. jie.. wanna thank you for the msg.. and for reading my blog too.. haa.. i will take ur words in..

today is my momma's birthday.. and so.. we had made arrangements to hav dinner at my place nearby.. grandma treated.. yea she insisted.. and baby went wif us too.. too bad daddy wasnt there.. hmm.. a little bored.. but all went well..

dear sent my mom home after dinner.. can see the excited face.. got home later and den we gave her the present we bought the day before.. yea and she was glad wif the bag and wallet.. watched some tv and den we dozed off in my room. haa.. woken by bro soon though.. den soon i was sending dear off le..

baby.. i jus wanna say thank you again.. though i said many times le.. thankyou for making my popo and momma so happie.. they were so glad wif u ard more .. can u feel it? haa.. jus thank you.. and im sorry i almost coz the nite to end nastily.. but am thankful for ur assurance msg.. i jus needed that.. u know mi dear.. im sorry.. im jus to anxious to ket u know of the situation.. i dun wan any misunderstanding and spoil the nite last min.. thank you baby.. love you.. good night..

2006-05-27T03:53:00.000+08:00

baby..

i jus had a little arguement wif bro..
..
i miss you..

its hard.. its really hard.. for mi to try get all inside and not be able to let it out.. i used to think that listening to his side will do.. so long as i understand his reasons and explanations.. there's no need for him to understand how i feel.. coz i tot that was nv important..

but it seemed harder each time..

as i got to be so cautious.. of my every little action and make sure i wasnt too crude with my words or actions to provoke him further.. can u imagine? i cant even be myself when i quarrel or hav an arguement wif him.. i got to be careful.. jus so i dun irritate him further.. will he understand that? will he understand my effort? its not easy.. really..

the reason why? tts because im too scared of him.. im too scared of getting into a quarrel wif him.. coz its always not fair.. he always ALWAYS get his side of the story explained and understood.. but i was nv heard or understood.. and i hav to chose to go quiet.. why? coz its useless trying to explain to someone when he or she is already angry or not having an open mind to listen..

once i say something thats against him.. he will straight away shoot back wif his supporting reasons.. den when will i ever get my whole side of the picture out? why is it always u get to jus be yourself and be excused but when if im the one being myself.. i would be deemed as an "ah lian"? wun he be a gangster? wun he be the one irritating brat or watever names i wanna call? why is it that once u wan to talk u can talk.. but i gotta wait till u finish your say? why do i always hav to get ur picture but u can go without bothering bout how i feel when u said u did? wat gives u the rite to say i dun understand u when i too feel u do not understand mi too?

u are jus too emotional. too soft. u said u changed.. yea u did.. quite a fair bit i would say.. but its not enuff to keep u going if u still remain this persistent and stubborn and impatient im telling u.. u hav to know one thing.. that is.. if u wan to speak, that does not mean others hav got no choice but to listen.. this is reality. and not a forum.. where u can type and say all u wan and be hear.. and at least get things out.. u gotta learn how to analyse things and start looking at yourself.. its jus silly when we hav to be so precise and exact with our words..

i know u hav good vocab but dun hav to be so formal wif mi at home.. and pls dun always say i deny.. let mi ask u.. can u take it lying down if i were to keep insisting that u were denying yourself? i bet u would go crazy.. tts another one thing u've gotta change.. i took in all the shit u said bout mi.. but i bet u cant stay quiet and let others say things bout u.. u are.. jus so... explosive.. and to think u could even be so emotional that u teared upon not being able to explain yourself jus coz u cant remember things well.. let mi say one thing more.. if u can forget i can also forget things i wanna say to explain myself alrite.. so dun be selfish.. its jus getting more and more irritating if this goes one.. there can nv be one time when i would jus be myself explaining my arguements wif u.. i will always hav to hold a nice face for u.. so that i dun provoke u.. u see.. this is how scared i am of u.. but i din like it bro.. i miss da.. sometimes i think i leave a very bad impression on u.. to think u could actually tell mi that u imagine yourself strangling mi.. why? jus coz i stop u from carry on explaining? grow up la.. u said u change.. den try to analyse the situation ard u first can?

when was it the one time u would agree to my explainations? nv! u will always hav things to say.. but do u ever said anything bout urself? this is not mi when i quarrel or hav arguement.. this is not the way to go.. coz i cant get things off my chest that way.. i would nv be satisfied wif the ending.. u will always get ur thoughts out and den i will be left alone to cry the nite away and blame myself for not speaking and explaining for myself.. but would i rather u get more pissed and provoked? i think i love u too much to see u getting hurt or in pain.. to be giving in to u..

yea i ocnsider myself giving in to you.. coz i shut up and listen.. and its LISTEN not jus hear.. its always after the arguement i will be so unsatisfied wif myself but left wif no choice but to accept things the way it is.. why i always connect things from one situation to another? coz it would jus rake up the past from memories ago.. trying to use them as examples to show u how impossible can u be.. but its jus hard.. really.. i really hate this side of u.. u disgust mi..

wat hav i said to u to make mi deserve the ahlian title and those things u said bout mi denying myself and my character..ever thought how i would feel not? u are already throwing mi a challenge by saying all those.. imgaine i say all those bout u? u wun get angry ah? on top of that i already keep quiet and ask u to stop saying and explaining coz i hav no interest for know at the moment.. den u hav to force mi to listen by giving mi that crying face and saying wat not satisfied.. den wat? i satisfied ah? aint i supposed to be the one to talk? haiz.. all for jus wanting to ask u to let the matter rest and stop argueing?? isnt it fucked up? one word. fuck.. really.. u said u wanna give up on the relationship.. again u nv thought how i would feel den jus anyhow spout nonsense? u know how much that matters to mi? how sad it is to hear this shit? it jus show u dun care anymore.. can i say u dun care anymore? u nv once apologise for ur rashness or make mi feel u care bout the both of us.. to mi u are jus concern bout saving the misunderstanding and makeing urself in the clear again.. tts it... i really loved u too much.. im really disappointed.. im sorry man.. haiz..

theres jus too much to be jus typed out.. its hard.. pls say u dun mean it when u say u wanna give up.. its tiring.. to always be the one to initiate.. its tiring to try to accomodate all ALL the time.. i had enuff.. i was jus telling monica how close we were and things we do at nite together.. how i treasure u and things.. and this is happening.. yea u're jus making mi feel lousy and bad tts all.. u know it.. thanx ah..

2006-05-26T14:32:00.000+08:00

OFFICIAL! WORLD'S FUNNIEST JOKE

LONDON - British Association for the Advancement Of Science, in it's largest ever scientific study into humor, asked Internet users around the world to submit their favorite jokes and rate the funniness of other people's offerings.

After a year of more than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries and two critiques later, this is it:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operater: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator in a calm, soothing voices replies:
"Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"

- Reuters.

___________________________________

now i officially do not think that its the funniest joke ever.. but bah.. watever.. haa.. im jus rather bored in the office at the moment.. its ben confirmed.. i'll stop in the end of this month.. continuing to wat i wrote previously in the blog about decisions and confessions.. it turned out quite well for the conversation between mi and boss.. everything was understood well and there was agreement too.. yea but i still feel bad and rather rude.. to be behaving so undecisively.. to say come den come.. and go den go as and when i like.. i think personally that its a bad impression left.. but i cant help feeling irritated for getting paid but not doing any actual jobs at the moment.. waiting for emails only.. coz currently boss went overseas..

i miss my baby..

short story on the principals of working attitude

2006-05-25T15:24:00.000+08:00

The Uncommon Professional
The Uncommon Professional By Kenneth L. Shipley

I went to the dark end of the inventory shelves, pressed my forehead against the wall and indulged myself in a few moments of quiet despair. Was this the way it would be for the rest of my life? Here I was, two years out of school, working at yet another mindless, low-pay, dead-end job. Up to this point, I had avoided the question by just not thinking about it, but now, for some reason, the awful possibility had come crashing down on me. The thought sucked every bit of energy from my body. I clocked out sick, went home to bed, pulled the covers over my head, and tried to forget about tomorrow and all the tomorrows that would follow.

By morning I was a little more composed, but no less depressed. Listlessly, I went back to work and resumed my hopeless drudgery.

There were several new guys on the job that morning - temporary workers even lower on the totem pole than I was. One of them caught my eye. He was older than the others, and wearing a uniform. The company didn't issue uniforms - in fact, the company did not care what you wore as long as you showed up. But this guy was decked out in smartly pressed tan trousers and work shirt, complete with his name, Jim, embroidered on the pocket. I guess he supplied himself with the uniform.

I watched him all that day and the rest of the days he worked with us. He was never late or early. He worked at a steady, unhurried pace. He was friendly to everyone he worked with, but rarely talked while he was working. He took the designated breaks at midmorning and afternoon with everyone else, but unlike many others, he never lingered past the allotted time.

At lunchtime, some of the crew brown-bagged it, although most of us got our meals and drinks from the vending machines. Jim didn't do either. He ate his lunch from an old-fashioned steel lunch box and drank his coffee from a Thermos bottle - both of them well-worn with use. Sometimes people would be a little careless about cleaning up after they ate. Jim's place at the table was spotless, and, of course, he was always back on the line exactly on time. He wasn't just odd, he was outstanding - admirable!

He was the kind of worker managers dream of. Despite that, the other workers liked him, too. He didn't try to show anybody up. He did what was asked of him, no more, no less. He didn't gossip or complain or argue. He just did the job - common labor - with more personal dignity than I had believed was possible with this kind of low-level, grunt work.

His attitude and every action proclaimed that he was a professional. Labor might be common; he wasn't.

When the temporary work was finished, Jim left for another job, but the impression he made on me didn't. Even though I had never talked to him, he turned my head completely around. I did the best I could to follow his example.

I didn't buy a lunch box or a uniform, but I did start setting my own standards. I worked like a businessman fulfilling a contract, just the way Jim had done. To my great surprise, the managers noticed my new productivity and promoted me. A few years later, I promoted myself to a better-paying job with a different company. And so it went. Eventually, many companies and many years later, I started a business of my own.

Whatever success I've had has been the result of hard work and good luck, but I think the biggest part of my luck was the lesson I learned from Jim so long ago. Respect doesn't come from the kind of work you do; it comes from the way you do the work.

some food for thoughts.. for those of my close frens whu are about to embark on new endeavours of the working life.. take care..

2006-05-22T23:48:00.001+08:00

just when i thought that everything was finally settled, i realised there were more consequences.. i did not settled as well as expected afterall.. place and environment was still okie.. but its the atmosphere and the feeling it give mi.. the people.. it jus makes mi think how was i suppose to survive in that environment two three years down the road.. i know i cant jus make judgement being there only for the first day..

now the consideration part comes.. is it the future prospects factor or is it the environmental factor and the obstacles that i face now that matters? i do not know.. i really do not know.. if im the one advicing someone else.. i would advice on focusing on future prospects.. not on just the temporary surface..

i thank God for listening ears.. JW and monica and huifen jie.. mom dad and bro.. not forgetting my dearest.. thank you all people.. i feel i've bugged enuff people bout jobs and its really time for mi to decide for myself wat would come next.. but i jus sux at decision making.. sigh..

i jus feel i aint gonna pull through the confrontation tml.. oh gawd.. sigh... i need time..

hopefully i'd address the situation properly.. and all goes well.. baby.. i really thank God for u..

dear almighty.. i hope i would make the rite decision watever comes to mi tml..

**aini ger.. hows ya first day at work.. hope things are opposite for u and all is fine okies.. take care and miss ya...

sis i hope and earn to meet u up tml.. haiz.. baby.. i would like to hav u witness my working environment whether i stay on or not.. hee..
baby.. my only source of happiness now.. where i can fully relazx and jus be myself.. haiz..

its only less then three weeks more to go.. drats.. arghh..

confessions decisions and directions..

2006-05-22T23:48:00.000+08:00

just when i thought that everything was finally settled, i realised there were more consequences.. i did not settled as well as expected afterall.. place and environment was still okie.. but its the atmosphere and the feeling it give mi.. the people.. it jus makes mi think how was i suppose to survive in that environment two three years down the road.. i know i cant jus make judgement being there only for the first day..

now the consideration part comes.. is it the future prospects factor or is it the environmental factor and the obstacles that i face now that matters? i do not know.. i really do not know.. if im the one advicing someone else.. i would advice on focusing on future prospects.. not on just the temporary surface..

i thank God for listening ears.. JW and monica and huifen jie.. mom dad and bro.. not forgetting my dearest.. thank you all people.. i feel i've bugged enuff people bout jobs and its really time for mi to decide for myself wat would come next.. but i jus sux at decision making.. sigh..

i jus feel i aint gonna pull through the confrontation tml.. oh gawd.. sigh... i need time..

hopefully i'd address the situation properly.. and all goes well.. baby.. i really thank God for u..

dear almighty.. i hope i would make the rite decision watever comes to mi tml..

**aini ger.. hows ya first day at work.. hope things are opposite for u and all is fine okies.. take care and miss ya...
sis i hope and earn to meet u up tml.. haiz.. baby.. i would like to hav u witness my working environment whether i stay on or not.. hee..
baby.. my only source of happiness now.. where i can fully relazx and jus be myself.. haiz..

its only less then three weeks more to go.. drats.. arghh..

2006-05-20T04:54:00.000+08:00

met dear in the late afternoon.. went to the malls of parkway parade.. had the intentions to get new clothings for the start of work.. but failed to get any suitable ones.. jus cause im too small in size le.. haa.. it was a pleasant day afterall.. though i almost spoil the day.. hee..

baby bought some cuttlefish for popo.. we got the iron board cover for her too.. den baby bought mi a top from topshop.. hee.. i like it too.. jus din wanna waste money since we haven got much savings left... den baby bought mi an anklet.. aawww... so sweet rite.. haa.. its a nice treat from baby.. i got to eat my eclair too.. !! nice.. its expensive though..

tts bout all for the day.. baby's watching tv outside now so blogging while waiting for him to join mi in bed.. its gonna be in less then two more weeks before i start seeing less of dear and really putting myself into working life.. hmm.. gotta start telling myself to start sleeping early and not be late for work.. especially my workplace requires mi to walk quite a far bit in.. hmm.. any kindsouls wanna give mi a ride there and back?? im on nine to five daily.. haa..

also i received the letter for graduation ceremony le.. told fana i'd be going for it.. so hope to see my peeps there too.. other than the chalet too.. btw it started today le.. jus that i'd be joining them tml for the bbq.. gotta really get home early and start preparing for work le.. as soon as i start my "holidays".. its ending le.. hope i'll get used to it fast ba..

dear god.. as i place all my frens and loved ones in your hands.. i hope to see good things happening.. and that all will run smoothly for all.. one by one all will soon be embarking on new endeavours..

hmm.. my baby has checked in.. haa.. nite all..

2006-05-17T01:14:00.000+08:00

haven got a chance to really sit and talk wif dear.. for a moment i feel him disappearing and den he appeared at the park behind my flat.. already glad to see him so soon things got off my mind and he stayed over..

hmm.. jus got home from di's place.. watched 'hostel' and 'erotrip' or sumthin.. it was good.. both of them.. haa.. was suppose to be a swimming and gym day.. but things din jus go as planned.. as always.. so we head off to town for my bro's phone collection.. den to ah boy motor shop.. baby jus got a new helmet.. haa.. no time for shootin of pics.. but anyway.. shall post up some if im not too lazy.. haa..

mean time im gonna hav another interview tml for di's mum.. hope to let all run well and smoothly.. so i can soon embark on my working life.. wahahha.. hmm.. although its scary.. oh well..

tts all for now.. ima gonna check my mails den off to lala land.. haa..
class chalet this fri.. hmm..

call mi baby..
huggies..

2006-05-14T02:03:00.000+08:00

been quite awhile since i got down to blogging again... busy wif the interviews i got from UOB.. hoping to get settled down somewhere fast.. though i hav got the jitters for them too..

was away from the com to get koko krunch for my bro.. haa.. not forgetting kino's share.. haa.. but without the milk.. he likes it that way.. hmm anyway.. back to my interviews.. got a cal from the HR on monday.. so i went down on tue.. was told i'd get a reply by the next week fri but they called mi up rite the next day.. so i had my second interview on thurs.. now waiting for their call.. but i know i din do well for my second interview though..

got to know quite a few new frens there at serangoon sushi tei.. its really a nice place to work at.. but its never easy to try blend in to a new environment.. wif new people.. its jus that i've seen a few situations where ppl badmouthed others.. bah... not my type of clicks i would say..

hmm knocked off today to see kor outside the doors of sushi tei hee.. so glad.. it really feels good to see a familiar face outside ur workplace to see u or pick u up.. haa.. it would be better though if its dear.. but anyways.. had my greetings at the pub den kor sent mi to the busstop den said bye le.. on my way home at tpy bus interchange.. i had an encounter wif a mad woman.. oh god i think i can call her the fruit swearing lady.. as i was walking through the underpass i noticed this old lady.. den as i went ahead of her.. she actually began to go 'tsk tsk tsk.. woot!woot! squeeze!! watermelon juice.. watermelon juice!! ' and i can tell u its the swearing tone she's using.. tts the reason why i said she's the fruit swearing lady.. haa.. all the way till the busstop.. till i manage to shake her off.. when my bus arrived.. haa.. damn.. she even spat lo.. lucky thing not in my direction.. haa..

k la.. my bro has been disturbing my and wanting the com.. baby.. jus a note to u in case u read it.. do take care and lemme accompany u to the doc if u're anywhere not feeling well okeis.. nite baby.. sweet dreams..
ring mi.. anytime if u need to.. im here..

2006-05-06T02:18:00.000+08:00

its dearies mama birthday today.. i went home to get changed after work and brought the present and two mangoes for dear along wif mi.. had a hard time trying to flag for a taxi.. finally reached dear's place an glad i wasnt the last one their waiting for afterall..

we had dinner at the no signboard seafood restaurant.. crabs was good.. the deep fried cereal prawn was good too.. i tasted the fried cereal only though.. during the dinner.. i felt i was getting quite an attention.. which i din feel really good.. coz it was suppose to be his mama's day not mine.. we were talking about jobs and salaries and stuff.. yea.. and both his jie were so enthu bout giving mi tips on how to go about getting a higher pay..

went back to his place and watch tv.. danny came.. i din know till he arrived.. baby prolly called mi over ba.. watever.. chatted.. and jus when we were bout to leave.. i had to spoil things again.. its jus a big mistake not to think through ur head before u speak.. it brings about a misunderstanding and lots of explaination which can be tiring.. and brings down my self confidence and esteem too.. its the first time ever im publishing that fact bout myself.. watever.. im jus too tired to keep trying so hard to make someone understand by explaining so much without getting much in return.. but its been always the case.. so shouldnt i be already comfortable wif this habit? haiz.. i need to slp.. i hope for a better tml..

im sorry baby.. i know this is prolly the hundredth time i apologise.. tell mi a better thing to say.. love you still..

nite.

2006-05-05T01:53:00.000+08:00

many people been asking if hav i found a job yet.. or rather settled down wif the rite and suitable job yet.. the answer is no.. i hav not.. and many hav also scolded mi stewpit to give up a chance to go for an interview for UOB when they called mi up.. and now i hav to wait for them to return call.. which is something very unlikely to happen.. .oh gawwd..

so rite now im settling down back wif my old part time job as a waitress in sushi tei.. except that its at serangoon gardens.. no longer fareast.. i miss my gers at fareast.. aww...

i worked upstairs today at the tatami room.. its so fun.. to open the lift and take out the food.. and get ur orders through ordering digitally.. haa.. its fun.. heard that they are going to change all outlet's uniform soon.. inbout two weeks time??
haa. i hope i dun look too kiddy in it.. im kiddy enuff le..

baby came to fetch mi up today after work.. and we went to orchard.. its been a long time since i last walked orchard.. jus walking down the streets wif dear make mi feel so blessed.. its been real long.. hee.. we caught a movie at cine too.. Mission Impossible 3.. its a good show.. worth every cent.. keeps u in suspense all the way.. yea..

speaking of which.. my dearest yiling ger was at cine today as well.. but oh well.. we din bump into each other.. she caught the Hostel wif her dearie.. and damn! its rated R21.. and she managed to sneak in all fine!! i wanted to watch it too.. damn!! but its a sure thing i would be thoroughly checked first.. haa.. shit..

haiz.. its been a tiring day.. but i enjoyed my day to the fullest.. thanx baby.. tml is dear's mom's birthday.. though she wun be seeing this.. i us wanna wish her a big happie birthday and nian nian you jing ri.. fu ru dong hai.. shou bi nan shan.. shen ti jian kang.. :) will be having dinner over wif dearie's family tml after work.. :) sure im heading home for a bath first.. haa.. else i'll smell of sashimi and sushi rice all over..

nite all..
huggies..

2006-05-01T02:46:00.000+08:00

been working four days at serangoon le.. and today's the first day i got to work wif jingwen.. happie.. and its not that stressed wif her ard afterall.. went to cafecartel after closing and chilled.. got to realise that our supervisor knew a fren there and we get not discounted, but free food.. haa..
wat do i do on my 21st turnoveR? not planned for the moment.. maybe go on a short holiday.. wif dear.. hmm.. however i got to attend my old sec sch gd fren clarice's 21st birthday yesterday.. met up wif sis rite after we both got off work.. and took a cab down to pasir ris.. it was kinda last min wif our pretzies and wrapping paper and cards.. dear and danny was already there.. glad that i attended it though we were all tired and reluctant to go down initially.. im jus glad to realise she even got to already introduce her bf to her family.. no more doing things secretly le.. but there was some weird atmosphere there.. shant prob too much..

got dear to spend the nite wif mi last nite.. i jus wan him over esp last nite.. no particular reason.. and dear did jus so.. :) thanx baby.. hope i din drool too much to scare u off.. hee.. rest well baby.. drink plenty of water.. dun wan u sick before enlisting..

take care peeps..

2006-04-26T19:20:00.000+08:00

forgot to post.. baby said my new blog skin was nice! haa.. i bet its coz of the color ba.. it used to b dull and black.. haa.. thanx baby..

one thing good to start with.. im early!! wasnt late for work! yea.. gotta thank baby for sending mi to work..

today was not quite packed..but its already considered super busy for mi..got so much to learn.. the places where things can be found.. the way of ordering.. haa.. but it was definitely fun.. a totally different environment from my previous outlet.. seem to forgot all the ropes and tactics of working in sushi tei le.. gonna see jw this sunday evening.. haa..

gotta depend on myself for not being late tml le.. and jus when i started to hav a part time.. i got replies from my agent.. and UOB jus asked mi down for an interview tml.. i knew tt its gonna come all one shot.. i jus hate decisions ..

was trying to keep cool and hope that baby u would slowly stop flaring up at mi.. was so close to shaking off my tears till u asked why i cry.. but im sorry for making silly predictions bout wat im planning to do in future.. i was jus.. haiz.. but thanx for waking mi up and telling mi how difficult it is to be.. ... huggies..

2006-04-25T03:00:00.000+08:00

starting work this wed.. hope to bump into jw soon.. and give her a surprise.. haa.. haiz.. its been a long time.. hope its still manageable there ba..

i miss all my frens.. been stuck home for quite awhile le.. hmm..

how hav u been sis.. dun work so hard till u've got no time for urself.. and aini ger.. lets try to make some time to meet up and catch up okies.. jw haa.. sure bump into u one of these days.. yiling ger.. remember our promise our goal okies..and when wanna bring mi out for nite supper.. haa.. fana darlin.. got any job yet so far?? and monica jie.. when go tpy walk walk.. and jeremy kor.. ord liaoz.. haa.. when bring mi out for a ride.. haa.. shiok liao lo.. my dear going in soon ah.. sobzsobz.. and ryan do take care of urself while shooting and serving ns and working part time ah.. haa..

lastly.. my dear.. though i hope to have more time wif u too.. more sincerely.. i hope u would stay home and spend more time wif ur mama and family.. time is nv enuff.. haiz.. haa.. pls take care of urself.. slp more regularly okies baby.. though i know theres ur frens and bros.. haa.. i hope to still see more of u while we can.. okies?? i've been missing u baby.. so much.. love u..

* i need to correct my msg last nite.. not jus on ur part but i hope we can help each other to get our day and nite correct.

theres so many movies i wanna watch.. most of them out in may.. hopefully then, i can get to see dear more often le.. :)
*Mirrormask
*Hostel
*Black Night
*Reincarnation
*Inside Man
*Mission Impossible 3
*When A Stranger Calls
*The Da Vinci Code

2006-04-23T18:26:00.000+08:00

rite.. my connection is down for the meantime.. coz we missed the bills for two months.. and im blogging illegally now.. haa..

since the day i went out wif yiling. she's been helping mi alot wif the seraching of jobs.. and kept introducing mi lots.. jus dun understand why she can get so many list of them while i cant.. realyl thanked her for all the help..

jus the other nite i was on the phone wif dear.. and i can tell u.. its rare to hav him callin in the middle of the nite and chat.. we chatted long into the nite.. though there was a little misunderstanding.. and mi messing up the conversation even more.. i know that on the whole, dear cared for mi.. that explains why he desperately wans mi to understand his point of view.. but i fali to let him understand that all i did was actually to try make myself available for him at this point of time.. even though at the end of the day i still did not meet him.. im still happie coz i know im there if he needs mi or wat.. so that's partly the reason why i kept rejecting the offers to work.. im sorry baby.. i understand where u're coming from okies..

jus this morning.. my ex manager called mi up to ask if i still available for a job.. he asked mi to go back to help him out at his outlet.. haa.. so happie but im still considering.. hope i can make my decision fast..

last nite went out to meet danny.. intention was to go find dear and hav dinner wif him de.. but baby had his already.. so we're left alone.. we ended dinning at burger king.. den we went to the fountain of wealth and chill.. listened to the songs there and chat wif him.. made a song dedication too! haa.. my first time.. but baby couldnt hear.. hmm.. anyway.. hope to get a job soon.. for the sake of money and also still make myself available for baby..

take care all frens.. esp to my poly mates.. heard theres gonna b a chalet coming soon.. :)

damn happie.. wee..

2006-04-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

today was a day not wasted at all.. got to meet up wif my good old fren.. yiling ger.. spent time catching up alot.. haa.. vice versa and not jus mi talking all the way.. haa.. met her after her last day of work today for her part time.. den we went down to tampines to sign up at the agencies for yet another assignment.. hope they will reply soon.. coz i really 'liong' le..haa a new word from her.. haa.. hope this time can get to work wif her together again.. btw the guy who attended to us at the agency was yiling's agent.. din know the agents there were all handsome and pretty.. yea all of them.. prety and handsome.. haa.. and so was ours.. haa..

fana ger and sis called and msg mi too while i was on the way to the agencies.. haa.. glad to hear from them.. and sis im sorry i cant accompany u down there.. but its gonna be a painful experience lei.. but u will look nice la.. haa.. next time u bring mi down ba.. okies.. haa.. save up first.. haa.. we mus save up den can go shopping soon!!

and celine.. thanx for introducing mi the HR assistant job.. haa.. i willl get back to u as soon as i hav any other news okies.. thanx.. and take care in the meantime..

hmm.. we walk alot today.. century square and tampines mall..and to plaza sing haa.. den came across the self recording company.. haa.. so damn excited lo.. the package was so attractive.. i really wanna do so.. if only i hav the ability to do so.. i would put my name down for an appointment le.. haa.. i wish.. i wanna do big.. strike it rich..dan hav lots of money.. i wan to be able to buy clothes and new shoes and all without having to look at the price tags!! haa.. possible ma...hope im not jus dreaming.. but den again.. money isnt everything either.. haiz.. yiling.. we will try to go back there and do recording together okies.. promise.. :) oh gawd.. 4songs for the price of 100 bucks.. plus pro song editing, cd cover design, plus menu list.. hmm.. i wanna go.. argh..
baby wans to support mi there too.. but haiz.. dunno lei..
its jus a long awaited dream that i've nv spoken to anyone about.. hoping to get an album of my very own.. hmmmm... i wan a sugar daddy..

anyway.. wanna start working and save up for alot of things le.. hmm..
i miss u baby.. been real long since we last went out for a walk le.. hmm.. miss you.. so much.. hope u enjoyed today too..

2006-04-17T02:37:00.000+08:00

went ubin last friday.. finally get to see baby.. danny and di, di's mum came along too.. wif two other frens.. so a total of 7 of us.. reached ubin n it started to drizzle and we were greeted with a big crowd.. totally lost interest in cycling le.. the crowd and the people, the rain.. and the slippery roads making mi feel irritated.. and my bike isnt suitable either.. so i dropped the idea of cycling altogether.. decided to head back to stay wif auntie and her two frens.. so dear and the rest accompanied mi back.. im such a pain.. i know.

stayed at the seafood centre while waiting for the rest.. and mean while enjoyed talking wif his mum and we even got to know another 'angmoh' couple there too.. throughout the whole conversation, i was full of respect and admiration for her knowledge and the interest in so many languages.. she is one woman of a career and mother.. but she has a strong persistent character as well.. haa.. everyone has got their bad sides.. besides i was asked to help out at her company in the meantime.. will get to know her better.. but will consider first..

had dinner at di's place.. dinner was tempting and lip-smackin.. i guess its prolly coz i haven had home cooked meals for long le ba.. it was jus great.. i helped myself to the dishes alot.. hee.. den decided to stay out that nite.. yea coz of a silly call.. watever..

went dear's place stay over wif our self created queen-sized bed.. we slept like babies.. haa..
baby cooked mi meefen soup.. my favourite.. and had beancurd too.. i still hungwee so had more biscuits.. den watched vcd till we knocked off to dreamland.. haa..

dunno why but i gotta say i felt especially good that nite.. all the little actions done.. i felt more of dear.. in a way i feel more loved and pampered.. from the way he placed the tissue box for my ease at nite.. to tucking mi in.. and cooking for mi.. jus feel good.. thank you baby.. im glad that its one day i din do anything stewpit to spoilt any of our mood.. :)

i love you..

baby jus droped by wif cunxi too..

nite..

2006-04-12T04:15:00.000+08:00

sometimes.. life is just..
u cant make someone love u..
u can only be someone whu can be loved..
the rest is up to the person to realise ur worth..

baby.. somehow i feel you're still awake.. are u?? its 4.27am le.. still fidgeting in bed.. so got up to blog an entry.. din wan to msg u or i might wake u up.. wat are u doing baby??

woke up ard 3pm and went downstairs to meet danny kor.. pei mi hav lunch.. we went to the place i long wanted to bring dear there to eat de.. but nv seem to hav the chance to do so.. weird hor?

chat wif joe on msn jus now.. got to know more bout him.. and his past relationship.. this thing between bros and gfs.. how to chose between them?? its jus like how often i used to ask dear.. if one day both mi and his mum fall into the sea.. whu will he save first?? how do u make a decision between those?? weight them on who's more important? its gonna be unfair.. and its really sad if we as gf keep insisting that they make a choice between the both..

anyways.. gotta thank eileen for giving mi the agencies contact.. im gonna cal them up to ask bout the part time job.. hope i really get to do some work.. getting kinda sick and tired of nowadays le.. meeting jw tml evening.. hope yiling is doing fine.. and sis dun over work.. monica jie found job le ma?? miss all my sch mates too.. hope all's doing fine..

lastly, i miss u baby.. i dun feel good.. dun know why..

2006-04-10T20:29:00.000+08:00

baby jus went home.. sent baby downstairs.. dunno why but i've been feeling down for the whole day alr.. slpt ard 4am last nite.. yea once i hit the bed.. i fall into dreamland rite away.. tts how tired i am.. woke up this afternoon.. to see baby looking at mi.. feels good.. wish i can wake up everyday this way.. we had coco crunch and later baby cooked meefen tang for mi.. jus like it so much.. but its different eating it at my place compared to his room.. watch tv and more tv.. tts all we do the whole day.. though i love to jus slack and do nothing.. but somehow i jus feel as the hrs passed.. i seem to be in a bad mood.. wanna apologise for my attitude behaviour temper or mood.. or watever u cal it.. haiz..

well yesterday.. woke up waay early to meet yiling ger.. went to attend the GB gers enrolment service..met up wif peiyun diana and agnes.. these few of us are the left overs.. haa.. met ms amy and ms tay too.. heard alot of things and updated myself bout the gers too.. anyway.. its been a real long time since i last went back to GB le..

after the whole thing.. we were hungwee so head to our old place for tom yum fried fish noodles.. haa.. den went to walk walk lo.. caught up wif yiling too.. and was really taken aback by her situation.. or plight maybe.. ger i hope you dun feel so caught up in time to come.. and do take care of yourself and dun over work too.. and thanx for sharing.. really feel honoured.. coz its been really long since we last met le.. and im jus glad that nothing has changed much..
i appreciate your trust for mi as much as u do likewise.. take care ger.. keep in touch again okies.. oh ya.. do rem to intro mi to ur wonderful instructor kkz.. haa..

left yiling at the platform and went to look for dear.. had dinner wif him and pei him till after work.. den bought sushi.. haa.. our timing was so rite.. the moment we reached the bottom the announcement came on saying all sushi is half priced!! so we bought some home.. tts how baby stayed over..

baby lets not take advantage of staying over till the extend where u will feel sian coming over okies.. dun wish for that day to come.. but its true that you've been staying out almost every other day loh.. i bet your mum would be so sad not to be able to see you staying home accompanying her.. baby.. i do like u over definitely.. but i hope we do not do it too often till u feel sian.. understand ma?? it would not be better off without u at my place.. i would definitely feel worser today.. im sorry.. i love you..

2006-04-08T11:41:00.000+08:00

got home early this morning @ 830am.. yawnz..
went out late last nite pubbing at our cosy bar again.. had martel.. and btw the food there is goood too.. cheesy fries and fried chicken wings.. no neeed any chillies for tasting.. its good enuff alone! haa.. den went over to di's place and all of us went crazy doing our very own 'ba sian guo hai' 'da zhong xiao' and many more.. haa.. shall upload the pics sooon.. haa.. barely slpt the previous nite.. so i got up in time to wake bro up for his bb.. together we took a cab back home..

had real good time together wif them.. really happie for this period of time.. though im not really doing anything at this period of time.. im actually taking this opportunity to meet up wif my old frens again ba.. recently jus the other day i met up wif monica jie.. haa.. and glad to know that i still got u to back mi up in times of need.. thanx jie.. and sis.. after alot of procrastinating during our sch times huh?! hee.. we got our deal of time together. yea but i know its not enuff.. not forgetting yiling ger.. im gonna meet up wif her tml le.. and of coz my jiaren danny cunxi and baby.. frens are really great siblings that God had forgotten to give us.. :)

since the day i got to know of dear's nsf enlistment arrived, i've been feeling more emo.. more dependent.. more soft.. and vulnerable.. haa.. is it all the pre-effect? dunno but i jus dun wanna keep counting down to it.. haiz.. baby..

and before i sign off to lalaland.. here's wat i jus did for 'Who's your type?'......

**If he's conservative, friendly, and proper, he's just your sort! You fall hard and fast for the preppy man. Whether it's because of his handsome appearance or his impeccable hygiene, this man is a safe bet! He's fun and social without being immature or laddish. Your man is refined, associates with a refined crowd, and has a bit of an air tossed in for good measure. This suburban male is always put together well. He's simply cool, calm, and collected. Another quality that draws you to him is his ambition. He aims for success and follows the path that will lead him there. You respect how he always makes time for his friends and has a tendency to be a little silly. With this cheeky, well-groomed, man, you can rest assured that your life will be a dream!**

try it!!

http://uk.tickle.com/test/whosyourtypem/select.html

[rite at the back of my head.. ah di.. watever ur mum has in hands for u.. i believe its for the sake of ur future too.. really think through wat u hav in mind and share it wif ur mum okies.. she will listen.. if u use the soft approach.. dun let her see ur stubborn side.. we all hope for the better for u.. huggies..]

2006-04-05T16:56:00.000+08:00

im exhausted.. not from the time i spent wif sis over the past one day.. but the fact that i got stuck outside my home.. coz i forgot to bring my keys out along with mi.. and due to desperate need of toilet.. i reached for a hanger from grandma's room window and twisted it long enuff to hook out the keys from my room window.. thank God my window isnt locked.. if not i would've pee-ed outside my home.. altogether i took almost half hr outside my house.. others might think im a robber or wat.. haa..

went out yesterday in the afternoon to meet sis.. after accompanying granny to the ntuc to get some groceries.. since i was running late again.. pushed time back half hr meeting her.. den bath and rushed out.. but instead of swimming we were caught stuck in J8 walking ard.. coz of the rain.. argh!! and so.. we went window shopping.. haa.. yea while still wearing our swim suit inside.. and den.. we tot of another nasty idea.. and so.. we head to the highest floor.. and den.. we end up buying tics to two movies show.. wahahha.. not one but two.. haa.. "Ultravoilet" and "The Hills Have Eyes".. their good.. hee.. especially the latter.. its not really a horror show but puts u in suspense and excitement.. and gets u real violent.. till a certain extent mi and sis was even enjoying the hacking of monsters body that part.. haa.. gruesome.. and definitely not for the faint hearted. haa.. ok enuff advertising for the show.. haa..

den we went to grad a bite at ThaiExpress.. there the service so so .. food also ok la.. but the dessert there was good.. haa.. and after ordering our food den we realise our show will be on in like fifteen minutes.. so bein us silly gers.. we rushed through our hot food and even managed to still chat along the way.. haa.. den rushed in for our show.. and den.. being the silly us.. we still tot the swimming complex is open.. so we rushed there but to our dismay.. the guy actually close the door and shut the gates in front of us! @#$^*! and den.. haiz.. decided to stay over her place loh.. since i din wanna go home as yet..

but i think it was the wrong day to stay out ba.. i din feel good rite after dad's call.. and sis ask wats wrong when she came in so i guess she prolly knew something was wrong.. watched vcd den chat a little den off to lala land for sis.. guess i was left on the wrong note to myself to slp.. no matter how i stop myself from fidgetting and opening my eyes.. i jus couldnt get to slp.. its jus not the time for mi to slp yet.. its onli 1230am!! and still so far away from my slping time.. den thoughts wondered.. den i teared.. coz its as though.. i felt all the possibilities of lost and lonliness all in one nite.. on the thought that if dear was already in army.. den i missed dear..so badly i teared.. all the way.. till bout 2 plus before i finally msg dear.. phone gave up on mi rite after i sent the msg.. sad.. but however.. i still felt that dear did reply to my msg.. and so it jus help to make mi feel better.. thanx baby!

this morning woke up ard the same timing as sis.. washed up den head off to yck pool.. haa.. we finally had our swim..haa..

can say i had great fun when wif sis.. but theres jus one thing bugging mi.. and thats the money matter.. its not mi to be taking treats from ppl all the time.. same as her.. coz i noe we both like to treat our frens.. but everything i eat i spent on was on her yesterday.. and for that i really feel bad.. think of the past.. when i was the one to help support her a little here and there.. haa.. wat goes ard comes ard.. really grateful for her.. but maybe its jus that im not used to the fact that i can no longer treat le ba.. anyway.. thanx sis..

baby.. i missed u.. so so much..

2006-04-02T04:54:00.000+08:00

couldnt get to slp and its in wee hours of the nite.. wrote dear an email.. he's over at malaysia rite now.. hope he returns home to Singapore soon..

went to sch friday morning at 1030am to meet Mr Lee for my testimonial.. so happie he got it done for mi.. also got to realise tt im the first one whu actually approach him for the testimonial.. seem so kisau.. haa.. watever.. den took a train back to bishan to get carrot cake.. den to dear's place.. hee.. my baby still sleeping when i arrived.. so his mom opened door for mi.. haa.. thanx..

woke baby up and fed him carrot cake.. haa.. without him brushing his teeth yet.. haa.. his gonna kill mi if he come across this entry.. haa.. den slacked.. watch tv and i eventually slept ard afternoon.. coz i actually only slept ard 6am in the morning the previous nite.. had two dreams and one of which was baby out to a football match wif someone whom i felt envy and jealousy for.. haa.. shall not spill a word.. shhhh... haa..

had dinner and bought meefen so i can cook at home.. den bought icecreams for his jiaren too at his provision shop near his home there.... haa.. we made a trip to kor place ard 1030pm.. and watch two vcds before baby sent mi home.. thanx sweetie.. u always volunteered to give mi rides home whether im outside or from sch or anywhere.. and i really appreciate that.. this i know not all boyfrens do.. hee.. time for mi to show off alittle.. haa.. baby will also wilingly bring mi to supper if im hungwee even in the middle of the nite.. haa.. all these and despite the laziness in him.. haa.. my baby...

baby.. come back fast k.. take care..

2006-03-31T13:49:00.000+08:00

this is the pic of all of us.. jiaren.. haa..

2006-03-31T02:48:00.000+08:00

jus came back from chalet earlier this afternoon.. tired.. but had fun throughout.. during chalet sis joined us in the later nite on the first day after her work.. asri joined us later on the third day too..

activities we had.. cycling.. rollerblading.. swimming.. (almost everynite man..) wildwildwet.. this time no go escape.. ah di's mum came over the first evening.. bringing food over too.. there was fried rice.. hotdog cheese.. fried beefballs.. (their good..) dumpling and chicken wings.. really gotta thank her for all the food.. it kept us full till the next day man..

other past times were spent arcading.. in our room playing xbox.. or drinking away and playing cards.. mahjong and snake and ladder.. haa.. tts an old but all time fun game though.. most interesting happenings were nothing much.. except that i bath wif sis.. haa. recalling back the previous time i did that was ten years back.. when im 11 yrs ba.. haa.. girls to ladies.. haa..

shall not talk much but let the photos do the job..

but before i carry on.. i would like to sincerely apologise on the last nite for pissing dear off for certain actions that i made.. i dun push the blame on the fact that i drank.. coz i know im still wif my senses.. its jus.. it was meant to be an action on purpose.. i do know wat im doing.. jus that i seem to be rather high only.. and that triggered dear to take a stick.. though baby said i wasnt the main cause.. i know.. we all know.. its coz of mi.. baby din wanna make it big so i promised not to mention it again.. jus felt i shouldnt have been so misbehaving.. haiz..

and as for today.. the moment its time to go home.. i knew things aint gonna go anywhere good.. haiz.. and true enuff.. came home had a squibble wif popo.. shant go in details.. did my bedsheets.. unpack my dirty clothes and washed them.. bathed and masked my hair.. ate noodles.. watched tv.. took a nap at 7 till 8pm.. den went downstairs to help ma carry things again.. watched more tv.. dad came home.. tts when it happen..

i quarreled wif mom.. dad din say much though.. fucking bitch always wanna be the good person den everything push to dad.. its the silent attack again.. dunno how to explain.. haiz.. everything was still fine initially.. jus hate it when i hav the mood to talk and discuss things wif then and not get their support.. and they still make it seem like they care alot for u and all the hypocritical shit when they dunno much bout u.. jus makes mi feel so wrong to talk to them at times.. till i even wondered if am i still considered a part of the family.. sometimes its jus the weird feeling..

told mom apart from family.. its dear that i feel is the closest to me already.. that also wrong meh? at least im telling the truth and not like her going behind ppl's back and say things.. fuck it. i know.. i know wat she's thinking.. in her heart she mus be swearing.. saying im stewpit and that i should put family first.. blah blah..

at times its not that i purposely wan to rebel or wat.. i mean i dun like the fact that stewpitfarking bitch cant tell mi straight in the face.. den mus go behind my back.. and do shit. den not enuff.. from one thing can say till another.. say i dun care family.. and bro.. and i only know how to go out play.. cmon i go out for wat wif whu she also dunno.. not dunno.. i think she dun even bother to know.. den carry on say my frens.. mumberone target is .. haiz.. damn saddening la.. dun wanna disclose.. but it jsu makes mi wonder wat the hell in the world is those sickening logic she talked about.. i mean she dun even know mi well.. how to go ard describing my frens.. den start stereo typing misay i dun like to pick up calls from home.. describe till i machiam a small ah lian trying to get attention or run away from home?? grow up man.. get a life!!

suddenly i feel its all coming back again.. dunno how to communcate wif them again.. all of them.. outcasted?? haiz..

sis carry mi in the pool..

five of us.. with an alien twist..

five of us..

all the drinks are mine!!

the best customer award year 2006..

my baby resting..

all thanx to these.. we were kept busy in the nite..

our food supply for five days..

our dinner on the second nite..

hungwee sis..

freeze.. or i'll shoot!!

swinging in the playground..

lastly my fav pic..

world war.. going on..

2006-03-25T02:42:00.000+08:00

mom and dad seem to hav some disagreement.. till bro got dragged in as well.. its all coz of a phone call or a simple msg.. there is serious communication problem going on in my family..

bro called it the silent attacker.. which means to say mom goes on complaining about her life and stress and heavy responsibilities and loneliness.. and indirectly blaming it all on dad.. wif my bro coming in between the both to try and help to stop them.. ended up getting himself involved..

actually.. its all very true.. all it takes for a couple to last and maintain a strong relationship.. is trust.. but mom seem to be expecting more.. she demands that dad reports of his every move to her.. even after dad apologise.. she cant take it lying down.. and has to carry on wif her silent attack.. but the most fundamental issue here is actually understanding.. if being together for years doesnt help each other understand each other better.. den there must be serious problem going on.. if one has a function going on and happily attends to his programs.. it might slip off one's mind to msg the other of his wherabouts.. that is his mistake.. but being the other understanding half.. shouldnt it be a minor problem only? it should be understood between each other.. den there will not be any misunderstandings le..

haiz.. but from an onlookers point of view.. i can conclude on one thing, that is my bro should not have interupted at all from the beginning.. why?? tts because mom has a high sense of pride.. and having to quarrel infront of kids and having her kids speaking up but not for her.. she would not know how to get off the stage.. tts because she gets embarassed.. as a matter of fact.. den she will rake up the past and start the ball rolling again.. haiz.. but given mi.. i would also hav spoken up for dad.. poor dad.. always giving in and especially at the wrong time always.. haiz..

this brings mi to think about wat happened jus the other nite.. hav i been demanding much from dear as well.. hav i been growing towards an unwanted behaviour jus like mom unknowingly? its scary.. it seems easy to jus say that all it takes is understanding between one another.. but actually putting it into action is not that simple.. jus need to know that im in good hands.. i wan dear not to allow mi to change.. but im sorry if i had been unreasonable to u.. its jus i hope that our talks would not go to waste.. coz i wan u to know.. i care for u.. it hurts when i jus .. jus only.. jus mention about things.. den without warning u straightaway do silly things.. u understand dear?? im sorry and i love you..

2006-03-24T02:35:00.000+08:00

met up wif sis.. like finally.. after procrastinating for so long.. chalet for a 5d4n has been booked.. this coming sun onwards.. ima gonna make it my most enjoyable one.. this would most probably be the last chalet that dear be having before his ns ba..

went to easb today..its a university in singapore although not very well established as SIM or SMU.. haa. but it has got wat sis and i wanted.. if not for the wakening talk i had wif dear.. i would seriously most probably enrol without second thoughts.. though i dun mind ppl's opinion on mi.. but of all ppl it has to be dear to mistake mi for following others in their footsteps.. its been a long ago dream to be able to study in shatec or in relevant hotel industry.. so much said.. but jus one sentence from dear.. can really pull mi down.. its jus the way u tok sense to mi.. to u it may seem like u're jus giving ur opinion.. yea.. its wat i wan afterall.. ur opinion.. but i feel u putting mi down in a way i cant bring myself up to explain.. why has these kinda things been happening recently? haix.. and im sorry i gotta apologise sincerely.. for having to blog and give dear silly thoughts.. its my fault.. but its a blog afterall rite?? whu goes for spelling errors after an entry?? i dun.. jus so glad things are settled.. really..

but at one point in time.. i jus got to be reminded of wat would it be if things are different.. if i hav the same big temper as dear.. and if i dun like talking things out.. and like quarreling instead.. would we hav lasted this long?? yea.. its jus being me.. i love thinking about lotsa silly things.. i tot if it was the reverse way.. den i wondered how long will i be able to keep it in mi..

k la.. back to today.. had nydc after like so so long.. haa.. missed my cousin jeremy kor.. haa.. had the oven baked specialty hawaiian.. while my dear ger had the wat was tt?? er.. something eye one.. haa.. forgot the name le.. thanx sis for the nice treat okies.. till i get my pay after starting my job.. haa.. it'ss be my turn to treat u le.. hee..we go suntec the congress kopitiam there okies.. haa.. or cartel.. or sushi tei.. haa.. went play pool after dinner.. the whole place was empty.. jus all to ourselves.. haa.. make us wanna go chiong.. haa.. but song there abit kuku la.. and throughout the whole time.. i managed to stay cool and though everything was fine.. till sis even said i seem so nonchalent about wat happen between mi and dear.. haa.. but i was jus thinking bout dear.. though i did not show it out.. bet sis knew but jus din say out ba.. bad at explaining things.. jus glad sis was there wif mi loh.. shared stories.. enjoyed today.. except that dear wasnt wif a happie heart..

den took bus 162 wif sis to esplanade.. den 70 to his place.. glad i made the trip.. coz we trashed things out and managed to settle things.. though conversation wasnt good.. but thank God things turned out fine.. gonna go slp le.. and meet dear in dreamland..

2006-03-23T01:33:00.000+08:00

time's 1.36am..

waited for my turn to use the lappy.. yea coz im too lazy to turn on the old com.. dear sent mi home after 9pm show.. den he should be hanging out wif danny and the rest at the pub..hope he returns home early.. din get to meet sis afterall.. dunno if will we meet up tml also.. but no idea to go where though.. and worst of all.. no cash.. dotz.. jus worry about baby.. when will you ever learn to rest early.. and improve on your health.. jus hate to see you feelin insecure bout yourself..

recently been feeling unsure.. of the future.. stepping into adult working life soon.. seem so fast.. yet i dun hav any goals or ambitions which could spur mi on.. which makes mi feel so lost at times.. theres jus too many things to worry about in life.. exams are long over for mi.. family had been on track.. other den the occasional squibbles here and there.. work.. and money.. frens and love.. haa.. guess it should be too much of slacking and rotting at home that makes mi feel like i've been wasting time away.. thus thinking too much.. i hope to get something acheived for everyday.. even a simple task at least.. haiz.. but it seemed impossible coz i got too much wants to do le..

okies.. enuff bout silly thoughts..

lets talk bout recently.. been meeting up wif jw..glad i caught up wif her and got her to share wif mi her recent being..definitely hope for the better for her.. even been to her place the other nite..

supposedly, was to meet up wif june today.. but she got two interviews and couldnt afford the time.. so we postponed again.. haa.. its been the third time already.. but still i could feel she was sincere.. and took the effort to reply and inform mi and stuff..

i should be returning to sch tml once again to settle my payment which was the result of a misunderstanding.. hopefully get to do something meaningful tml..

baby.. if not for my msg.. will u tell mi u're gonna stay out again? wats the use of telling u i dun like u going out at nite.. when u would not listen? im jus disappointed.. over wat?? over the fact that i jus mention that i dislike u going to meet them and return late.. yet u still went ahead.. i knew it.. not that i dun like u going out to meet them.. jus that i dun wanna see u making this a habit.. once u go out.. u either return late or nv at all.. haiz.. wat for talk to u so much.. dun wanna get mad.. but help mi not to.. jus disappointed.. see!! coz u did it once again.. u're gonna settle at di's place le den probably tell mi.. or maybe get drunk and slp thru and tell mi tmr??

fine.enjoy.

2006-03-17T17:21:00.000+08:00

time's 5:18pm.. guess im gonna be late metting jw at six.. went out to ubin yesterday.. it was definitely fun.. its jus my second time cycling and im at ubin le.. wahahha.. shall upload the pics only later.. if not sure super late de.. hmm.. baby also going to meet his fren.. dunno if i will meet him today.. but he told mi not to hold high hopes.. :( so i shall not den..

shall go bath.. den meet jw ger le.. cya peeps.. pics later.. :)
take care on the road dear..

2006-03-17T17:18:00.000+08:00

2006-03-16T00:53:00.000+08:00

greetings.. trying to make an entry before one.. to promise to get to bed early.. im going out to cycling again tml.. to pulau ubin.. was missing sis.. and hoping sis could come along too.. but i reckon she'e be working her guts out.. haiz.. take care sis.. and bro take care of urself at the chalet.. its seem to be so long u were away from home.. miss going to bed wif u at nite and toking cock.. bleahz..

been trying to keep it inside me.. but dear seem to know somethings amiss from my voice.. it all started at home.. granny has been giving mi the fucked up attitude.. like i owed her shiats.. since the very moment i wake up she's been giving mi the face.. shout and nag.. seem to be testing my patience for gawd knows wat reason.. i know when one is old, one gets impatient and easily aggitated.. but theres a limit to one's tolerance too.. so its rather hard to give in especially when im tired and sick.. fuck it..

after she got her last blow.. dear brought mi out to play basket ball wif the rest.. still i feel irritated.. hard to get over the fact that i got screwed for nothing.. anyway i appreciate the fact di and dear was there.. and thank god i din threw any tantrums back..

baby jus got his results.. well done baby.. finally everything is over yea?? the whole tertiary education.. is finally over.. couldnt realy express how happy i felt for u over the phone earlier on when i realise how well u did comparing to other sem's results.. im sorry.. i was in the midst of something and u called.. but when im toking to u.. u dun seem to be listening.. or rather was distracted.. so i tot u could've jus called back later.. dun wanna talk much coz of my throat.. but u got mi repeating wat i've said quite a few times today.. its irritating.. gosh i muz be having pms man.. but baby.. above all things.. i jus wanna say thaank you for taking care of mi and making sure i got my medicine and enuff rest and stuff.. i wan the same for u too baby.. take care..

its now 1:15am.. and u're still online.. in the end we din keep to our promise afterall.. maybe i should care less.. and since he got his results onli jus today.. let him be den.. nite..

2006-03-15T00:18:00.000+08:00

medicine's making mi real drowsy now.. yea.. i've been to the doc finally as the phlegm jus wun leave mi.. and im afraid i might get too used to my male voice i've been having for like the past two weeks coming..

still i jus wanna take a short ten mins(*thanx dear for giving mi extra time.. haa. ) to make a short entry on yesterday..

mondae 13th Mar..
woke up to realise dear sitting on my bed.. his smile jus brightened my day instantly.. taking away all my aches and pain in the throat.. rite away.. i jumped outa bed and head to the bath room.. and out we went shopping and all.. its jus another day together wif dear.. but i felt as though its been a long time since i last saw him kind.. i mus be mad.. how to survive like tt in future?? gonna be real hard wif him in there serving the nation.. hmm.. thoughts of it jus brings mi jitters.. al all along for the whole day.. i realise i jus keep on laffing and talking and playing and laffing and it goes on and on.. non stop.. rather high i guess.. haa.. but watever the case.. i jus felt the closeness feeling.. the rite feeling altoghther once again.. not wanting to mention for fear things would go wrong.. but its always the case for mi.. i cant be too happy coz sooner or later i will start spoiling things making my mood turn a 360 degrees.. but still.. it was a 100% nice day out wif dear.. thank you baby.. dunno why but its jus the rite feeling and all.. blah blah.. haa..

tuesdae 14th mar..
surprisingly.. i got up the moment my alarm went off this morning.. and even woke my bro up to prepare for his chalet.. i seemed to be even more excited bout his chalet.. yea like wat the hell rite.. but haa.. im jus so weird.. since it was booked under my name.. needa go down help check the little kiddies in to the chalet and make sure i get a clear scan of them all.. but haiz.. to my disappointment.. all are legally underage bonkers.. hmm.. duno how to discribe but.. haa.. their all so fun and young. which reminds mi of the younger days.. hmm.. getting olders huh.. haa.. anyways.. bought a new mahjong board and there goes my hard-saved money ready to bank in for our savings but.. hell waste it on a needless but wanted mahjong board.. hmm.. cunxi di and danny kor and dear are all at my living room now.. and i should be signing off here in the mean time.. dunno how long i took to write out all these shiats but i jus wrote continuously.. haa..

byes. haa.

2006-03-12T00:40:00.000+08:00

been feeling the worse in my throat for the past few days.. been coughing and sneezing real bad.. tt my voice had turned to a man's .. dear's been at my place taking care of mi for the past two days le.. really greatful for that.. and for that i dun wana see a doc.. :)

met jw on wed.. though we did not go sentosa.. we promised to meet up jus to update wif each other and hav dinner together.. blah blah.. haa bought a top each.. went home early tt day.. hope u get ur other job at tts okies.. its okie if we cant meet up.. jus once in awhile will do.. hope aini will too.. take care ger..

met sis on thursday the day she arrived from her HK trip.. got a little souvenier frm her.. its a keychain wif my name.. tat describes mi as artistic and elegant, a beautiful lady, cute and pleasant.. wahahha.. sounds me?? i dunno.. chatted and realised i really had difficulty speaking coz of my sore throat.. asked if she could come along to redang island wif us.. but i doubt so.. watever.. jus try to okie.. if not it'll be jus mi alone wif the guys.. though we're frens..

hmm.. been rather reluctant to go look for jobs stil.. wonder wats holing mi back but its kinda getting on my own nerves to realise i can be so lazy.. maybe i'll jus rest till ard april.. and see how things goes.. thanx to chatting wif yiling earlier.. she got mi off the thought of resting for too long.. else i'll be lagging behind le.. and monica jie too.. hmm.. shalll go watch some tv le.. i'll promise i'll try to pack up my table and stuff.. haa.. i'll try.. meantime my baby is back from supper le.. so guai loh.. only two cups of tea.. din smoke nor eat.. haiz.. poor baby dun wanna eat.. listen dear.. one more time.. even if u're fat till u're hopeless.. i'll still wan u okies.. haa.. jus mind ur big appetite can le.. :) i believe u can maintain if u wan.. jia you.. :)

2006-03-05T18:00:00.000+08:00

yes!! i've learnt to cycle le.. took one day to learn.. hmm.. less than one day la.. bout few hours?? haa.. it was definitely funtime.. we cycled one point in pasir ris to another.. hee.. but its quite embarassing to let dear see all my stewpit actions.. haa.. yea.. he's bringing mi to pulau ubin.. wif the rest soon!! we stopped almost at all the mama shop selling drinks.. haa.. and its so damn expensive not worth it to spent on drinks there.. definitely a day to remember.. thank you dear!
hee.. suddenly remember joey.. ger one day we go ride bicycle together okies.. yea if possible..

we went home and decided to take a nap before going out again in the evening for a movie.. but dear felt sickly rite after reaching my place.. so we decided to stay indoors le.. dear decided to stay for the night..

fridae 3rd march..
baby no go work.. we were disturbed almost throughout the nite.. managed to sleep peacefullly but was awaken by my bros alarm.. coz my bro hav trouble waking up u see.. and when he's gone to sch.. we were awaken by the aircon man again.. and its so irritating i tell u.. and i blame myself for havin him over and to put up wif all the shit.. haix.. baby slept in my arms finally the third round.. tts when alls quiet and we finally get to really sleep.. haiz.. im sorry baby.. we woke up washed up and had lunch at my place.. den went to his place to change up before meeting cunxi and danny.. we decided to watch big momma's house.. and i tot the title was momma big.. hahha.. watever la.. its a good show for a good laff.. den decided to go over to serangoon for a drink.. settled at a place called i love happy days.. haa.. nice place.. though small.. its cosy and hav got the rite atmosphere.. tts when i missed sis.. and realised she's flying le..
we had whisky and opened a bottle of chivas.. din finish it though.. learnt two new games.. haa.. definitely a great time together.. till the pub close at three..throughout the whole time i felt loved and cared.. especially when di asked kor not to let mi drink too much.. haa.. scared i drunk eh?? haa.. since we drink till late.. all decided to go over to ah di's place jus round the corner..

saturdae 4th march..
a three story landed property.. haa.. spent the next 24 hours there.. big.. played wif hugo.. ah di's baby poodle.. hee.. cute.. the guys as always.. played sparring with each other till we woke up ah di's mom.. manage to sleep ard 6 in the morning.. till 2pm.. bathed and had lunch there.. played mahjong and watched dvds.. and auntie's dinner was good.. the beef was good.. hee.. anyways.. sis went to hk le.. i will keep u in my prayers okies.. hope tt u will enjoy ur trip there and have many photos taken and share them wif mi when u return orh.. take good care and not fall sick too..

and today.. i've slacked long enuff.. haa.. missed baby.. hope he's doing fine.. and drinking plenty of water.. take care baby..

2006-03-02T02:22:00.000+08:00

phew.. okies.. jus wanna post a short entry on today..

went out wif mom.. yea.. i did.. and it was still okie la.. expected to hang out till nite even though she did say till about noon only.. woke mi up early in the morning jus to make sure i kept my promise to the beauty fair today.. its held at suntec convention hall and today's the last day.. yea.. though its not in the least of my interest.. i still parade ard the exhibition hall.. there were different stalls of the suppliers doing beauty cosmetics.. to facial treatment products and manicure stuffs and hairstyle too.. and i ended up as one of mom's guinea pig.. she wanna try out their prods u see.. yea.. so i had a free makeup makeover.. okie la.. haa.. i got purple eyeshadow.. not the smoky kind.. but din know purple would look okie on mi.. haa.. tot i dun suit. hahha.. den i had mascara!! and the gerl told mi i had LONG lashes.. do i?!?! hahha.. i dun even know.. yea coz i dun use mascara.. haha..

had late lunch at the congress kopitiam.. hahha.. okie la. the cheese prata is good. i mean GOOD.. hahha.. den took a cab to this ulu ulu place called the APS building.. jus some kind of hidden place in a deserted street.. and its along orchard rd summore.. dunno wat chetting rd la.. hahha.. to redeem the 2.3 inch lcd screen portable color tv.. interesting eh??

den again took a cab back to far east.. to settle down our stuffs.. we bought alot.. no i mean mom bought alot stuff she could sell for higher profits.. shant disclose the top top secret of how much difference.. but i was amazed at it too.. haa..
haiz.. all these while baby din call.. though i felt baby was awake le.. but as the benefit of the doubt.. i tot he was still slping.. so din cal.. but yea.. some how disappointed hin ba..

baby called later on while i was in the cab back to far east..

den we walked over to taka.. to look for daddy.. but daddy go for his company dinner le.. my daddy was awarded.. for some good stuff he did.. hee.. his efforts were paid off.. :) walked ard.. den saw afew frens.. :) den went back to far east again.. yea.. was hoping to meet dear along the way or something.. but was hoping he stay home too.. yea.. shopped ard and mom bought mi a new black top i was aiming for quite awhile.. and a new shiseido eye curler too.. hee.. after the girl say i've got nice lashes.. i wan to play wif mascara and curls liaoz.. haa.. wat a vainpot.. haa.. went back to office and had facial and massage.. stripped top off.. hee.. coz of the massage.. but all in all.. its been a real long while since i last went out wif mom and had all things went smooth like this.. though a little weird here and there.. i hope it was the rite choice i made afterall.. yea.. frens.. wanna do facial ma?? call mi eh.. :)

jus a thought that might or might not seem true to some ppl.. but i feel sometimes not everything can go smoothly.. jus like not every one is perfect and jus like no one can hav the best of both worlds.. so the same rule applies for mi as much as i would wan to change it.. but it seem to mi.. my home are all fine.. and things are definitely going smoothly wif mi and dear.. even though if its for the mean time or not.. coz i hope not to put him on his nerves again at my stewpidity.. haa.. watever.. and other then home and dear.. there are definitely my beloved frens out there.. still.. it seems to mi like i can still do something about.. something.. but im too tired to explain my side of the story if it means to make mi go build the interest in others first.. simply to say.. i think no one would be interested in listening anyway.. wat does it mean when one say friends forever?? does it really mean friends forever? wat is a promise and is it meant to be brokened? or kept? i dunno.. haiz.. its really driving mi nuts.. stop all the weird and hypocrite actions alright?? enuff.. its u im toking about.. u know.. enuff.. and if u need time.. to clear things in ur head.. i feel i deserve the rite to also know as im stil a fren of urs.. unless.. unless.. its not the way u wan it to be either.. haiz.. wats going on?? fuck it.. u wan it this way?? fine by me.. its a disgrace.. really a disgrace to hav things turn out this way.. instead of a friendship.. fine by me.. all fine.

im gonna relax.. and try to get things off my mind as much as i can.. im going out wif jw and aini ger on fri.. :) looking forward.. though i still dunno where to go.. haa..

dear's bringing mi out tml to cycling.. do u hear mi?? cycling!! hahha. yea!! really.. dear.. if its not for u i would not be wat i m today.. coz its all the good and bad u made us go through tt i've learnt.. learnt to let go of certain things. i dunno wat im toking about.. argh.. looking forward to tml.. :)

luv ya dear!!

2006-02-21T01:56:00.000+08:00

its early tuesday morning 1.54am..

apparently.. decided to come over to keep dear company if it means to help him better focus on his studies.. and not otherwise.. its gettin hard for mi to make dear do things for the sake of his own good.. in simple terms, to listen to mi.. haa.. i think i should rephrase this sentence coz it seems tt i am on the unreasonable side..

however.. am sitting at dear's computer table reminising on the beautiful past.. had realise a long time ago.. that baby would be serving the nation soon.. but din expect that it could be as early as he finishes his exams in march.. and tts really soon to come.. however hard i try not to remember the fact.. it jus keeps reminding mi even in my dreams.. how nice.

but on a nicer tone, it may be a good thing afterall.. as in to say to get it over and done with.. instead of anticipating for its arrival.. brace yourself up adeline!! time is up.. soon..

reminising on the times when we were both still seemingly innocent and young..(yea rite..) haa.. still in the same room.. we were both doing our work diligently.. hoping to finish his D&T project fast.. to the times when we lunch or dine inside the room.. to quarreling.. haa..

den one by one.. as if its playing a video in my head.. was reminded of my old frens.. monica jie.. yiling ger.. jessica.. and sis.. hav seemed to go so so far away le.. im coming to an end of my tertiary education already.. getting quite uneasy bout the thoughts of working life and politics and all.. gonna miss all my education life and the togetherness wif them.. times in poly were definitely fun.. but i cant deny that there were difficult times as well.. those great times were memories to keep.. one very unforgetable period was when im attached to SCS for my attachment.. the new frens that i've made in jus a three short months.. or even less than that.. all of you.. makes an impact in my life.. but its sad.. its a pity i dun see the reason why hav things turn out to be cold and unapproachable.. someone pls tell mi why.. its really sad.. there seem to be something going on which i do not know of or maybe.. jus dunno.. someone pls..

*** my dear jus came back from the past.. **** wahahha..

hmm.. humans.. all of us.. came into this world.. alone.. even twins are borne into this world of different timing.. but in the journy called life.. there are jus the special frens to keep u company and walk wif u throughout different stages of ur life.. sad thing is.. most people are seasonal.. they change frens jus as the seasons change.. there are few which remains long.. its a pity..

best of friends are the siblings that God had forgotten to give us..

to al frens out there..do keep in contact okies.. take care and God bless..

*** jus had a bread competition wif dear.. haa.. he lost.. dun care.. hahha.. ***

nite all..

2006-02-19T04:17:00.000+08:00

jus came back from a movie wif dear..went for the fog.. was however the first movie i watched wif dear and he was rather excited.. yada yada.. and there he goes.. rambling bout mi not caring for him and he being disappointed in mi.. haa..

silly boy.. im still the same okies.. jus wanna play wif u only.. haa.. aniwae.. shall spent the nite here wif him hopin to talk things out if theres any.. or jus to spend quality time wif him ba..

2006-02-16T11:36:00.000+08:00

finally completed the proj yesterday nite after integrating every one's part together left sch at 930pm.. had the system running smoothly.. really glad.. and dear helped mi to feel even better.. by leaving mi a msg saying his on his way to pick mi up.. nice huh??

den i met dear.. got on the bike.. and went crazy.. though my part isnt the main or very impressive part.. i was jus glad wif the help of jon and gerald and jesslin.. i got my stuff done.. really.. so hapie.. den i got dear to share the joy wif mi.. couldnt help being noisy all the way home.. and we ended up making rounds and rounds in bishan jus cause i din wan to go home as yet.. but rite at the back of my head i realise dear's different since he picked mi up from sch..

it was a last min decision tt dear stayed over.. we slept late.. and dear din really slp well.. woked up several times.. and end up watching tv early in the morning at 6 plus.. how i wish i could get dear to slp back wif mi.. but i din wan to force him.. since he cant get to slp although i believe his very tired.. wat to do.. im without the warrant card..

*** on call ***

now i see wats all the prob.. i was the prob.. it was all because of mi.. really.. not that i wan sympathy or empathy.. but i was the arise the cause the come about of the whole thing.. because of mi, he wans to stay and give company.. because of mi he wan to wait at the library and bring mi out happy.. because of mi he lied saying he wasnt angry..

because of mi.. can any one help mi? wat to do wat to say..he all doesnt know anymore.. he asks mi.. but wat can i say when its all because of mi??

*****************************************

jus yesterday.. i felt i was very lucky to hav u..as my gers arent working things quite well wif their dearies.. coz baby u are very understanding.. and stood by mi and helped mi out mentally.. though u cant give much help technically.. told my gers tt this is jus one small test between a couple and if even a small test like this also cannot withstand.. den it jus shows how strong the both of u are..

yet instead.. its all the cause of mi now that things happen this way.. and i feel like ive been taking and not giving.. how ironically..

i jus feel so helpless and useless and unwanted.. really.. i jus hate myself when things like these happens.. as a result im really the root cause of the whole thing..

this marks the official end to my sch's last semester.. how nice..

2006-02-15T00:12:00.000+08:00

now wats the big problem wif u.. when u walk out the door.. hav u ever wondered how it feels like if its u being inside the room?? when i at the very least tried to explain myself.. i get smacked down.. its hard to explain feelings and write it down in words.. but haiz..

u wan to know how i feel about u?? at times when u try to sms mi only after the whole thing.. i feel u only wan to act like it wasnt ur fault and u wanted things to turn out fine and well.. but at the point of time when u are angry u are those kind.. cant be bothered much.. so u know how irritatiing it can get?? only after u not angry den msg ask wats wrong and say sorry kind.. jus like i slap u den i ask u why u cry.. it doesnt make sense u know..

all along i tot it was a mutual understanding between us.. that we do not need to explain so much shit to each other jus to get one point understood.. but i guess im wrong.. coz we dun hav the mutual understanding as yet.. its different kind of expectations u hav for frens and for family.. for normal friends..i toking bout normal frens.. u dun spend as much of ur lifetime wif them.. thus the expectation is lower.. whereas for bros and sis.. its the kind of relationship which u dun need a third party to help analyse the situation and can solve it on ur own.. tts wat the precious relationship differs.. jus like .. one look in the eye and the other can understand each other.. no need to explain and say so much.. but it seemed so difficult for us to jus hav a normal conversation without blasting into a quarrel or wat..

i dunno if its egoistic or stubborness.. but u gotta take heeds and listen to ppl and not always have an answer to talk back to others to reason things out.. sometimes jus shuttup and have a time to urself and reflect.. it might help let u understand how come things are always happening and its always seem to be the same case.. and we nv seem to get it solve.. ask urself if could the problem lie in urself.. not necessarily saying u are always at fault.. but no one is perfect..

tts all i hav to say after a long day in sch.. which also leads mi to understand another cruel point in life.. dun wanna talk much as yet..

one thing im really dissapointed im myself is getting myself into a mess wif my bro everytime he misunderstand mi.. its really getting fucking sick and tired of explaining myself already..
another things which matters close to my heart is.. my dear.. i seem to have neglect him on a day like this.. moreover i got no gifts for my dear.. as the only card i made for him is still at my place till this point of time.. which is why im so in a sad moody feeling.. why im dissapointed is coz the more he say 'its okie.. get ur things done asap first..' the more bad i feel.. but im thankful for dear being so understanding too.. at this point.. i come to realise.. lifes too short to go on reminising on sad stuff.. and get fedup wif urself for not being more zhen qi.. haiz.. cant bother if anyone understands.. but shall end here.. its gonna be another long day in sch tml again.. i hope i can get my stuff done sooon.. big thanx to jesslin gerald and jon for helping mi out when im really lost..

sadden..

by chance..

2006-02-07T00:20:00.000+08:00

sundae 5/02

yesterday.. my baby came over my place.. by chance.. something went wrong at work and baby din feel rite continue working.. so he decided to came over acc mi repair my phone..

the lcd screen on my phone had three beautiful crack given by my dearest brother.. and it has been smerging on my phone since den.. yea.. haven got the time to go fix it.. so i got about transfering the pics and stuff over to my com.. and dear reached my place in wat seemed like two mins to mi.. haa.. so i went to bath den let it cary on dlding onto my com..

jus den there was strong breeze blowing.. so i sneakily suggested to go fly kite at the same time brong my bro down to breadth some fresh air.. he's been real sick recently.. so ya.. brought kino down too..

so its mi and dear and my bro and kino.. the four of us downstairs flying kite.. hahha.. by chance..

till i got no more kite to fly.. coz guess wat.. when it finally fly so so high up.. wind changed directions and without warning.. i got it stuck into a tree.. there goes my kite.. haiz.. btw its a S$1.50 kite.. but i jus like the small and light version.. nt like all the new ones nowadays.. so big bright and heavy.. tt is to mi.. haa..

off we went back after tugging at my stucked kite.. i only got back my string.. haiz.. haa.. too tired to go repair my phone.. so decided to postpone it to another day ba.. which day i dunno liaoz..

yea.. so we watched tv.. slacked till dear wan go home liao.. it started to rain.. real heavy.. so dear stayed over my place by chance againz.. haa.. aint i a lucky gerl?? haa.. i mean its a blessing in disguise.. coz i got the company of another love one..

but hope baby slept well everytime he stays over..

mondae 6/02

today.. i guess its the monday blues tt got everyone so fidgetty.. my dear darling fana.. got so stressed up.. when she felt the stredd piling up on her.. haiz.. wrote her a little note hopin she'll cheer up ba.. and dun over stressed okies. u're not alone.. den i stayed back after sch.. rite after tut at 2pm.. i went to book a com at the lab and started on the IM website le.. all the way till 9pm.. its no wonders i got the headache.. but glad a whole lot is finished..
and i gotta finalised my part too.. hope i can get over this period real ssoon.. else im gonna get bonkers..

haiz..

needa holiday..

2006-01-30T23:19:00.000+08:00

those were the days..

waking up early in the morning to go visiting and collect many many ang baoz.. one house to another.. all my aunts and uncles.. not time no see le.. the smell of new yr.. its different this yr.. but im so lucky i still hav dear.. made mi feel good jus to know im wif him.. haiz..

those were the days..

well.. happie lunar new year to all family frens.. and dear!! had fun rushing here and there from ur place to kor place and back to my place for tuan yuan fan.. hee.. love ya to bits.. hee..
den i know i somehow affected ur mood the next day..it was da nian chu yi..

countless times u raged.. and almost raised ur voice.. im sorry.. im lost these few days.. like in a world of my own.. keep thinking.. bout nothing.. tt was why u sense the 'blur' in me while over the phone.. thanx for bringing mi back.. and over ur place.. jus seem to be irritating u as well.. haa.. i mus be on ur nerves.. haiz.. drank tiger wif bro den headed to bed..

second day of lunar new yr..
woke up at 11.30 this morning.. considered early loh.. haa.. went to big uncle place.. den ah gong sister son place.. haa.. den went over to ma fren place for dinner.. dear joined mi at the last stop.. hee.. we had dinner together den..
din know i would get to meet u de.. hee.. shall go catch some sleep le.. am tired.. zzz.. nite peeps..

2006-01-08T00:12:00.000+08:00

am eating the chocolate sis gave mi on thurs.. miss her.. hee.. spent the nite over at dear's place last nite.. packed my bag and brought over the baby body foam wash for dear.. hee..he likes the smell.. brought along my phone charger as well.. as my phone dying out.. went over durin noon.. and baby still aslp.. hee.. spent a few moments jus sitting quietly and watchin him as he takes his nap..

as i unpacked my stuff den i realise how stewpit i can get when i forgot bout my phone at home.. wat do i do with my charger without my phone?? hahha.. tats mi.. blur.. haiz.. anyway we had dinner watched tv.. and wanted to go look for kor.. his working at chinatown for these few weeks.. but as we got ready and about to leave house.. it rained.. so decided to wait on.. but rain no stop so drop the idea le..

later received cal from bike shop.. his xiao laopo okies liaoz.. hee.. thanx to jw for helpin mi wif this nick huh.. hahha.. we hurridly went down in drizzles of rain.. nite was cold.. collected dear's bike and went off happily.. though we felt the pinch but its better to be safe den sorry.. paid a full 600 bucks for my baby's xiao laopo.. hee.. played cards wif his mum lei.. hahha.. of coz i kept losing..hee.. later bathed..

den baby decided to count the amt of coins we saved over the yrs.. hee.. it amounted to quite a satisfying amt to mi.. hee.. but dear thought it was still slow over the yrs.. that the amount should be more.. hee.. we decided to deposit part of it to our bank.. :) it weighs man!! after we packed up all the coins to plastic bags.. we called up the bank in the middle of the nite.. yea we called three times.. hee.. jus to hav our questions queried. hahha.. u hav to pay to deposit coins u know!! hahha.. washed off the smell of coins and off to bed we go.. but naughty mi.. i had to be hungwee.. and dearest cooked mee for mi lei!! wif scrambled eggs.. nice nice!! really.. hee.. of all i had to thank dear.. feels so pampered.. end up slpin at 4am in the morning..

ride bike to suntec.. once again im in the sun on the road wif dear on his bike.. heee.. miss those feelings.. but it also means there will be no more taking of bus and walking to stores or getting nearby groceries le.. hee.. btw the helmet stinks.. its been in the box for too long.. need to be aired badly man.. haa..

here are some of the pics i took back on christmas eve..
we went sushi tei , shopping and karaoke..

yakitori don

golden roll - its a must try.. nice.. even for prawn haters..
its king-sized prawn deep fried and rolled wif sushi rice.. later topped wif fresh mangoes.. :)

tts my kor tryin to kiil himself wif the prawn head..

my fav pic for the day.. my dearest sis.. huggies

tats how nice our kor is.. helpin us wif our bags and all.. luv ya man.. hee.. sis and i will always be grateful to u..

this was taken on xmas eve eve hee.. wif my dearest close fren jingwen aka princess aka jw..

miss pretty face..

here's the latest of mi.. yea.. i've permed my hair le.. wif regrets though..

take care peeps..
nite baby.. i miss you..

2006-01-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

im feelin down.. and somehow lonely.. somewhere along the ages of lives.. u should hav prolly felt the pangs of loneliness.. not cause u got no frens nor company.. instead u are looking for some time alone for yourself.. jus felt that i had to think through alot of things.. on my own.. argh.. dun even know wat im blabbering..

anyway.. its the new year!! hope every one has gotten down their new year resolution and gotten over wats past in 2005.. and get ready for new adventures this yr.. spent my new yr's eve's eve (fri) out at black's.. quite borin for a first time i should say.. hee.. nobody one.. yea.. wif the new upcoming of mos and momo.. its getting hard to see crowds else where le.. spent the nite at dear's place.. got home the next day and decided to really start doing proj.. i admit. it was rather simple and last min.. but i thought at least my efforts would paid off but it din.. quite sad.. got quite alot of feedbacks and remarks from teacher..
he's disappointed wif our work..
we are disappointed wif his attitude.. i've nothin to say bout the rest..

later got home. and bathed.. stayed in the bathroom for quite sometime.. used to enjoy sitting in the bathtub and soaking myself up in my parents bathroom when it was still in use.. now its more like another part of a store room for my mum.. too much of her cosmetics stuff liaoz.. so i jus let water run through my hair.. from head to toe.. feel refreshed.. made some cereal den checked mail. tts when i felt quite lifted off from my moodiness.. got an email from my baby.. and its rare.. it the first email for the yr:) i jus got so happie tt i teared upon reading it.. jus hav to say thank you to u again dear.. no matter wat it takes for the future.. im jus glad for the pass journey u've walked wif mi.. apart from all other little squibble and squabbles..

enough for the day.. i jus wan to end my day soon and start a new day tml.. somehow i feel somethings gonna happen again.. jus keeping my fingers crossed.. reall bad things.. haiz..

jus anote to my frens... all my frens.. take care of ur loved ones and treasure them wisely.. whether an old flame or jus an aquaintance or an old best fren.. they did walked a certain path wif u in ur life before.. or share the same habits once wif u before..

hmm.. now tt sch's reopened.. canfeel stress piling up fast le.. cant procrastinate any much longer.. ple help guide mi along my last hurdle i pray..

nite peeps. take care ya all.. huggies..

luv ya baby..

2005-12-26T23:49:00.000+08:00

What's Your True Color?

Green

You're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

- jus came across a website from a fren jon.. haa and this is my result.. im green.. i tot it was horny?? haa.. try it out okies..
What's Your True Color?
http://web.tickle.com/invite?test=1108&type=t

hmm.. i jus went to get my hair permed.. promised to accompany ma go salon.. so this morning ma came in to wake mi up at 10:30am.. she finally got mi off dreamland at 11am.. which is our appointment time.. haa.. and we are one hour late for our appointment.. so bad.. den end up i got my hair permed.. but wif regrets.. coz i din get the curls i wan.. i wanted big waves.. i got small perms.. i dunno wat but i jus din like it.. hope the curls die down soon.. till then i shall stay home and hide away from all dear ones.. :)
miss u baby..
went look for daddy at taka.. den did a little shoppin too.. bought chocolates.. donuts.. alot more.. and finally my mangoes.. i've been craving for it.. haa.. and its jus the two of us to carry all the rubbish we bought.. wahahha..

fridae 23/12
went out wif my close budd jw.. haa.. did some last min shoppin.. ger did her manicure and eyebrow.. hee.. pretty pretty.. i wish the pics can auto upload.. cuz im jus too lazy.. one day k.. hahha.. had great fun.. tt we even forgot bout our dinner.. wahahha.. better dun let dear see dis too.. else im gonna disappoint him again.. hahha cant help it la.. time flies when u're wif ya good frens.. really. hmm.. went home ard 12am.. bought baby a berms.. but its too tight for baby.. haiz.. gotta bring it back someday to change again.. srry baby.. but u look cute wif ya cute tight butt lei. hahha.. geez im mad bout butts.. haa..

sat 24/12
went out to meet sis my dearest sis.. missed her so much.. and its been so so long since mi and sis and kor had ever a dinner together.. been so long.. hee.. really treasure the time spent.. hee.. karaoke too.. haiz.. still no pics.. but all's flashing throu my head rite now.. hee.. den later went over to marina.. met sis bb.. hee.. his playin bowlin.. den later my turn go find my baby.. hee.. den went to danny kor place for the nite le..
called my bro along.. happy bro came along.. din wan him to spent his christmas alone.. :) we had a so call mini celebration.. played ard.. watched tv.. even bought log cake to eat.. hee.. but apparently we all forgotten about the cake till next afternoon when we wake up haa.. we played cards.. den drank martell.. hee.. but i din get to drink much.. coz dear forbid mi to.. had gastric earlier on.. dear was strict about it.. so i listened.. im a good ger okies.. so i can only see them drink even when its my turn to loh!! haa.. nvm.. i'll hav my turn.. i promise myself.. hee.. and my dear bro got drunk.. his very first time.. haa.. wat a scene.. my baby too.. too bad sis cant stay over.. so left mi and danny hoaxing dear to slp while my bro knock out liaoz.. hee.. soon after kor too knock out liaoz.. i had my little christmas wish before i slp.. :) merry christmas..

sundae 25/12
its christmas.. happie christmas and merry new year everyone.. hee..
happie birthday to you uncle..
to mi.. i love christmas.. its the season of sharing gift exchange.. the season of remembering christ's birth.. the time where christians all over the world celebrate the joy.. the time when we wrap presents for our loved ones.. i miss those time when i had to shop for presents during my GB times.. those were the days.. hee.. miss ya yiling ger.. hope u're doin fine.. :) went home wif bro.. den bath and rest before going ot for dinner wif family @ bishan's cafe cartel.. hee.. we had ice-creams too.. hee.. no pics again.. haha..

2005-12-23T00:52:00.000+08:00

had quite a fun day today..though i had to sit through the test this early morning.. turned out most of the answers i had wasnt the same as vash.. as he was sitting beside mi.. hee.. enjoyed tt small tok cok session after the test.. do take care of urself okies.. dun always work work work and dun come for sch.. before u know it.. sch days gonna over soon.. yea.. :)

went for lunch in sch.. wif johan aini and fana ger.. jw still in lab doin prac.. yea.. the three noti gers.. decided to skip practical coz .. of many reasons.. or shud i say excuses.. hee.. had McChicken meal.. hee.. den went home.. while the rest went off to hougang mall for their interview wif their external mentor.. hmm.. din turn out well after all.. hope nobody spoil their mood okies.. :)

went home to rest.. while baby stayed on at kor's place.. coz its still raining.. yea.. and speaking of which.. its been a long time since i last walked under the rain.. let the rain jus fall on me.. washing off all weariness.. feels good.. once in a while.. hee.. but definitely not alone.. hahha.. better not let dear catch this entry.. :)

reached home.. bathed.. den played some games.. den dozed off.. hahha.. unintentionally.. hee.. wat a pig.. till baby called.. and since it was raining.. baby insisted i wear his raincoat.. haiz.. he said since he was already drenched.. so insisted i wear.. and i sure looked like an alien loh.. head so big.. coz of helmet.. den body so weird.. sumore the raincoat so long and big.. hahha.. wat a sight.. dear still took a pic of mi.. haiz.. silly guy.. hee.. :)

till all arrives.. we went for dinner at the coffee shop nearby.. lor lew lian i think.. hee.. was fun dining wif dear and family.. hee feels the.. hmm good feeling la.. dunno how to say.. jus miss those feelin i rarely get from my own family.. but watever the case.. its still not my family that gave mi the feelin after all.. sad. or pathetic?? i dunno.. hee.. went back to dear's place.. wif dear holding the umbrella.. hee.. how blissful can i get.. :)

relaxed and watched some tv before i decided to head home.. its after dear wans mi to cal and ask dad for permission if i could stay on.. yea its ASK hahha.. not tell.. my dear is so dear.. summtimes i jus wanna show daddy i dun take things for granted.. tt i wan to earn the trust from him as well.. hmm.. dun wish to elaborate.. since daddy wans mi home.. home i am :)

so dear wanted to send mi.. but dear's laopo bike seem to be sick le.. engine start off wif a funny sound.. as though its gonna give way or sort.. den i started thinkin if was it mi.. coz i was hesitating.. whether to tell or not.. this only my dear will understand ba.. usually i will have this undesirable feelin in mi.. tellin mi somethings not gonna go rite.. den if i say it out to someone.. it would not happen.. its rather hard to understand.. but.. yea.. this time i din and so.. got baby pissed i guess.. for being 'ti ki'.. hahha.. mi and my stubborness.. watever la.. im sorry baby.. should hav mentioned den maybe MAYBE nothin would hav happened.. forgive mi okies?? hee..:)

got home to rest.. baby replied to my msg.. i smiled so hard.. the msg i wanted i got.. :D hahha.. all this while i hav always wanted to hav dear bath and rest early together wif mi.. but i dun wan to be the only one saying and doin it.. and this time my baby replied and said we shall bath together.. and its a reply to my msg.. haha.. watever.. no one will understand the satisfaction i get.. im jus so weird sumtimes i cant even understand myself.. :) i always used to think im a person who is very very easy to pleased.. very gullible and sort.. hee.. tt i shal leave it to my baby to decide.. :)

nite peeps.. take care.. and God bless..

i love you dear.. thank you for a sweet nite..
i jus love tonite.. jus moments spent.. :)

2005-12-21T18:16:00.000+08:00

times 6:15PM. could hardly pick myself up to study for tml's test. baby's gone out for project meeting.

life's been a blur for me these few days.. had been slacking over the past weekend. slept alot. listened to songs.. all thanx to jon for his songs:) but the more i slp the more tired i feel..

mondae 19/12..
tot wouldnt get to meet dear tt day.. went for morning lec.. such a good ger:) the rest of the lessons was a bore. went home den slacked again. tot would get to meet baby.. he jus had a hair cut. hee. den over at kor's place dyin hair.. so i went to take a nap.. but its too late to go anywhere coz i woke up ard evening le.. tot day was ending soon.. den i saw dear at my door step!! oh gawd. his hair cut made him look so cute.. so boy.. jus like it la.. more refreshed like he said.. but also more fierce if he din smile onwards.. hee.. later dear stayed over.. got him his towel and clothes... den later ma and pa came hoome.. den chatted awhile in the livin room.. den we went to bed le.. hee.. before tt i made him noodles.. coco pops.. hahha.. my baby..
but poor baby.. he hasnt been slpinn well for the past few nites le.... at my place too.. haiz..

tuesdae 20/12..
woke up early and decided to make french toast for aini ger and jw. made dear some too but dear din wan stay on my place. so he fetch mi to sch. and since im in sch for only one hr of tutorial, baby waited for mi at the library. till after my tutorial i went up to look for him den we watch finish the show together. later we went ddf, dou dou feng.. hee.. went to pasir ris beach.. den sat down together wif our drinks and food.. den enjoy the afternoon breeze. it was a rare thing for the both of us.. cuz usually kor or frens would come along.. its rare we got jus the both of us alone to ourselves.. but i like it when im jus wif dear alone.. den went dearie's place.. waatched tv.. slept.. dearie's ma cooked.. and i jus like the soup and the vege and the steam egg.. hee.. baby and i discussed about selling of his phone.. and..i jus like the feelin when we sit and discuss things.. :)
all the time spent wif dear.. i reaaly like it..

wednesdae 21/12..
today woke up ard three, and cooked lunch. so din get a chance to lunch wif dear. jus got to know dear din go for his proj.. it was cancelled.. hmm.. gonna stop here.. wanna look for chalet prices and availabilities.. hee.. but dunno confirm ma..

2005-12-16T20:06:00.000+08:00

felt the piles of work coming up since monday.. had a long and tiring week.. glad its the weekends..

on sundae 11/12,
i went out late evening wif cunxi di. planned to celebrate danny kor's birthday but end up was seperated. kor's birthday on 12th. bought cake and waited up @ kor's place. so paiseh his sis opened the door for us. den cut cake and played ard till it was time to go home. it was 4am tt i slept.. yawnz..hahha..

on mondae 12/12,
i cancelled dinner @ kor's place. so sorry coz of mi u guys had to postpone the whole thing till another day. after sch, went to fareast and taka shopped wif jingwen.. we looked ard for the best cake available.. its gonna be aini ger's birthday on 13th. but we had a budget too. so got a small cake in the end. jus glad on the next day aini ger was happie. we tried to keep to our timing and reach home earlier. since theres a test the next day. so ard 5 i went home with a cake. kept it well refrigerated. bathed den started studyin. tired. till nine. met dear after his lesson.. though tired dear brought mi out to eat @ at cafe cartel. he's been yearnin for tt. hahha. den later came my place. dear accompanied mi to study. thanku baby.. u made my day end well..
happie birthday to danny kor and weicong!! all twenty liaoz. grown ups liao. hahha.

on tuesdae 13/12,
i woke up early. and got myself ready for sch, prepared the cake and all. went to sch and tot of how to hide the cake while i go for tutorial. really gotta thank the guy @ cheers for helpin mi out with the cake. oh btw, i bumped into a hunkie.. he's of about height 185 tall dark and tanned. yea but it was jus another guy. haa i love my baby still. so i left my number down jus in case. den i went for lessons happily. its ok dear i din wan to bother asking u to keep it for mi. i understandin u're havin lesson. den cut cake session after tutorial. lazy to put up pics. haven got my fav pic from aini ger yet.
entre lessons will be cancelled next week. as the biz side on holiday liaoz. drats! gotta cal up the funeral palour. for an interview end up i din get the interview dates and got refered to another. haiz. whu's gonna help mi wif this..
jus wanna say happie birthday to u sweetie.. and all ya wishes to come true ya!!
went home after sch to prepare for next day's test on internet marketing. baby went to kor's place to stay over.

on wednesdae 14/12
had my test and actually decided to go home to slp the rest of the day. but had to come back for make up tutorial. oh drats! so i went sch den dear came to sch from kor's place to fetch mi. how nice. had this nice feelin these few days. tt im again so lucky to hav baby. though sick and tired of life. somehow u need someone or something to keep u going. im glad i got mine.

on thursdae 15/12
went to sch for prac. in lab for four hrs straight. cold. tired. but i tried to get something done at least. i know im gonna hav to do lotsa work over the weekends le. haiz. i wan a break. went home den bathed and helped dear with another one of his news article. wanted to take a nap or start on my revision a little before dear come but his lesson ended early. hahha so i packed stuff and changed up loh.. a little moody den coz i felt quite rush. estimated time too late. reach dear's place le dear's sis's bf also there.. we had dinner watch tv vcd and slacked more. hahh time flies. bfore i 's knew its pass midnight le. sad i din help much in dear's proj. regret we start off too late. haiz. din know how i got to the bed too.. i think dear helped mi up. before he carried on with his work.
jus before i leave home for dear's place, my bro den asked din i received my present for my birthday. i was like huh?! coz my dearest bro wasnt in town den and all he did was called mi up to ask mi go take this piece of paper. yea i got scolded by dear too for not clearing my own curiosity to go check out the email. haiz. wat a letdown. i really regret my stupidity man. and i was touched really.. tt i teared when my bro finally bring it to mi in hand my present. it was a 'one carat big huge diamon princess crown necklace'.haa.. dun blame mi for the gd description but its the first time i had such a necklace. i like it anyway. im a princes anyway. haa. thanx bro.

on fridae 16/12
baby left for sch leaving mi still slpin this mornin. and he had to cal mi up twice before i finally leave bed. haiyo.. thanz dear. still feel bad bout dozing off and not helpin wif ya work. miss ya dear. din do well for my test today. totally off. my baby's tired too. hope everyone can catch their precious slp tonight and prepare for the week end and the week up ahead.

jus some thoughts that has been going through my mind. recently alot has happened. whether its on the open or on the other side. i hope to see the clear sides of both. but as it seems, i cant really figure out between the real and fake the good or bad, or the happy and sad. sometimes its hard to get it going wif people whom u think might or IS being plastic, if u know wat i mean. but yet again the question is why do people not rather work things out by talkin? or explaining? or giving each other the opportunity to express one's feelings? instead, they jus live it off with the pure innocence of minds. oh gawd. why.

2005-12-03T22:09:00.000+08:00

met up wif my sis the other day.. to go find another one of our close fren.. since secondary sch.. missed her.. hmm she's still the same old bubbly clarice i used to know.. still always so suspicious to mi.. hmm..

glad i took time off to meet sis.. despite tons of homework to do.. glad to hav dinner together.. ger meet up soon again okies..

den the next day.. though things had gone a little off track.. im glad mi and baby is on the rite track back again.. i dun wnna go off track again.. im tired le.. lets not get on each others nerves and spoil things okie.. we'll jus watch our own temper.. miss youbaby..

yesterday seem to hav made a big mistake by taking things into my own hands and try to help make a person see things in a different perspective.. i nearly got myself into hot soup.. or am i already in a trouble situation.. i dunno.. all i can say is i only wan the better of everyone.. den went home bath..

tired le.. no mood too.. went to find dear ard afternoon time.. had dinner before we go find sis they all to help celebrate and cut cake wif her and her bb.. den it rained.. den i seem to hav a little arguement wif dear again.. why it always seem tt i can anger him so easily? its not the case last time.. maybe baby's losing his patience on mi le.. now tt he feels most of the time im different le..

like wat aini ger said.. maybe some soul searching need to be done?? but on myself instead of j**?? haiz.. dunno..

anyway glad to hav all turn up on sis bday eve..
hApPy bIrtHdAy to u Sis.. All tHe beSt tO u aNd uR stuDieS and All!!! Stay hApPY and PretTy.. And StAy sWeEt Wif Ur BB ya?! hee.. Luv yA lOts!!
and hope all things turn out fine wif her fren.. may God be wif her.. and peace surround her..

its always the case.. when im home and try to get things done whether to pack my cupboard or do some project.. i will nv find the due energy to do anything.. will be feeling lethargic and moody and restless.. maybe caused im feeling a little uneasy not working on weekends ba.. which is now causing my thighs to be growing fatter and fatter liao lo.. haiz..

baby.. now tt ur parents are abroad.. pls take care of urself hao ma.. and promise not to slp too late okies.. miss ya..

2005-11-30T22:56:00.000+08:00

- jus had a mental block staring at the screen for bout 11mins.. -

tryin to recall the whole of yesterday...

woke up feelin tired.. back ached.. but tot i might hav a chance of meeting up wif dear.. so hurriedly got up and prepare for sch.. lessons went well.. attended internet security and administration lec. den accompanied dear in the library.. till my lesson starts.. entrepreneur was ok.. den had proj discussion at bishan coffee bean wif aini.. den met up wif sis.. wanna say so much here.. but i jus got no mood at the moment..

i dun know wat i wan.. why.. seem to be even stucked with my own keyboard and fingers..
hate this feeling..

leave it..

exlicit content removed..

2005-11-28T19:03:00.000+08:00

wanted to blog once i got home.. but.. yada yada.. dilly dally here and there.. haha.. rested abit le den finally got down to blog.. hee..

was thinkin bout baby.. we stayed over each other's place over the weekend.. i stayed over his place on fri.. told mum and dad.. they acknowledge le.. hee.. finally see no protest.. den baby came over on sat.. hee.. sweet sweet.. hee.. den i remembered.. baby jus bath finished den i was wondering how come he smell so nice.. hahha.. den i should hav taken down the expression on his face.. hahha.. i ask wat shampoo or shower bath he used.. he say green one.. hahha.. jus nice my doggie shampoo is green in color.. and i bathed him tt day too.. hahha.. den i guessed i scared the shit out of him.. he tot he used the wrong shampoo.. hahha but after i checked it turned out tt mum brought home a new shower foam bath.. hahha.. squeeze out only is foam le.. so fun.. im usin it now too.. hahha.. baby u so cute..

hmm.. did tutorials yesterday.. hahha.. so guai.. even danny kor say mus reward mi lei.. hahha.. he's gonna buy mi ice cream.. ended up slpin late last nite.. and skipping this morning's lec..

hmm.. today lab lesson cancelled.. cher not ard.. bloody hell they should inform us earlier rite.. hahha.. den i think i wun come to sch.. hahha.. anyway i went to bishan wif jw and aini.. hee.. we had ya kun.. den i thought of serene.. hmm.. miss her.. but shall meet her very soon le.. hee.. shall not expose any of the sort here .. hahha.. i had a little chatting sesison wif gerald and papajo and aini in one of the tutorial rooms.. tts while waiting for an available lab to do out proj.. but haiz.. waited so long later we ended up leaving le..
hahha.. but i believe we all had a good time chatting.. bout so much.. hahha.. shh...

later we gonna watch movie after babys lesson.. hee.. book tickeets le.. hmm.. shall go bath and slack awhile first.. cya peeps..

fana.. take good care okies.. get well soon.. cya soon tml.. i got u something hee..

2005-11-21T04:19:00.000+08:00

not once but twice in a row..

i'll nv forget the look u gave mi wif ur eyes starin so fiercely the previous nite.. u know wat it tells mi?? it tells mi hatred.. tt u only hav hatred for mi.. cant wait to jus simply give mi a tight slap.. wat did i do wrong.. den again the following nite..

wat happen??wat the hell.. jus wat the hell did i do wrong?? estimated wrongly?? did i not cal u ?? its not as if i go out play? chiong? or at a fren's place.. im sorry.. i shall sit on ur shoes and ponder on myself.. i did not keep to my word bout going off in a short while.. i took longer than fifteen minutes.. we cleanly forgotten all about the whole stack of uncounted plates and containers back at the pantry.. we only concentrated on those outside ones.. we over estimated the amount we had to clear wif jus so little man power.. yea its our fault we handle it too lightly by having only three full time stayin back.. but tts the only amount of full time we hav in our outlet.. other than the manager himself.. but are you even interested to listen to my explanation? no.. you are too angry yourself to even cool down to catch a breath..

all these.. will u wan to listen to mi?? if i had said it out? you were boiling.. u were fuming mad.. u cant jus take in watever i say.. so wat for i say.. u will only say.. 'oh so now its my fault la.. ' so wat now?? how do u expect mi to carry on the conversation when its already not a conversation??

hav i been misbehaving? hav i always been playing missing in action? so hard for u to find? this is the very first time i cant account for my absence for u.. but tts also because im at work damn it.. its only the very first time..

whu would love to get shouted at after a long hard day at work? of all things..........

i know u are tired.. i know i eventually got u out of the house jus coz of mi.. i din mean to..

you know it.. that i hate i hate and i hate most to be shouted at.. of all things.. u had to jus do it your way.. and its only the one and only time i got too carried away wif my things.. and u had to flare up this way..

is it tt u are tired of mi already? tt im getting on ur nerves already? tts every little mistake i do will get u mad.. pls prove mi wrong i hope im really wrong.. coz u can jus flare up at mi at the slightest..

.. i tot u would understand tt there's a reason if i do not attend to my every calls .. i know i cant make u presume im still working.. but i did told u before tt i'll be late.. din i? all my frens say they were so so envious of mi.. coz i hav such a caring one.. to pick mi up.. to come out at such an hour.. i too felt touched.. really.. i feel good.. but at the same time i know im in for some shit.. so.. jus as expected..

its all my fault.. i should hav worn my expensive new watch.. i should hav carried my phone along wif mi all the way.. i should hav go checked my fone once in awhile.. i should hav.. but i din.. its all my fault..

u in the wrong?? of coz not.. u were jus concern bout mi being late home and my safety.. wat the hell am i thinkin.. how could i.. perhaps.. u are too tired now tt sch starts.. and ur bp raising.. i should hav tot of it.. im sorry im not caring and understanding enuff.. haiz.. how many sorry hav i wasted.. i..............

i jus hate to see u flare up.. really..

tts all i hav to say.. im heart brokened..

pls dun cut mi of like tt in the future.. i got.. haiz..

2005-11-21T03:50:00.000+08:00

once again i hav to be shouted at..

2005-11-20T02:17:00.000+08:00

its half past two and i jus got home from pubbing at meridien wif my grp of close sst gers.. coming to terms tt we are closing soon.. tml would be my last day at work le.. i miss them!! haiz..

with the great appreciation from dear who came to pick mi up.. so i wun hav to spent money on cabbie or sit fren's dad car.. love ya.. but i had to spoil the nite.. yea.. its mi who started it..

baby im sorry i got u to misunderstand mi.. i dun mean to even throw a temper at you or to find fault.. bleah.. shall not blabber much here.. jus wanna say.. u were not u when u flared up at mi.. i was really jus so taken aback.. tot u jus simply wanna give mi a tight slap and ride off rite away.. wif those glares.. i held back baby.. i was.. WAS scared.. but jus din wanna show it.. hope u dun get to see this entry.. i wun wanna tok bout it anymore..

im sorry..

now tt baby's in my living room.. i thank God for everything..

shall read mails le..

nite peeps..

2005-11-15T18:47:00.000+08:00

had a tiring day today.. lesson at nine.. was late as usual.. but least i attended the lesson.. better late den nv.. hee.. met baby after his lesson.. baby went ahead to book for his advance theory le.. hmm.. when will be my turn.. hee..

attended IT in logistics lec.. when i can rest and laze ard for another hr.. haha.. coz nowhere else to go.. yea.. so im glad im not takin tt module.. i can slp rite thru the lec and no doubts bout it.. haha.. borin sia.. the lecturer.. is those kind loh.. haha..

den i had entreprenuership.. yea in tht room beside bpos.. haha i missing tep times.. den later realise i wasnt in the same grp wif aini fana le.. haiz.. dun mention le.. haha.. nvm la.. whu ask mi groupin time din go sch.. haiz. so i end up wif budi and another two guys frm sbm.. how nice.

glad budi was still ard la.. but today's discussion din go well either.. i was blur.. cant expect anything much from mi since we met only like five mins ago.. den haiz.. all damn quiet kind.. die la.. den i really wasn working well in the brains le.. got no ideas to share.. siao liao.. den realise they made mi the leader too.. wth.. haha.. haiz. cher come den the two guys say mi and budi not talking.. only they contributing to the discussion.. haiz.. help mi somebody.. die liao.. din feel good bout it le.. haiz.. i hope things will turn out fine.. i believe it will be hard.. coz we hardly know each other. how to work together? and to even produce something?? i really hope things turn out fine eh??

later went to scan admin den decided to skip lec le.. too tired.. scared slp in lec sia.. saw jasper.. dewen.. baby say he saw jasper too.. hmm.. later got to realise joy finally finalised her stuff and is now in my grp wif fana and aini and johan.. hmm.. shall try to work really hard this time.. i try..

angry however..

had a hair trim.. hair had grown long and i dunno since when i had a trim le.. too long.. din take good care of my hair condition too.. haiz.. too dry and blah blah.. haha..

sis.. jus would like to leave u a note here.. can understand the feelin of joining a new batch and not having the same ppl ard u to pass the day.. but i hope u will do okie in time to come okies.. slowly ba.. anyways.. concentrate on studies can le.. not whether ur gers are there anot..wats important is they stay in ur heart.. i believe they've not forgotten u.. its time we find a day to meet up and chit chat okies ma?? i hope to hear from u too.. hee.. soon okies?? im only working till this week end le.. sushitei closing down on 21st.. haiz.. haha.. den i'l not worry not having the time to dine wif u le.. next week ba.. hao ma?? hang in there.. love ya sis..

baby.. i miss you..

2005-11-15T01:22:00.000+08:00

was quite bz recently.. it was my birthday.. hee.. some of my frens might think its rather pathetic.. spending ur birthday working away.. hee.. but i was fine and rather had fun working.. if not i also not doin anythin else.. besides on my birthday.. my sst gers celebrated my birthday for mi.. so sweet rite.. haha.. thank you so much.. especially to joyce june and zhenbei.. joan and angie and peiru and annabelle.. hee.. belle played an imp role tt day.. by tryin to 'act' normal tt day huh.. haha.. thankz thankz.. im really gonna miss you gers very very much.. really.. mus keep in contact okies..

baby im sorry i forgot u might took effort to take off jus to accompany mi tt day.. im sorry darl.. i appreciate the effort okies.. and thanx so much for all the trouble for the ice cream cake and presents.. i liked my new my melody cup and soft toy chain.. thanx to my sst gers.. i like my almond roca chocolate.. tts my fav amongst all chocolate.. hee.. but too much is no good i noe.. hee.. and thanks johan gerald and jon.. for the cute little pig.. i got a pig from u guys last yr too.. thankx.. really.. i will be able to create a pig farm soon.. hee.. thankx for a new bag from yasi.. and not forgetting sis.. thanx for ur little present.. :) baby.. thank you for the lovely presents.. the cake the time and effort spent.. really.. hee.. haven got down to really thank u.. but i was happie tt day.. really liked the watch and the jacket u got mi.. jus tt.. it happened to be of the same as a good fren of mine.. not to expose too lightly.. hmm.. anyway... i hope i did not offend anyone in any way okies.. no hard feelings.. peace to tt..

den on the day after my birthday.. the day sch reopens.. hee.. attended sushi tei 11th year anniversary dinner and dance.. it was held at new park hotel.. met up wif frens.. den went for the make up and styling.. haha.. had fun la.. drank only two glass.. haha.. ate very little though.. drank den danced.. den soon its time to go home.. haven got thetime to update the pics.. or should i say i nv really sat donw to do my pics.. jus too lazy.. its gonna be my last week working at far east sushi tei.. this coming fri sat and sun.. and den.. hmm.. i think i shall take a short break den maybe go look for other part times ba.. :) or i shall jus depend on my baby.. wahhaha.. muahahha..

sch reopens again.. and im already into my second week.. hmm.. grouping week's over.. now its time to start chewing up on notes and tutorials.. its my last yr last sem anywayz.. i hope to enjoy my last sem here... hmm.. hope all things go fine..**

baby.. jus a word to you..
thank u for having dinner wif mi after ur long day of sch.. i appreciate tt.. u did make my day somehow though it was going to end..u kept ur word afterall.. haha.. i even forgotten u said something sweet the nite before.. i promise not to anyhow think.. i'll try.. at the same time.. i hope things so well wif u and her and all ur frens.. i dunn wanna be an unreasonable b i t c h by gettin all paranoid over things tat are only imaginable.. baby help mi okies.. i hav so much more to say.. if only i could..

i love you darl..

nite..

happie birthday to you johan.. may all ur wishes come true.. and stay happy always..

yawnz..

2005-11-02T02:52:00.000+08:00

its tuesday.. the beginnin of a new week.. my sis.. and dear.. those in business sch.. all started their last semester le.. i've still one more week of holiday to go.. hmmz..

baby in my living room now.. watchin tv.. hee.. my bro.. gonna miss him in the coming few days he's not ard.. he's flying to cambodia.. haha.. for his mission trip.. sort of.. haha.. haiz..

these few days hav been rather tiring for mi.. weird.. backache.. den ankle ackle.. den heart ache.. seriously getting old le.. haha.. haiz.. dunno wats wrong wif mi too.. maybe its jus the sleep sleep and more sleep syndrome.. hee.. anywayz.. gonne go out to call dear in to sleep le.. take care peeps..

oh btw.. am looking forward to my dinner and dance on the 7 of nov.. which is also my first day of sch.. which is also one day after my birthday.. haiz.. my bro will not be ard though.. haha.. weird thinking bout how much boring it will be..

nite peeps..

2005-10-30T01:41:00.000+08:00

went for chalet early this week.. monday till wed.. had fun wif my frens.. made a new gd fren too.. guo liang.. hee.. his birthday on 5th nov.. one day older den mi.. hee.. his a gd fren to make.. muz thank jasper.. anyway.. chatted wif guoliang in the early mornin.. coz i couldnt slp well.. woke up early coz of gastric.. hee.. it was really fun havin him ard.. anyway.. throughout the whole chalet.. i had brought dear over too.. he came after his work.. i bet his tired out.. but i appreciate his effort.. really.. though we had a little squabble the second nite.. dear made frens wif few of my frens there.. hee.. cunxi came along too.. hee.. all in all.. i had fun.. but to an extend.. there was some thing somewhere.. somewat disturbed mi..

maybe all things happen too fast or maybe my eyes are seeing things too slowly.. haha if u know wat i mean.. firstly.. celine thanz for being there throughout the chalet from the beginning till we board the bus home.. thank jiawen for taking care of mi too.. and i bet u did enjoy ur sleep there huh?? hee.. thanz yugi and guoliang for accompanying mi to get my medicine wor.. touched.. hee.. guo liang for teaching mi to play mj too.. haha.. to yugi and celine.. we had a fun time going to the jacuzi and the steam bath.. wahaha we made jasper waited for us to come out. wahahha.. thank joey for having fun together wif us.. nice knowing u one step closer.. jasper.. thank you for telling mi more bout urself.. dewen and ivan for coming down and hav fun wif us too.. and to vash.. im disappointed wif u.. really.. i dunno wat to say.. anywayz hope u did enjoy urself..

end of chalet.. took bus 53 to baby place.. hee.. spent the day wif him.. yea!! missed baby so much.. i bet the rest would be home snoring away.. but we went out to meet dear's boss and den baby got mi a watch too.. too expensive and precious le.. i really love it.. a hundred percent.. if not for tt reason.. i would hav liked it for a hundred and one percent.. omg.. haiz.. watever.. thank you baby.. stayed over the second nite as well.. hee.. it rained..

went to work on fri.. everythings back to normal.. see frens preparin clothes for D&D.. haha.. im a little lazy and less enthu bout it suddenly.. tired.. today din go work.. woke up wif a back ache.. si ma.. its so painful till u cant even bend ur back to put on ur underwear!! wth.. wats more sit on the toilet bowl.. haiz.. sad day.. haha.. i had dear's company though.. its here in my heart.. hee.. i mus be nuts.. baby haven cal mi yet.. its 2.04am le.. haiz.. baby where are u.. i wan u home to rest early.. why its so hard for u to listen.. baby can u pls listen?? i love u baby.. come home early.. take care..

baby i feel we are like close as before.. am i rite sayin this?? or is it jus mi again.. i hope to remian this way forever.. i hope we share more too.. im really thankful for this period u're giving mi.. love you..

workin 10am tml.. nites..

** sis.. i missed you.. sch startin soon.. send mi a copy of ur timetable yea?? we'll keep a day free to meet again every week jus like when in yr1 sem1 time hao ma.. take good care of urself.. love ya..

2005-10-21T00:07:00.000+08:00

gd mornin all.. as early as my clocks says.. its 8.08am.. not tt i wake up early.. its tat i hav not touched my bed and hugged my pillows yet.. yea.. i couldnt slp.. but rather tired though..

end up lookin through some pics and deleting some old docs away.. com slowed down alot.. needa clear alot rubbish in my com le.. pics especially.. uploaded the pics i took on my baby's birthday.. and managed to send them to ah xi and sis..

its been quite awhile since i last wrote.. had been workin since last week thursday till this week mon.. straight five days... tiring.. yet fun.. get to be wif my sst gers.. getting kinda sad and anxious at the same time.. yea sushi tei far east outlet closing down le.. all whu are regular customers there.. quickly come down a few more times okie.. before u run out of opportunity to eat there.. i will miss the environment in there.. and workin wif the ppl there too.. customers.. especially imanaka san.. its been close to 6 weeks since i last saw him.. haiz.. missed him though..

wun get the chance to bring dear there to eat le.. not much time we've got since his on attachment still.. suddenly remembered zhen yi.. she left sst quite long ago le.. went over to fine dining at boat quey there.. asked mi along but i was still considering.. i remembered those times.. we were working together.. den there was once.. her bf came over to specially order yasai miso soup for her.. knowing it was her break time.. he paid and quickly left.. giving her a surprised.. haha.. still remember to shock face on her.. btw his called davindrance.. long name huh?! haha.. yea.. he's half a chinese and indian.. but he looked 100percent chinese loh..wadever.. at times he would sit in at sushi tei, order a glass of orange juice and read newspaper.. but everyone knows he's there jus to accompany zhenyi..speaking of which.. dear has never seen mi at work.. haha.. except jus for that one time i remember..when he came down to fetch mi after work.. as we are suppose to catch a movie.. i rem baby was feelin rather unwell den.. hmm.. so far.. yiling ger.. yasi.. danny kor.. cunxi.. jingwen came before.. ohya and esther.. haha.. and alvin too.. gonna miss far east sst.. btw im going for sst D&D.. hee.. yea!! baby agrees too.. heard i was going to be nominated for miss sushi tei.. i hope not.. embarassed myself onli.. haha.. be it june or annabelle.. i think beter den mi.. hah.. lookin forward.. hee..

hmm.. i jus watched two movies jus now.. oh i mean yesterday..haha.. the skeleton key and the 40yr old virgin.. if u would like to sit in for a gd laff.. the latter would be a gd one.. baby came to pick mi up after he sent his laopo bike for inspection.. hee.. we went j8 walk walk..saw cai hua.. told him things i felt maybe i shouldnt.. since its so long ago.. it looks as though im tryin to make them fall out as frens.. no intentions baby.. i jus wanna let u know.. coz i felt it was rather on impulse on her part.. wadever.. hee.. anyway.. we had teppan yaki at food junction.. hee.. food was okie.. everythin was okie.. of cos la.. my baby wif mi.. haha.. i feel baby gave mi the lead.. we had teppan yaki instead of dear's cartel.. we watched two movies instead of walkin ard town.. which was dear's intention.. hee.. machum i queen lei.. haha.. i am queen.. queen lyn.. wahhah..i had a good time wif my baby.. thank you baby.. its been a long time since i had a good time with you.. really.. i feel good.. dunno wats the difference but it felt real nice..

tot i was going to ruin dear's mood.. as i screwed things up the nite before.. i had advertly hurt alvin's feelins too.. din know how to help the situation.. so i shut him up.. haiz.. so not mi.. but it was getting on dear's nerves.. but that incident also helped us to get closer.. though i made him cry and made us lost our slp.. im sorry baby.. but thank you for still believing in mi.. really.. thank god we kissed and made up.. really..

we rested our eyes for an hr plus and dear had to wake up for his medical check up.. so i waited for him at his place.. feel so warm.. erm.. like my home yet so unfamiliar kind but its a sweet and infamiliar kind if u know wat i mean.. hmm.. his mum and dad was home.. talked wif his mum after i got up ard one.. haa.. she asked if is baby still havin alot gers coming after him.. haha.. and said.. he has a bad temper.. and its not gonna help if it goes on.. well im glad its gettin better though.. we talked bout serene too.. and about him goin on army.. den baby's mum also mentioned its rather difficult havin to please everyone in the family de..not an easy task.. take the chrysanthemum for example.. my baby likes it sweet.. while his sis doesnt.. haha.. hmm.. food for thoughts.. haha.. anyway.. i like the feelin of waiting for him at home to return home.. hee.. enuff said..

hmm.. quite amazing at how much u can get from a gal who din get any rest for the whole nite.. haha.. i hope baby.. will get enuff rest and get up early.. hav his lunch den go to work.. baby.. please be more normal can.. haha.. u really becoming more and more abnormal lei.. wan a healthy baby.. hao ma.. love you.. good nites..

**hav been thinkin through.. wat my other frens hav told mi before.. am i really considered stewpit at times .. but i feel its not easy being a stewpit gal too.. if one understands.. it pays off.. eventually.. i know it will..

nothin much

2005-10-13T16:54:00.000+08:00

its been long since i last blogged.. shall take the next five mins to quickly recap the ups and downs recently..

it was dear's twentieth birthday..happiest birthday to u darl.. all ya wished will come true okies.. haha.. and grow up le.. pls be a good boi.. hee.. stay handsome big and strong and stay my baby always okie.. i love u darl..

many things hav happen.. recently met up wif an old fren.. esther.. a close fren when we were still back in gb.. missed those days ma?? haha.. she got a new baby to take good care of.. hee.. happy for her la.. and also got to know a new fren there.. alvin.. nice knowing u.. tld u many times le.. u really look like my godbro.. hee.. take care dude..

anyways.. i have to thank kor.. sis and ah xi for comin down to cut cake wif dear.. kor thanx so much for accompanying mi the whole day lei.. i bet its tiring..u specially took off from camp jus to pei mi for his bday.. and thanks for listening too.. i will try to heed ur advice.. one can forgive.. but one cant forget easily.. muz remember that..

okies.. jus came back from dear's place today.. shall go get ready for work le.. i'll be working till sun.. den going on chalet on mon.. yeayea!! Joey!! celine!! miss ya gerls.. take care okies.. meet up soon.hee.. and Vash!! jiawen!! haha.. Jasper!! haha..

oh well.. time flies ppl.. till then take care..
take care baby.. i miss you..

huggies..

2005-10-03T02:42:00.000+08:00

its the end of my sch term's attachment.. this coming week would mark the beginning of my holiday.. bout a month of holiday..

jus when i tot things would slowly improve.. it's jus the opposite.. jus when i tot i hav got the understanding and trust of a close one.. it jus hav to be the other way round.. dunno how to do and wat to do.. anymore.. im really breathless.. speechless.. deep inside its really tiring to hav everyone on ur side..

enuff is enuff..

fri on the last day of my attachment.. went to hav dinner @chompchomp.. together wif the nine of us who are going for chalet.. si da mei nu and the four masketeers plus one more dewen.. tts mi celine yugi and joey.. vash jasper ivan jiawen and dewen.. after dinner at chompchomp.. we went to this place called the ambaralle's pub or something.. nice little cosy place to stay ard and chat.. we had fun chating and playin stewpit games.. had a drink or two.. baby's fine wif it..

sat went to work.. after so long.. felt i din go work for months.. haha.. worked full shift.. and i finally saw imanaka san.. missed him so so much.. stil tot wat happen to him.. so so glad to see him again.. and as usual i brought him his cold sake.. chatted awhile only.. that day was trash.. super busy.. first time i busy till very pek chek.. got scolded or rather given sacarstic remarks.. shall not bother talkin bout it le..

feelin so bad.. so down.. baby called.. so we decided to go catch a movie.. we were hesitating coz baby felt i was reluctant.. catch'the dukes of hazzard' wif korkor.. we saw baby's fren desmond too.. and my old sick classmate.. eee yer.. disgusting... mentioning him only gimme goosebumps le..

sun i was late for work.. first time ever so late.. start work at ten.. and i woke up only at ten.. how nice.. reached ard 1030 ba.. haha.. after work went to paragon sushi tei.. wif beibei and june and xinxian.. to celebrate angie's bday.. happie birthday ger.. 21st birthday le.. freedom le ger!! im awaiting mine.. stay pretty okies.. love ya!!

all the way till now as im blogging.. im still so heart broken..
is everything slowly dying on mi soon..

baby im glad i still hav u..
love you..
goodnight..
ur little princess.. awaits her freedom and destiny..

fcuked up!!

2005-09-13T13:39:00.000+08:00

i had a glimpse of myself in the future.. behaving the way jus like my mother is.. i fear it would be reality.. i feel more like her.. especially when i shouted and lost myself the other nite.. i became so ridiculously unreasonable.. had the feeling of hatred, annoyance, disturbed and lonely all at once.. no one.. NO ONE will ever understand.. how it would hav felt..
jus like a small helpless littly fly.. being smacked to the bottom of the ground.. no one will ever notice.. no one will ever bother.. no one to empathaise or even sympathise on.. pathetic.. tts mi..

had this feelin so strong.. *&^%$#@!

i appreciate ppl whu care for mi and loves mi.. but do they care and love mi for whu i am? or are all human jus another bunch of hyprocrates??

i feel...
dear needs to be taken care of.. dear needs attention.. everyone needs attentions.. dear wans a good girl.. who listen's to him.. all his do's and dont's.. dear needs someone whu can give more.. more than mi.. all these.. i feel i cant achieve.. as im growing more towards learning the attitude of mother... this irks mi.. a whole lot.. how to explain? how to expect one to understand when u cant even explain it on ur own?? help..

i feel...
i need to be taken care off too.. i need attention too.. i wan someone to listen to my nonsence too.. someone who can give so much not askin any for return.. sounds like im askin for god.. maybe i should ask for god's help.. its been a long time since i last talked to god in heart and share wif him.. help..

i feel tired.. emotionally, physically and mentally..

i feel im being a nuisance.. im giving up hope.. on myself.. leaving it all plainly to fate.. for it to tell mi the directions in life..

it was a close shave..back den on jiu yue jiu hao.. (9Sep) dear say.. all those.. it felt so so real.. to mi its jus like a truth le.. please dun ever let history repeat again okies.. its hard for mi to feel alright again.. dun u know.. even till the next day.. i dun even feel natural callin u dear anymore..

i feel as though we are already going on seperate ways.. even though we met that nite..
i was contented and relieved when u finally open your mouth and finally spoke to mi.. so happie that i realise i got u back to my side..cant wait to see you.. so happie i got choke tryin to tell u im glad u finally spoke to mi.. but in the very next min.. im not at all happie..its feels so weird.. i feel im living on a chance only.. do u understand.. i feel im not loved anymore.. i hav caused u too much disappointment..

please dun let mi feel u dun wan mi anymore.. if so tel mi straight.. and tts it and i'll try not to cry and walk away forever le..okies.. or it'll feel weird.. u understand?

though u emphasized everything is fine already.. but im in the state of mixed feelings le.. already lost myself in thoughts le.. i need u to pull mi out from it..

since we seldom talk bout ur feelings.. i shall guess..
i guess u feel.. lost too..mus be asking youself wats happen to mi.. to begin changing.. and giving up on myself.. wheres the cute little innocent adeline.. why do i hav to add on to your endless stress at work and money and time.. and in time to come.. you're going to army.. maybe sumtimes u even wonder.. why in the first place.. mi?? why is it mi.. i feel.. u mus be very sad.. that i've changed.. and that u blamed yourself for not being able to guan wo.. you feel very lousy.. very tired too?? u wan a change in life.. cant wait for something big to happen.. to sickenin of this routine life le.. is that wat u're thinkin dear?? thinkin that why is it always so hard for mi to stay over your place even jus for one nite.. why so hard for mi to get my parents trust.. why do i hav to hav a family that behaves so differently from the rest of the familes.. why a weird family.. why do i hav to be the one u love and hate at the same time.. is that wat u thinking dear?? actually its quite fun though.. trying to guess what u could hav been thinkin all these while.. yea theres more.. i wanna be the worm in your brains in my next life.. so i can be in ur head all these while.. and yet know wat u're thinking all the time.. haha.. i mus be mad..

i miss you again.. im thinking of you again.. u're always on the back of my head.. above everything or anything i do.. always think bout u.. forgive mi for feelin scared.. but i feel im walking on thin ice.. i'll fall anytime.. are you thinking of mi.. do u ever miss mi.. maybe u did.. but i dunno only.. coz u wun say out too..

im slowly regaining conscious.. but i need u ard still.. help mi out.. okies??

2005-09-09T11:14:00.000+08:00

Life's Struggles

A man found a cocoon of an emperor moth. He took it home so that he could watch the moth come out of the cocoon. On the day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the moth for several hours as the moth struggled to force the body through that little hole.

The moth seemed to be stuck and appeared to have stopped making progress. It seemed as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. The man, in his kindness, decided to help the moth; so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The moth then emerged easily. But its body was swollen and small, its wings wrinkled and shriveled. The man continued to watch the moth because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to and able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the little moth spent the rest of its life crawling around with a small, swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

The man in his kindness and haste did not understand that the struggle required for the moth to get through the tiny opening was necessary to force fluid from the body of the moth into its wings so that it would be ready for flight upon achieving its freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only come after the struggle. By depriving the moth of a struggle, he deprived the moth of health.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets, and don’t forget the power in the struggle.

~i miss you baby.. am really thankful for u.. for everything.. all the happie or sad moments.. all the happie and sad tears u brought to mi.. im thankful u entered my life then.. i love u.. thank you..

2005-09-07T10:24:00.000+08:00

no one should

shout at the top of their lungs at their loved ones..
no one should

point fingers at their loved ones..
no one should

make one another cry jus cause u're in a foul mood ..
no one should

wake the whole family up in the middle of the night..
no one should..

but i did..

im hurt..

speechless..

**lost it.. i totally lost it..

baby..

2005-09-07T10:06:00.000+08:00

mondae.. 5/09

went home as usual after work.. din go find dear though i felt like it..
felt lonely somehow.. din feel rite.. dun wanna go home..

had noddles den went out to meet anto and sis and bro.. yasi was ard too.. wif jasmine and jj i think.. not too sure.. guys left and i was left alone talkin to anto.. felt his pain.. haiz.. so big le still like one small kid kind.. only think of others.. chatted awhile den went home le..

went home.. din feel well.. vomited my dinner.. my noodles..
msg dear and had a pleasant talk..
my baby jus made my day though its already the end of the day le..
thank you baby..

**listening to my frens' one by one.. listen their stories.. suddenly feel im really lucky to hav u ard dear..jus like a jigsaw puzzle and the missing piece.. its u i feel.. that made mi complete.. my missing piece.. glad i found you..

2005-09-02T14:37:00.000+08:00

hmmz... went baby place yesterday.. hope baby slept well.. rushed a little.. coz i din wanna be too late.. was already runnin late le.. den almost forgot to take my uniform for work later.. im sorry i know i shouldnt even be workin today.. evn more tml..

came to work.. waited for bus 31 for quite some time.. finally it came.. den reached scs only.. it rained like dunno wat.. so cold in here.. den faster meet huiling to clarify mistakes to amend.. den finished it all in half hrs time.. i took the whole day to do same thing yesterday.. wth.. haha.. so glad dear called.. jus wanna brighten him up.. but i hav to disappoint him.. i know its my fault.. regrettin now..

sharp pain in my tummy jus now.. den later went out for lunch loh.. felt not rite.. den went to toilet.. and holy shit.. of all times it had to be now..aunts visit wth.. joey acc mi all the way.. thanx ger.. went to the stewpit small cramped toilet.. den went to line up to get cash at the posb.. its drizzlin already.. not rainin.. den went to 7 eleven.. buy 'mian bao'.. den ger went buy food first.. so i decided to go find another toilet.. found one at the opp hawker.. this time need pay so i tot better environment maybe.. went in quite clean.. later found out all the toilet bowl choked loh!! stewpit.. only the last cubicle 'safe' to go in de.. haiz.. no appetite.. but ate finish my food anywayz.. yea.. kept lookin at my phone coz im hopin maybe to receive a msg from dear..prolly his restin or sleepin ba.. left hawker time started to rain like mad dogs again.. yea.. so took cab back to scs.. haha.. got rid of all my nine ten cent coins tt i paid in return for my toilet trip.. wth.. back in office le.. cold.. begin to realise my moods changin.. sianz.. msg al my frens to ask if anyone can help mi at 12 to 4 tml.. but no one replied.. only june.. all the way till now.. den they reply say not free.. sianz liao.. i really wanna pei dear..

his doc changed his antibiotics for him.. a stronger one.. extend his mc till sat.. my baby's really sick.. there's one thing i dread now.. him not letting mi to visit him.. baby take care.. shant disturb u le.. hope u'll leave mi a msg once in a while to tel mi u're fine okies.. take care baby.. i love u okies.. rest well..

2005-09-02T14:01:00.000+08:00

sat.. 27/08

happie birthday to hui fen and shermaine jie..
went to work.. din get to use the phone.. left it charging at home..
went home wif june.. long time no go home wif june le.. :) anyways.. i've got to see Imanaka san againz.. :) but i can see he looks so frail and pale..he got sick.. too sick to even talk much wif mi that day.. i jus stood by in case he wans to order more.. he still goes for his lessons though he's sick.. wat a nice old responsible and stubborn man.. haa.. meant it as a joke.. but his sick so should rest at home rite.. hmm.. heart pain.. im using the little dolphin chain that he gave to mi as a little present for the pen i made him.. i liked it.. its on my new phone now.. always wif mi.. hee.. somehow his like a grand pa to mi..

sunday.. 28/08

worked..
baby fetched mi home:)

mondae.. 29/08

woke up early morning.. brought along my pants to alter my zip.. yea it burst on mi.. haha.. fat liaoz.. haha.. but stewpit mi forgot to bring it along wif mi after work.. left it in the office.. so went headed back to bishan.. met bro for dinner.. i had teriyaki chicken.. bro had beef noodles.. i regret my chicken.. not nice wan..

baby jus a little msg for u if u happen to see this.. next time jus wait a little while longer.. and you'll hear from mi le okies..

tuesdae.. 30/08

daddy!! i love u!! happie birthday..

my baby started to feel unwell le.. fallin sick soon.. after work i headed to city hall.. wen to look for dear.. :) planned to go alter my pants.. but decided to skip the trip to orchard so i can meet dear faster.. i jus couldnt stand to go all the way to orchard make pants.. den go back to suntec again.. so happie saw dear.. waited.. watched tom and jerry wahaha.. farni.. den i saw june!! haha.. even farni.. chatted awhile..

i shake tear.. couldnt help gettin shocked.. baby dun give mi heart attacks anymore okies.. :) glad i din spoil the night.. :) after dear fang gong dear bring mi go eat dou hua.. nice nice.. bought mi dan dan tart too.. nice nice.. can feel baby wanna no more energy le.. accompanied mi a lil while den he went home le..

wed.. 31/08

had dinner wif mum and dad and bro.. at bar and billard restaurant.. those whu went before.. should noe the ambience is kinda warm.. and nice to sit ard and talk and talk and talk.. hhaha.. played billard too.. ya but i was foolin ard.. dad opened a bottle of red wine too.. but i dunno how to enjoy.. haha.. ya..

mybaby is on the back of my head.. went home earlier den usual as his feelin unwell..

thursday.. 1/09

my baby took a day off.. got an mc.. went to his place to visit him after work.. sat bus wif joey.. enjoyed the bus ride ger.. :) accompanied baby.. watched superstar wif him.. he was rather easily agitated but i guess he din realise it.. but its okie.. it's all coz of the mood swings arising from him not feelin well.. huggies baby.. fed him.. hee.. sick still eat rice.. ya.. i so lousy.. din bring him food or sort.. guilty strikes.. lucky my baby ate his rice and had his medicine.. din hav difficulty eating his rice.. if not i sure wan cry liaoz.. my baby sent mi down.. shouldnt even let him downstairs.. but he so stubborn.. even watch also bought le.. haiz.. dunno wat to say tt stubborn pig..

2005-09-02T13:45:00.000+08:00

yes.. i did meet up wif dear last thursday.. it was splendid.. though i was bearing the pain on my neck and back.. it was worth it..

i went home after work to wait for dear.. and mins later dear called sayin his downstairs le.. off we went to marina south for steamboat.. yea.. den i was already experiencing the numbness to my limbs le.. got a little frightened.. din wan spoil the mood.. jj was ard.. so carried on eating.. later it got better le.. after dinner we all decided to go esplanade.. halfway thru jj bike no petr. le.. so he went off first loh..

yes so its jus me and dear on our way to esplanade.. yes.. its the first time jus the two of us.. trying to gao lang man.. wahhaa... dear was laffing at us tryin to act lo man tic huuh.. wahaha.. but we sat there by the waters.. and talked.. and talked.. and talked.. it was good.. to hav talks like these.. i wan more dear.. all these while dear massaging my back.. it feels good.. really.. but its still hurting once u stop again.. :'( i appreciate it anyway baby.. lub you.. wish time would jus hold there.. but i know good things comes to an end.. whether u wan it or not.. so when dear say its time to go.. though reluctant.. i jus quickly got off the seat and we left loh.. :) its better to leave it as that.. sweet little memories.. :)

den dear sent mi home.. bring mi to bed.. and accompanied mi the whole nite.. yea.. baby stayed over.. din go work on fri.. baby acc mi to the doc's.. even took off to acc mi.. how sweet can that be.. really felt like punchin myself to see if im dreaming.. anyway felt quite guilty though.. dear was having the remorse feeling that he shouldnt do that.. on attachment anywayz... so all the more he should be responsible bout his work.. but im beginning to feel that dear's gonna fall ill.. coz the hectic timetable he hav to follow.. not being able to adjust.. and looking at the time he goes to bed at nite.. its jus getting later and later.. wat can i do... haiz..

enjoyed the time spent together though.. den acc mi buy phone.. i bought panasonic .. VS2.. nice appearance.. handy.. its a flip.. like it anywayz.. pei dear home den dear pei mi home.. wahahha..

hmm.... dotz dotz..

2005-08-25T17:50:00.000+08:00

its the third time.. i wan to meet dear wearing this turtle neck top..
knowing i would meet him.. wore it today.. but told dear im quite tired.. no mood.. should hav shut up.. now i wun know if i still get to meet him today le..

hope to see u baby..

not good not good..

2005-08-24T13:57:00.000+08:00

head's spinning...
my neck's stiffed..
jus find it so hard to concentrate on my work.. cant sit properly.. my lower back hurts each time i cough or i sneeze or even laff.. and even when i leave it alone..

help..

guess im jus prolly tired.. anywayz i had a dream.. which seem so so close to reality.. had a hard time tellin myself its all jus a dream.. i dreamt of the girl.. who had the privilidge of being the first to be loved so deeply.. by my baby.. i had an admiration for her.. feel.. she's brave.. to behave the way she wans.. to get all the attention she ever wanted from him.. get him to do her bidding.. definitely more secure in the matters of the heart.. but why had she to spoil a beautiful person.. and changing him for ever..maybe.. maybe everything happens for a reason.. besides i dun really know the whole story..im jus jealous at times when i compare.. coz i noe i can never never.. ever receive the same feeling how she would hav felt years back.. coz its jus deep down in mi already.. its planted and rooted in mi that i hav to jus accept things the way they are.. im different and she's different.. no comparison.. bad for health.. haiz.. aniwayz.. its okie if no one understands wat im sayin here.. its hard to explain though..

anywayz.. i dreamt she looked mi up.. and we had the longest day together.. we went shoppin ard.. but end up bought nothing.. we went ard talkin bout the secondary sch days.. we went singing..den we went to the beach and watch the sunrise.. stayed on to watch the stars.. den she started to open up on the motive of wanting to meet mi.. she said she needed baby back.. pleaded with mi to give up baby.. and let her hav her precious one back.. she said after so long she cant .. jus cant let go totally.. and would wish for a second chance.. blah blah.. and i did the silliest thing ever.. i said okie.. i did not hold on to wats mine for now.. wat a let down!! bleah.. i said fine~ if thats wat she wans.. and i tried to hole back my tears.. and we were there hugging each other as though we are very close good frens.. i did not cry.. den i said i hav a condition.. only after my baby's birthday will i return her baby.. she agreed.. told her..that he is a totaly different guy from wat u used to know bout him previously.. he's more a patient man.. no more a boy.. but he's like a baby at times.. so dun ever try to test his patience or he might return to his old self.. he would like to watch tv late into the nite before he slowly drift to sleep.. he vroom vroom ard.. and gets very stubborn when i ask him to put on his raincoat if its raining.. he would pick u up and give u surprises.. and i tell her things like dun say things which he dun like.. keep telling him to sleep early and not watch too much tv.. he will listen to u de.. (i'll keep trying..) remind him to smoke lesser.. sleep early wake up early.. and trust him most importantly.. dun let him feel u dun trust him or he might think the vice versa way about u.. keep telling him his lookin fine wif his new haircut.. not tt he dun but its the truth.. keep bringing him surprises.. he likes it.. whu doesnt.. blah blah.. it goes on and on..

yes and while im tellin her all these.. im takin a puff.. along the sands of the beach.. yes im smokin.. in my dreams..

nuff bout my dreams.. took train to work as usual.. at the third station, a couple came in.. cant help but keep staring.. that item.. they both look so perfect together.. guess the girl was still tired.. as the train was packed, she leaned on him.. his shoulders.. and he.. embraced her in his arms.. strokin her on the back.. guess the reason why i stared so long is prolly coz i admire their compatibility ba.. their height.. or rather her height.. haiz.. y am i so not tall.. dun ever use the word short on mi.. im not.. jus not tall.. haha.. watever ..

k lah.. got new assignment to rush le.. hope i can do a good one and hand it in by today.. miss ya baby.. huggies..

2005-08-22T14:49:00.000+08:00

im becoming wat i dun like bout myself..

help..

ever wondered??

2005-08-11T14:02:00.000+08:00

caught this from another site.. rather intriguing..

ever wondered??

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why are there 5 sylables in the word "monosylabic"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?

happie sha lala..

2005-08-08T11:55:00.000+08:00

hmm.. i've been starin into thin air.. jus got a mental block for ahwile.. couldnt recall..

fridae..5/8

went to catch a midnight movie wif dear after sushi tei closed..went suntec look for dear.. it was a last min decision at bish.. saw a fren.. which seem to remind us both of another fren.. his good fren.. hmm.. dunno y but suddenly felt gloomy le.. decided to shake off tt feelin.. after which.. dear ask if hungry.. wan bring mi go eat nasi goreng.. i wan.. but stomach abit unwell.. we went there still.. later after reachin i ask dear if will he get mad if i say i dun feel like eatin already.. dear flashed a smile at mi den drove off le.. dear so patient wif mi rite.. haiz.. went home to bath den sleep le.. hee..

sat..6/8

woke up at 315pm.. hee.. msg dear and he was at work le.. brought kino down for a walk den bathed him.. hee.. do my stuff.. a lil tv and den soon it was dark already.. msg dear.. den bath.. den packed my clothes.. lazy to start packing my table and books le.. another day ba.. haiz.. been procrastinatin for so long le.. at nite.. packin my cupboard halfway dear called.. ask mi go slp early.. coz the next day bringing mi go zoo. hee.. ZOO!!! hee.. so happie loh.. hav been waiting.. haha..
but later din know i would even meet up wif dear lei.. hee.. chatted on the phone wif yiling ger.. miss her.. hope she's fine le.. ger gotta recover soon okies.. if not how to take tp... hor~ anyway glad to hear how hav u been recently.. will meet up one day ba..
after chattin liaoz den i changed den went down le.. hee.. dear bring mi go eat nasi goreng.. yeayea.. hee.. got home bout 2am ba.. hee..

sun..7/8

woke up surprisingly at 815am.. hee.. msg dear.. dear cal wif a sleepy voice.. wahhaha.. together wif danny kor and jj.. they picked mi up.. den later we share a bowl of yong tao fu.. nice nice.. hee.. and we were ready to go to the ZOO liaoz.. hee..

way there.. hugged dear.. way back also hug dear..
hee..

anywayz... shall patiently wait for my dear to upload the pics den i can hav my share le.. yea.. hee.. we saw penguins, polar bears.. sun bear.. giraffe.. white tigers, lions, leopards, cheetah, orang utans.. baboons.. hee.. saw them mating too..wahhaha.. hee.. many many more.. but din get to take a pic wif the snakes nor the orang utans.. haha..

though tired le..we still decide to head for escape theme park.. hee.. yea.. we are crazy.. hee..
played whole day le.. tired le.. baby ride us home.. den he came up too.. pei mi awhile.. help mi rub my back.. coz i hit myself while on panasonic.. it was super fast when we ride it yesterday.. dunno why.. even dear felt scared the very first time.. geez..

still i enjoyed yesterday very much.. thanx dear.. :) i love u.. mus be resting now.. take care.. goodnight..

sup jus came over.. got work to do le..

heart breaks..

2005-08-04T09:31:00.000+08:00

thursdae.. 4/8

yesterday met my baby.. din go out in the end.. coz celine on mc.. so maybe postpone le..
my sweetie came to fetch mi from work.. den we went to our same old place for movie.. collect tickets.. went to orchard walk walk.. couldnt decide on wat to eat again.. haha.. settled on burger king.. hee.. we both felt like it there finally in the end..

had a talk during our burgerdinner.. yea but i only managed to express myself jus halfway through.. there are so many things which i cant really put it down to words.. i need a break.. am feelin rather lost.. and aimless in direction.. where am i heading.. why am i doin certain things not for myself.. why this why that.. suddenly so many flashbacks.. memories.. yea.. den i begin to compare myself wif many of the luckier ones deep inside.. den i felt its so unfair in life at times.. so much going through at once i felt i need a grip..

tot we din get each other's message across in the first place.. but i was so delighted contented satisfied when we've both realise we reach the opposite's understanding.. tat feelin is maybe wat i call bondin between one another..

so much for a talk wif my dearest..

my baby is havin a paper to sit for this friday.. which is tml.. Human Resource Management i think tts wat it is.. and dear chose to meet mi instead of stayin home ['to hav the pursuit of knowledge as by reading observing or doin a research on a particular module'..] to study.. haha..

yes i know im so very lucky.. dear could've prolly stayed home to relly start study.. but it actually occured to him tt when his attachment starts, he would hav lesser time for mi le.. so tt explains him wantin to pei mi more.. so sweet rite.. aww... wahahahah... relly in paradise..

i know i've hurt him the day before.. i know i owe him an apology.. for all the sacarsm mum did.. she behaved so immature and hypocratic.. and i hated tt!!! shall not disclose coz its nothin nice either..

heart breaks.. how do i show mum the soft sweet and caring side of dear.. tt he can be so understanding to even tell mi to accept mum the way she is.. diff ppl diff personality.. and tell mi not to worry tt it din even bother him so why should i be so bothered bout mum.. how do i know wat to say next at all?!! jus cant accept the true cruel fact tt mum is mum.. why... haiz.. im so very embarassed and sorry bout the whole thing.. i felt the uneasiness in dear.. if not for mi.. he wun be there at all.. the feelin i hav for dear is ful of gratitude appreciation and thankfullness and apologies and debtful.. i dunno how to explain.. i hate mum.. im sorry to all whu holds mum dearest to their hearts.. im sorry but i hate mum.. relly feel disgusted.. at the .. oh forget it.. dun let mi start or all the shit will come out..

gonna work after work today.. at sushi tei.. they so good to let mi hav a timing at 7pm to closing.. no one works tt hours.. haha.. only mi!! haha.. the only thing i worry is timing.. can i rush over intime.. we shall see..

need to catch a breath outside.. its too cold in here le..

miss you baby.. study hard okies..

am so looking forward to sunday.. hee.. am thinkin bout it the whole week le.. since last week when u told mi we were going to zoo.. hee..
be good study hard okies.. mi will buy u a present de..
:)
love u always..

2005-08-01T14:51:00.000+08:00

jus back from lunch..

recalling back yesterday.. dear brought mi out to play.. fly kite!! though there wasnt enough wind.. but dear manage to fly it quite high for awhile.. :) dear din wanna give up even though danny was like begging to go.. wahahha.. dear wasnt satisfied or happie bout coming out to fly kite and this was wat we got.. jus wanna keep flyin..but i feel is coz of mi.. coz i wan fly it high.. later dear even say sorry coz we din get to fly much.. i felt so bad its coz of mi.. dear sweat so much.. in the sun..

baby its not ur fault.. silly boi.. later we walked under shelters and along the highway to suntec.. hee.. hot sun.. we all feel baked.. hee.. later went to kbox.. for a short one and half hr.. den back to bish.. took bus.. yea!! bus.. its been a long long time.. hee.. had our dinner den went back home.. dearhughug.. den left le.. wan mi go bath straight away.. so i listened.. went to bath le..

was thinkin back i had a long tiring day but it was fun jus when wif dear.. jus thinkin how nice if dear was still around.. bath hao le came out.. den i saw deardear loh!! sitting on the sofa.. hee.. dear came back.. den decided to stay over.. :) yea.. had our little supper while watchin tv.. till 1plus den go sleep le..

dear hugged mi to sleep.. oh gawd..

slept well..

this morning dear sent mi to work.. and we were early!! even had breakfast.. suddenly i feel we've reached another level closer.. i dunno if its mutual feelings.. but i hope dear feel the same way too..

suddenly it suddenly occured to me that dear's gonna be serving our nation soon ..
real soon .. haiz..

hav completed the assignment from my sup.. this morning before lunch.. till now im a lil free.. but worried too.. coz like got nothing to do.. scared later not graded well enuff.. hmm.. wann go look at movie previews le.. dear was thinking of a movie.. hee!!

tataz..

at work..

2005-07-28T16:55:00.000+08:00

..

i hav so much to share .. wasnt in the best of health recently..in the past two days tt i was sick.. dear kept mi company.. bought mi food and make sure i was well fed and medicated.. very nice warm feelin i get.. but i know dear doesnt like comin over.. i appreciate it all deardear.. lublub u..

am in my office.. at my desk rite now.. jus came back from a coffee break wif celine joey and gang.. not feelin too good in my stomach.. dun wanna think about it..
this is going to ba a routine for mi in the next eleven weeks.. (10 weeks remaining).. hope i'll tide over this antartica period and produce good work for my supervisors and bring home an A.. hee...

missin aini and jw.. and wonderin if they'd be fine in their own company.. will keep all in prayers.. to be fine and in best of healths coz it seems like everyone is falling sick one by one..jw.. celine.. all in sch.. whether havin lessons or tep.. sis too.. missed her..and most importantly baby musnt fall sick.. exams comin soon.. soon two weeks will be over.. and i should be having much more work to do le.. hope i can still cope wif it as it comes..

[[as time pass.. i am really wishin more and more for a room of my own.. realised i really need my own space.. but how do i do?? where do i start?? i dunno.. never liked going home.. really missed times when da was still ard.. ]]

[[wish jw and david will come together once again.. relly hate to see them in this state.. especially now tt jw's sick.. all the more she needs her baby to be ard.. i relly wish i could do something to help.. but its best to leave it to the both themselves.. take care ger..]]

[[even without meeting as often le.. she's always remembered.. sis.. hope u are doin fine on ur own and as a couple.. still managing well u two love birds ma?? stay cheerful and healthy okies..miss ya much much.. take care of ur self.. told mi to update.. so here it is.. hee.. huggies..]]

[[aini ger.. haven heard from u so so long le.. take care..huggies.. free meet up for dinner or sort ya?? do miss u too u noe??!]]

[[fana ger.. say hi to yasser for mi eh.. haha.. enjoyin back in sch??take care okies.. chat again.. do take care of urself.. u helped mi a great deal in settling down in scs..]]

baby.. my prince.. hee.. lemme guess wat u're doin.. watchin tv at home or slpin ma?? hmm.. outside wif jj or jimmy?? or roamin the streets tryin to impress little girls wif ur little magics.. hee.. watever it is wherever u are.. i wan u take care ah.. i've been tellin u le.. countless nights.. but it seems u really need some spankin before u can listen up.. to go to bed earlier.. i noe u may need some time off.. all to urself.. everyone needs tat.. and the only time u can find to relax is when u feel the whole world is asleep and u jus wan to relax and lie on ur bed under ur covers and in front of ur tv.. and slowly go to slp.. but baby all i ask is for u to rest earlier.. i did rest earlier le.. and u said u would follow suit.. baby prove it okies.. i'm still waiting.. for ur goodnight msg before i hit dreamland.. i only wan plentiful rest for u.. luv u baby..

jus for laffs...

2005-07-12T01:45:00.000+08:00

Just for laffs..

Why Singlish is better ..Use Singlish.
It's so much cheaper, shorter, faster.
Why do we insist on using the Queen's English, when Singlish is so much more economical and effective? Compare and see!

When going shopping...
Britons : I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment,I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans: No Stock!

When returning a call...
Britons : Hello, this is Mr Bean. Did anyone page for me a few momentsago?
S'poreans: Hello, who page?

When someone is in the way...
Britons : Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way? S'poreans: Siam lai! or Siam, hor! or Skius!

When someone offers to pay...
Britons : Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
S'poreans: no need lah

When asking for permission...
Britons : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me toenter through this door?
S'poreans: (while pointing at door) Can pass or Not?

When asking to be excused...
Britons : If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment. S'poreans: Go toilet. Buay tahan ahh.....

When entertaining...
Britons : Please make yourself right at home.
S'poreans: Don't shy shy lah..

When doubting someone...
Britons : I don't recall you giving me the money.
S'poreans: Got meh?

When deciding on a plan of action...
Britons : What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out & all the restaurants are closed?
S'poreans: So how?

When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...
Britons : Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the policy.
S'poreans: Talk cock lah you!

When asking someone to lower their voice...
Britons : Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
S'poreans: Eh, Tiam leh!

When asking someone if he/she knows you...
Britons : Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
S'poreans: See what see?!

2005-07-02T01:16:00.000+08:00

wednesdae..29/06
my baby came over my place after his lessons on wednesday.. den we booked tickets for the show war of the world.. nice show.. not really realistic.. but tts the way its suppose to be ba i guess.. all movies..

we dropped by the bank.. and asked bout openin a savings account.. a savings account!! i was the one who initiated a joint account.. but the whole idea seem to be forgotten le.. for quite some time le.. den suddenly dear seem so enthu bout it.. dear became so interested.. im so surprised.. but happy deep down... we took a queue number.. and waited.. and waited.. but time was running.. den we tot we might be late if we still dun go.. so decided to come back again some other time.. den i remember dear the customer service officer.. how long will the procedure take?? and is it okie if i come back again.. but without her.. (as in without mi.. ) cso said i hav to be there coz its a joint account.. i was thinkin .. maybe dear din wan a joint account.. den again i remembered dear say somethin else... quite sad.. coz dear sound as though he's the one getting a new account instead of US.. anywayz.. din think much bout it la..

with dear's estimation, we left bank and arrive ps at the right timing.. hee.. bought cheesey hotdog.. and minute maid's lemonade.. NICE!! muz drink.. hee.. our new favourite.. bit hungry after show.. so i suggested noodle omelette..dear seem reluctant.. but we went there anywayz.. together wif zh.. but ltr we had a misunderstandin.. tt left mi and him standin there rite in the middle of nowhere.. squabbling away.. had a bit of argument.. but there wasnt any violence not to worry.. hee..jus suddenly realise dear is still as temperamental as ever.. within a sec he can spark up a fire.. i dunno.. but im all to blame.. pure stupidity.. but this time i admit i was darin to say a few words.. to talk when i feel the need to.. not jus stand there all the way and let him talk to a block of wood.. but dear misunderstand tt i was answerin back or wat.. anywayz.. its over.. we kissed and made up.. but i got no hug coz.. of my stupidity again..

glad tt whole thing was over soon.. and we were fine afterwards.. hope dear's really fine inside.. coz i dun really know wat he was thinkin when he went off like tt while i was talkin to him.. din like it though.. spoiler..
anywayz.. we had our dinner wif jj and zh.. at the place where it costs 70++ bucks for a plate of wanton noodles.. hee..

im sorry dear..

thursdae..30/6
returned to sch.. was feelin even more tired these days even wif the absence from sch.. dunno why.. was lookin forward to hit the bed once home.. but met up wif esther.. coz i felt she needed to talk.. empathise wif her la.. hope she'll be fine.. was thinkin its gonna take awhile.. but i return home wif dear.. to pack up my stuff and go dear place.. and had to slam the door shut wif my bro shoutin at mi as i leave.. hurt man..

why cant he jus understand its mi the one whu's takin in all the rumblings and naggings from ah po.. i noe his jus tryin to help make mi feel better.. but i cant jus ignore coz i do really wan to help u to go to bed earlier so u can get up early the next day.. i called u not once or twice.. i called u a zillion times even bfore i go out to meet esther... and when im back!?!? i see u on the com playin games!!! if its forum or mail at least better.. but games?? over games u shout at mi?? u are really one tamade big fat bad egg man..

Dun Do Tat Again!!

went over dear place.. watched tv.. dear went bath.. such a good boy.. hee.. but i pissed dear off at my carpark.. so sad.. coz i noe dear tryin to talk to mi.. help mi feel better.. but the way i answered him kinda pissed him off ba.. den he went fast on the road loh.. all the way.. was so scared i might fly off his bike man.. but im sorry dear.. im really tired.. din even hav the mood to move le.. nt even ur house.. really tired.. but i feel bad turnin u down.. and u said ur ma cooked.. so ya..

anyway i feel very nice and homely to be able to eat at ur place.. though not like alot ppl eat together or wat.. but i love ur ma's dishes.. even though simple ones can be so delicious.. den i drank the soup.. den only i suddenly tot of da..
really miss da so so much.. i teared for some time while eating... sorry if i spoil ur mood.. but i really couldnt control.. summore bro shouted at mi.. den i thinkin if da still ard den maybe things would be different le.. summore im dead beat.. really tired out.. sorry okies dear.. i know u understand mi de.. but im sorry ya??

shall carry on tml.. i wanna get some slp.. tml workin at twleve.. btw i chated wif monica jie jus now.. glad to be able to lend a listening ear to her.. missed her too.. chatted so so long loh. haha.. din even realised it.. from 1030 till bout 1am.. haha.. miss her..

missing my dear even more.. nite baby..

2005-06-28T00:43:00.000+08:00

A Very Touching Love Story

It's a cold February night. People are bustling through the streets, either pulling up their coat collars or wrapping scarves around their necks, trying to stay warm.

It's so cold today.I'm standing at my window, looking at the people moving like little dots. Standing in a heated room, I'm beginning to pity those people. Why don't they go home? Do they plan on wandering until morning?

"Almost time to go home! My boyfriend must be going crazy." One of the nurses breathe a sign of relief. "Still needs to work overtime on Valentine's Day. It's so unfair!"

"You are fortunate." Another nurse says. "Some people don't have anyone waiting for them."

"You mean Dr. Shu?"

Like Sherlock Holmes, my ears perk up when I hear my name.

"Do you remember how she lost control on this day last year?"

"Of course I do." A nurse shudders. "I've never seen Dr. Shu like that. Crying and yelling, like she was crazy."

They are talking about how I was last year. They are correct. I was out of control, like they said.

"You can't blame Dr. Shu. If my boyfriend died in front of my eyes, I would probably go crazy as well."

"Keep it down. She hasn't left work yet. She might hear you."

The two nurses are too late. I heard the entire conversation through the canvas wall.

"Dr. Shu, what are you doing standing here?"

Just as I was deciding whether or not to reveal myself, another nurse exposed me. I awkwardly step out. The 2 nurses who discussed me start to blush. Their faces became redder than the bow on Valentine's Day chocolates.

"I'm waiting to go home." I pretend that I didn't hear anything.

"Dr. Shu, you must have gotten too involved in your work. It's already past time to go home. See you tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day!" She waves goodbye.

"Happy Valentine's Day." I wave back and watch the 2 nurses hurry away.

That's fine. I was ready to go home anyway. Even though no lover is waiting for me, at least there's a lazy cat waiting for me to feed.

After I come home, the first thing I do is feed the cat. I forgot when I first had the cat. Probably since last year's Valentine's Day. At that time, I was like an abandoned cat, with eyes filled with despair. Cats don't cry, I do. That's the only difference.

"Better drink all the milk or I'll skin you." I threatened the cat. Her name is Christine, my least favorite English name. I don't know why I named the cat Christine. Christine meowed once to let me know she heard me, but her eyes are complaining about my severity. Her eyes remind me of someone I used to know, standing in front of me with eyes of rebellions.

A year ago today, I had lunch with my boyfriend and took the opportunity to complain to him.
"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give me any flowers?"

He raised his eyebrow. "Why should I give you flowers? You are not my anyone."

"Then... you should at least give me a card!" I pouted my lips, hurt by his tone.

"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-card."

E-card. That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he is.

"You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting." I excitedly smiled and planned to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even though he wouldn't use any romantic words, I still looked forward to the card.

"I can't stand you women. Why do you make such a big deal out of Valentine's Day??" He grumbled while eating his food. His comment induced me to fight with him again.

"You are not romantic at all!! Don't you watch any Japanese drama?"

"Japanese drama? I only watch Discovery Channel."

"Your life is so boring." I made a face at him. "One recent drama was really good. You should have watched it."

"What's that drama called?" He didn't believe in the love portrayed in TV and movies. He always thought they were lies.

"It's called 'Story of A Century'." I gladly answered.

"What kind of trashy plot did it have?"

"What do you mean trash?? Show some respect!" I was so angry. "That drama was very touching, and the theme song was beautiful as well. It's called 'Only Love', performed by Nana Mouskouri." I wonder if he knew who Nana was.

"Nana, I know her. A Greek singer with really expensive albums."

"Her voice is worth it." Even though I secretly agreed with him, I couldn't bring myself to admit it.

"Whatever." He glanced at his watch. "I'll give you 5 minutes to tell me the plot. After that, I'm leaving."

I tried hard to explain 6 hours worth of story in just 5 minutes. The drama portrayed the love stories of 3 generations of women spanning 100 years, from 1901 to 2000. Each generation was portrayed by the same actress. The story was tear-jerking.

"What's so touching about it?" He asked, after listening to the story.

"Don't you think each generation's story is wonderful? If I have such great screen writing ability, I wouldn't be a doctor anymore. I would become a screenwriter."

"If you become a screenwriter, I bet no one would watch the show. The TV station can go out of business." He quickly interjected.

"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the card!" I was so mad that I went home immediately, not even finishing my coffee.

As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my computer and go online.

Staring at the empty in-box, I began to reminisce about how we met. Maybe no one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were actually neighbors. Our homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were kids, we liked to fight with each other all day long. I still remember when I moved to the country that year. Used to the city life, I couldn't get used to the simple life in the country. After school, I would just go home and do nothing. Whenever that happened, he would always come over to tease me.

"Why are you staring off into space??" He loved to pull on my hair. "You're so ugly when you're doing nothing. But you're also not pretty when you smile." In other words, I'm really ugly.

"You're the one who's ugly!" I pull back my hair. "If you think I'm so ugly, why do you visit me??"

"Can't help it. My home is right next to your home." He argued.

"Then I'll move!" The next day, I drew a line in the ground using some white chalk. A line that I forbid him to cross.

That year, we were both in the 5th grade. We couldn't stand each other and hoped the other would move away. But 5 years passed, and neither of us moved. Not only that, we got into the same high school and into the same class.

"You're that infamous couple." All the students and teachers in the school would say whenever they saw us.

"We're not!" I always tried to explain. "We're only neighbors." At that time, I hated my parents for making us live next to him.

"My standard is not that low." He would say. "Who wants her to be a girlfriend?? It's not like I don't have eyes."

"Yes, I know your eyes are on top of your head." I really disliked him.

"Better than having eyes on the bottom of my head like you." He implied that I couldn't judge guys. At that time, I had a crush on a senior.

I didn't think that his sarcasm had a hidden meaning. After a while, I found out that the senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I cried about it, he silently passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me in his arms.

"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly comforted me. I cried in his arms the whole night, and began to see him in a different way. Things began to change between us. We still fought all the time, but he started to look at me differently. And I blushed and my heart beat faster when he was near. We both knew: we fell in love with each other.

Even with this knowledge, neither of us said anything. Even though we would not be able to resist and kissed each other constantly. Even though we cared about each other's every moves. Both of us refused to admit our love.

Time flew by quickly, and it was time to face separation. I chose to study medicine, and he chose physics. Yet we still couldn't separate from each other. Our parents worried that we didn't know anyone in Taipei, so they forced us to live in the same apartment building. Once again, we became neighbors. We still fought, but sometimes we fought into the bedroom.

Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't say we loved each other. We didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until he saw me share dinner with a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited for me in front of my door and said that he would take me out to dinner on Valentine's Day from then on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But I nodded and accepted his request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's Day together.

After graduation, we became an item. He started a small computer company with some friends and became a programmer. We were busy with our own lives and had no time for a relationship. Three years later, I became a doctor, and his business began to boom. We separately moved to bigger apartments and stopped being neighbors. On the surface, we left each other.
In reality, we were still together. We spent every Valentine's Day together but each year became more dreary than the next because he never told me he loved me even with all my hints.

Facing the empty in-box, I suddenly grew very angry. He wouldn't say it and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean? Who did he think I was? I called his cell phone.

"Hello." He picked up the phone.

"I didn't receive the card." I immediately showed my displeasure.

"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy. "But I sent it."

He was really busy but I didn't care. "I didn't receive it. Send it again."

"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good enough??" He said with impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is that how lovers speak to each other?

"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't have to pick me up tonight.

I'll eat dinner by myself."

"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."

"I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears rolled down my cheeks.

Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation? We've gone out for so many years and spent countless Valentine's Day together. I never received any flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a little e-card. Is that too much to ask for??

I unplugged the phone from the wall and turned off my cell phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations. After I returned to the hospital, I instructed the receptionist not to forward me any phone calls. I wanted to concentrate on work.

Because there were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1 hour later and forgot about our argument.

"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient."

As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill sound of an ambulance sounded outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the emergency medics hurriedly wheeled in a gurney.

"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic. Everyone else were trying to help put the patient on the gurney. He was covered with blood.

"Car accident." The medic replied. "Very serious. He may die."

I nodded and ran to the operating room with them. When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man had already stopped breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped

"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the nurses. Saving people is our duty. We can't lose our calm.

But when I saw who laid on the operating table, I lost my calm. That person was my boyfriend!

"No..." I stood in shock. "NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously shocked his body. His body bounced up and down from the shocks. The scared nurses went to find another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.

I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just wanted to save my lover. Even though we fought all the time. Even though he never showed me his love.I still wanted to save him. He still owed me a card. He couldn't die!

I threw away the paddles and began to press on his heart. I pressed with all my strength, hoping it would revive him, but he didn't wake up. He didn't even say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes closed, punishing me with his silence.

Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I couldn't see clearly anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no sounds could come out of my mouth.

"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm sorry." Dr. Jian patted me on the shoulder. They knew each other and ate together once. I introduced them.

"He can't die." I shook my head. "He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.

"Dr. Shu, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped me. "I understand what you're going through, but you're a doctor."

Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular person. How can Dr. Jian understand how I feel? I've loved him for so many years that it's become a habit. How can I just throw away a habit? Besides, he still owed me a card.

"I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran to him again and tried to knock the life back into his body.

"Take her away!" That day, I lost my control and my professionalism.

And that day happened to be Valentine's Day.

Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left work early that day.

They told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried to call me several times but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the hospital to find me and got hit by a large truck on the way.

When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed him. Just because of an unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my privilege to be childish.

Like an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore. After his death, I couldn't cry anymore, regardless of how touching the plot or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't affect me anymore.

Now, I'm only left with a cat and a seldomly used computer. Stepping over the cat, I turned on the computer. Even though I know no one will send me a mail, I still hoped that someone will remember me on this day.

Meow, meow. I looked at Christine to see what's wrong. She finished her milk. I went into the kitchen to get her more milk then came back to look at the computer screen.

I have.... 100 emails! Who would be bored enough to send me 100 junk mail?

I was just about to delete them all when I received another mail, and this one said: "Because of system error, we could not send these until today.

We apologize for the delay." The sender was my ISP.

I looked at the 1st mail. It showed the send date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart began to beat fast. Could he have sent these?

With a trembling hand, I opened the mail. The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous red rose set against green leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to play.... "Only Love". I couldn't believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the music was so dreamy. I almost thought I was in a fantasy.
Most touching of all were the words underneath the rose, because the words read like a beautiful poem.

"Hwei."

That's my name.

"Knowing you so many years, I've never sent you any flowers. Today I send you a rose."

I received it and it's so beautiful.

"You know we are always fighting. We can never really open our hearts and tell each other how we feel."

Yes, but it's all your fault for being so distant.

"I know I always make you mad by the things I say."

Good that you're admitting it.

"But today I want to say to you: I'm sorry, and I love you."

I waited so many years for those words.

"And I want to tell you a good news. I finally saved enough money."

You already have enough money. Why did you need so much?

"So Hwei, let's get married!! I was afraid to propose to you, because I didn't trust in my ability to give you the good life you deserve. But now I've saved enough money so we don't have to wait anymore."

Who wanted you to wait? I'm already yours.

"Today, I use this card to propose to you. Will you marry me, Hwei? Will you?"

That's the content of the whole card. Like a fool, I kept reading his words and talking to him. It's like I can hear his voice and see him again.

As if it's back to 1 year ago with us constantly fighting.

The song played over and over. Repeating Nana's heartbreaking voice.

Only love can make a memory.
Only love can make a moment last.
You were there and all the world was young and all it's songs unsung.
and I remember you then when love was all,
all you were living for,
and how you gave that love to me...."

The lyrics of this song fits our love so closely. When he was alive, my world was so young. Every day, I could find a something different to fight with him about. But after he left, my life is only left with memories and coldness that will never go away.

"Will you marry me?"

When I read these words, my tears unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard.

Will I? If he's in front of me, I will definitely kick him and call him a big fool. If I wasn't willing, I wouldn't have waited until today.

So I moved the cursor over the "Reply" box, and typed the response that I've already prepared for so many years - "I will."

I will - be by his side for the rest of my life. I will - fight with him forever. That is how I answered him, but the only response I got was the repeating song "Only Love."

Nevertheless, I opened every single letter, accepted every singled rose, and typed the same response: "I will."

I replied 100 times, and "Only Love" played 100 times. In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's been broken for 1 year finally got reconnected.

I answered you. What about you?

end of story..
... a story adopted from a good fren who introduced it to mi.. thanx celine..

happiest hours spent is wif dear..

2005-06-27T23:21:00.000+08:00

jus back from supper.. had a long day.. but i was happy.. all seem so fine.. jus the way i always wanted.. geez...

nuthin much over the weekend.. went to work on both weekends..

..

jus return from bout nine minutes of staring into thin air..

fridae..24/06
my baby called to ask mi to sleep.. after we put down he called back later again jus to make sure im alreadi in bed.. said there's sumthin he wanna get.. and he wanna show mi sumthin as well.. hee..

saturdae..25/06
went to work as usual.. but i was early.. i was on mornin shift and i was EARLY.. hee.. din sleep much though.. but dun feel tired.. Imanaka san came tt nite.. and again.. i was so happie to see him.. i had always been the only waitress to serve him his drinks.. haha.. my frens would always tell mi.. 'ade.. ur favourite uncle here already'.. haha.. cold sake and a warm cup of green tea.. if he orders kakiage don or hiyashi chuka soba.. den i will always bring a saucer of vinegar for him.. hee.. tt nite.. he ordered fried garlic rice and tebasaki teriyaki.. but.. sad.. coz he only finish bout half of the fried rice and only ate one chicken wing when theres five on the plate.. jus he din hav the appetite or else it muz b the food tt's turnin him off.. prepare to bring the present i made for him next week..

he's jus one customer i made close fren wif.. u wouldnt believe if i say he's already 70 yrs old this yr.. he seem like bout forty plus fifty.. feel a sense of peacefulness whenever i speak wif him.. poor old lonely man.. he has three daughters.. all married.. and he's living alone.. good thing he's still teaching japanese to pass time.. he teaches at most of the CC.. inluding the one at bishan.. and i also caught up wif him one evening after returnin from sch.. hee.. why am i makin an introduction bout him.. haha.. anyways.. i always look forward to meeting him each weekend..

sundae..26/06
almost late for work.. nuthin much.. tired le.. had ji pa fan.. chicken chop rice for lunch.. nice.. dunno if hav chance to bring dear go eat not.. got this stall sell the fish hor fun.. even nice.. i dun quite like fish also eat till so shiok.. haha.. got chance mus bring jw ah.. aini ah.. and i bet serene will sure like it de.. hee..

went home waited for dear.. presumed dear will come over to get his thumb drive back for project.. i should've bath first instead of waitin for dear.. he reached ard 1am.. dear asked if im tired.. i said no.. he asked if i wanna go his place.. i said why? he has got project to do wun i be disturbin.. den dear say.. 'actually i jus wan u accompany mi only'.. awww... hee.. so i faster pack my stuff le loh.. den go over to his place.. bathed..
den he tucked mi in and asked mi to sleep.. i jus stared at dear.. so long since i last saw dear so serious at work.. but he wanna ko liaoz.. can see.. finally when we go to bed it was at 430 am.. but we only finally slept at ard five ba.. hee..

monday..27/06
din go sch coz i couldnt get up in time.. informed ms soh through gerald.. den went to sch only at 12 for dear's lesson.. printed his project out.. pissed him off while doin tt.. coz i din noticed the phone ringing.. sad..

den went to meet him pass over the project.. sat at mac.. saw her and her.. ... den decided to go look for jw and aini in the mean time.. later met dear again after his project..

left school..

went to hougang get some lunch.. dear had wanton noodles instead of his initially ji jiao noodles.. sad rite.. but dear din hav the heart to return and change his noodles.. definitely no wastage for dear!! hee.. went to UOB too.. went to ask bout opening a saving's account... haha.. dear keep complaining bout the girl who served us for not being able to 'build rapport'.. so much compliant.. haha..
later on dear's hair get trimmed.. den went walkwalk.. waited for cx.. so din hav much time left to visit doc for mc.. while at hougang mall.. we were deciding if should we get mc at hougang instead.. so wanted to check out the price .. and the opening hours.. dear was so sweet to ask mi take a seat while he go check out the timing and all.. gawd!! really very nice.. den headed back to bishan to catch our movie.. Initial D.. yea.. its a good show la.. but haiz.. audio sumthin wrong leh.. went off suddenly.. and at the wrong timing summore.. stewpit..
den the whole theatre went like.. 'ehhh.. refund refund!! wa lau!!... '..'GV sux!!'.. haha.. den still got ' 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. Vroom!!!' wahahah.. one by one started to make our own subtitles.. damn farni sia.. my first encounter.. wahha.. but meanwhile dear was bout to burst into a fit of an anger.. could sense it comin up.. glad the sound system was up again.. if not dear would blow his top..

den we decided to go had dinner.. jus coz dear say i only had one meal for the day.. gawd!! he's got project to do loh.. and so darn tired out le.. still insist on late dinner when neither of us are really hungry sort.. aww.... he's really very sweet..

packed punggol nasi lemak for bro den went home le..

happiest hours are time spent when wif dear..

dear took a pic of the sky(while riding on the bike at the traffic junction).. coz i think the clouds were beautiful..
dear told mi to take a seat while he go check the clinic opening hours..
dear said something very sweet while in the cinema.. shall keep to myself.. hee.. many many more.. jus feel very nice.. very pampered..loved..very high over the moon.. really hope this wun end so soon.. im jus beginning to enjoy only..

baby.. u made mi feel like im the little princess..the only one in ur life and eveything else goes well wif u..so long as im happie.. baby i've waited for so long.. i finally felt like i AM ur girl.. ur ONLY girl to be exact.. baby thank you for everythin.. guess it pays off like the way i told myself to be.. not askin u anything more den twice if i feel u dun wish to share.. told myself to be happie and appreciate time whenever im wif u.. tts all tt matters.. who cares whu u wif or wt u doin when not wif mi.. ought to worry and be concern.. and willing to listen to everything and anything u wanna share.. but i promised myself not to probe on u or question u even though i've never been like tt.. jus dun wish to be those gals whu would piss off their dears while tryin to invade on their privacy and taking over their dears' lives and start controllin their every movement.. acting like some big-time suckers.. i bet even mom dun control or restric their sons tt way.. this is jus a reminder to myself so i wun follow her footsteps.. the one im referring to is none other den my mum..

im going to take a rest.. baby knows i dun like visitin the clinic alone.. even if for the sake of an mc.. who would like to go to the doctor sick and alone rite.. independent it may seem but its kinda pathetic i feel.. sad rite.. i will never wanna go alone.. will dear accompany mi always.. ??

'R1 2004!! my dream bike!! whoot!! nice rite!!' dear instantly went gaga on the road as he passes by his dream bike.. haha.. silly guy.. haha..

..

2005-06-24T14:17:00.000+08:00

ard last week the tue meet sis.. she came over ard eight.. glad we met up.. exchange stories.. as we chatted she called yasi over.. den they both stayed till late..

suddenly i got so busy wif my phone.. got so many calls coming in.. at the same time.. den dear's was like missing for awhile too.. but he finally called to say he's at cx's place.. haiz.. silly boy..

wednesdae..
dear had lion dance.. i went to look for sis and yasi.. went to carrefour and shop for stuff n walked the fountain of wealth.. i wished and hoped.. ... wished and hoped.. den later went over to meridien le.. stayed there till dear came over to fetch mi home.. din wan trouble dear either.. but dear called to say he comin to fetch mi.. reach my carpark.. dear say need meet a fren.. din wan ask much.. but forgot ask where he go at least.. so left dear a msg sayin i worry.. din like the feelin i get when he says he gonna meet his 'fren'.. went home bathed.. while preparing to go to bed.. dear called.. hee.. and soon he was at my doorstep.. slept over..

thursdae..
till the next morning.. seeing dear so tired.. i went off to sch without him.. hee.. my baby woke up only at 1230.. dear went home to rest.. though i kept remindin him got test next dae.. got his programmes.. and only finally decided to study at nite for his test.. as always..

fridae dear took his test den later went to suntec.. meet his boss..

the followin week.. dear went to work on mondae.. i met up wif dear after sch.. hee.. dear told mi to take my own sweet time.. so happie.. went walk walk.. dear bought another wallet.. sad i din get to buy it for him.. it was my intention to get him a new wallet first loh.. end up he was the one to buy it himself.. dots..

later after dear fang gong.. wei xiang..cx and yasi, sis and asri came over to join us for dinner.. den went home le..

tuesdae.. i went to catch the movie alot like love.. nice show.. enjoyed the movie.. i feel the cloest when we're in the cinema.. dear's mind can only be on the show.. and nothing else.. and the only time i can fully hundred percent relax.. and enjoy the show.. i jus love movies wif dear even at the same old place.. maybe we should try new place eh dear??

wednesdae.. met yasi for dinner.. den she came over my place..

yesterdae.. we went to catch another movie the ghost train.. aini warned it wasnt a good show.. but dear said since i wanna watch it so went ahead loh.. yea.. i was yawnin away in the theatre.. haiz.. dropped the phone on the way outside.. damn!! tamade.. later realised i couldnt hear a single shit le.. haiz.. tamade!! first caught a lousy show.. den i dropped dear's phone.. den i spent dear's money.. on the train concession.. i feel low.. haiz.. not my day.. not tt i dun like using his money.. but i feel very erm.. dunno lah.. den we went home.. and the worst thing happend..

dun wish to elaborate.. but im very affected.. and i feel bad.. and i guess it shall remain in me forever.. very ashamed.. wished the lights were out.. why the hell did i open the door.. fuckitz.. tamade.. haiz.. i dunno wat to say.. i jus wanna bring myself to hide forever.. dig a hole stay in there and never come out.. oh gawd.. wished i knew wat he saw.. help mi.. dear... haiz.. yesterdae was really a bad day..